Should a woman confront her husband’s mistress?

Reports of women attacking their husbands’ mistresses (or ‘side chicks’ as they are now called) are becoming rampant in today’s society. Many women have been reported beaten up, stripped naked or wounded by thugs sent after them because they were having an affair with husbands of other women. Recently, a nude video of one Ogochukwu […]

Reports of women attacking their husbands’ mistresses (or ‘side chicks’ as they are now called) are becoming rampant in today’s society. Many women have been reported beaten up, stripped naked or wounded by thugs sent after them because they were having an affair with husbands of other women.

Recently, a nude video of one Ogochukwu Okafor who was beaten and stripped naked by the wife of the man she was having an affair with went viral on the internet. The young mother of a six-year-old boy filmed nude in Anambra State in that video is presently demanding justice according to a report from the New Agency of Nigeria.

Finding out that a partner is unfaithful can throw a marriage into shock and confusion but should the one affected attack the side chick, especially in the Africa setting where the man is always adjudge to be right? Homefront spoke with some women on if it is right to go after their husbands’ side chick to stop the affair.

Mrs Danjuma Grace, a business woman, said she saw no reason why a woman should be running after her husband’s mistress and picking up a fight instead of settling down and find a way of discussing the issue with the man.

“Although no woman will find out that her husband is cheating and be happy, but it does not warrant that you should engage in street fight. To me, it shows low level of maturity. I rather quarrel with my husband than the woman in question. And to me it is a seed, if it is a young lady that is yet to be married, she will reap it when she marries too.

Ifeoma Chukwuka, a mother of three said, she cannot worry her head because her husband was having an affair because she has her children to concentrate on, adding that as far as it did not affect what he was putting down at home for upkeep, she and the children will be fine.

She said to attack a mistress is what she cannot think of doing because she has her business and family to concentrate on. “There is no need because if you push the man too much it becomes a problem and if anything happens the woman outside has nothing to lose but you that is legally married to him. Such issue is better settled with calmness and prayer,” she added.

Mrs Precious Ikojo, a banker said, it is not a crime to want to protect your marriage, but it is a crime when you have to fight for it, adding that real women do not go after their husbands’ mistresses because it is uncalled for.

“Nobody can stop a philandering man from going after other women. All you need to do, is get a marriage counselor or a good man of God to have a talk with your husband so that he can at least desist from such act. We must understand that no woman can win the battle of fighting off her husband’s mistress or mistresses as the case may be. Many women have died trying and it is not worth it especially when you have children to look after already.”

Another woman who only identified herself as Ladi, said overlooking such affair was easier said than done, adding that women should just pray not to be in the situation. “It does not just end on the emotional torture, there are diseases an unfaithful husband can be infected with and he will transmit same to the wife.

“Keeping quiet over such issue will make the situation worse. I cannot fold my hands and allow one strange woman to ruin my home. I will use whatever is within my reach to save my home.”

The CEO of Seeking Integrity, a digital-age sex, intimacy and relationship specialist, Robert Weiss, said the issue is not something new; and that as sad as it is to admit, one still has to concede that its occurrence has now become so commonplace that it no longer shocks anyone.

“Men cheat, women cheat, boys cheat, girls cheat; married or not, old or young the tendency is ingrained in everyone’s DNA and many seem to have chosen to explore theirs as wantonly as imaginable,” the relationship specialist said.

Weiss also said, “if you have ever learned about a spouse’s sexual infidelity, then you know how difficult this is to deal with”, adding that “for one thing, it’s not just the pain of any specific sexual betrayal that you must try to process and eventually overcome, it’s the loss of trust in your spouse and your relationship.

“Oftentimes, learning about a supposedly monogamous partner’s extra-marital sexual activity leaves a betrayed spouse in a daze; stunned, hurt, uncertain, and unable to fully assimilate and accept what has happened.

“Unsurprisingly, cheated-on partners sometimes find themselves struggling with even the simplest of actions and decisions regarding both their relationship and day-to-day life,” the specialist said.

Tips for coping when your partner is unfaithful

Accept your feelings: Shock, agitation, fear, pain, depression, and confusion are normal. You will likely feel like you’re on an emotional rollercoaster for a while.

Don’t seek revenge: Being betrayed by your partner can induce rage but avoid taking rash step or having an affair as pay back step at this time. Think before you tell your family, as well. They will likely have strong opinions about what you should do – leave or stay.

Avoid the blame game: Blaming yourself, your partner, or the third party won’t change anything and it’s just wasted energy.

Keep your children out of it: This situation is between you and your spouse and should not involve your children at all.

Seek counseling: Don’t try to get through coping with unfaithfulness alone. Before you make any decisions about whether or not to end your marriage, it’s wise to talk to a couple’s counselor, who will be neutral and can help you gain insight into what exactly happened.