Should couples keep secrets in marriage?

A friend of mine is at logger-heads with his wife for keeping secret SIM cards. My friend said he was really angry when he discovered that his wife has a second SIM that she is hiding from him and when he asked her about her little secret, she simply retorted that there was nothing wrong […]

A friend of mine is at logger-heads with his wife for keeping secret SIM cards. My friend said he was really angry when he discovered that his wife has a second SIM that she is hiding from him and when he asked her about her little secret, she simply retorted that there was nothing wrong with her behaviour.
Some readers may want to ask if her job or business requires her to have several SIM cards for identity protection or whatever. The answer is that it doesn’t. So, I was speechless and didn’t know how to advise him because he said he still loves his wife but now finds it hard to trust her. What do you think?
Aisha Ahmed, an undergraduate says: “You can never love someone whom you do not trust. Trust is what builds love, without it your relationship is doomed and miserable. Trust is from both sides, if the woman trusted her spouse and had regards for the relationship she shares with her husband she will not have secret SIM cards. Why on earth does she want secret SIM cards, to call and communicate with who?”
Zara Ahmed, a civil servant says it is possible to love someone we do not trust because these days love is based on selfish interests and what one stands to benefit from a relationship.
“You can love someone you don’t trust, but on the other hand it is the trust that grows love to make it long lasting and memorable. Back in the days when our forefathers never had anything like love before marriage, women were given out in marriage even before they knew their spouses; love came and blossomed after marriage.
“The most important thing is that trust existed between them. That was the driving force behind marriage then; not love. Love came after trust. But with the way things have turned around these days, everything is in the opposite direction and love exists now without trust because the love everyone professes for their partners is one way, or just on the superficial level; and something of a give and take basis.
“So yes, many people can love someone they do not trust just for the benefits they can get from the relationship or situation such cases are just temporary and never last,” she emphasized.
Anna Godwin, a housewife and mother of three, says love and trust go hand in hand, but most times love is the stronger of the two when measured side by side.
“I would say they both go hand in hand, love begets trust, most people want to trust someone they love. Maybe along the line the trust is broken due to some misunderstanding, but the love will still remain. Most times we hear cases of wives or husbands cheating on each other but they still decide to stay together for the sake of the love they still have for each other, not that the trust will be as strong as before but because she trusts that the man won’t repeat it. Because of the love they have for each other, they decide to stay on in the relationship and make it stronger,” she argued.
Omolara Makanjuola Ogundelea, a teacher, believes that most times trust is what plays the most important role in a relationship.
“I trusted my husband before I married him and then loved him. So I think it’s better to have total trust in him or her before you can love them so as not to let you down. But then secrets in marriage aren’t really necessary, it only pulls the couple apart.
“When you trust someone you cannot have secrets. He should make his wife realise that he still loves her but he also needs to trust her, that way they can work out their differences.On the other hand, what kind of secrets does she have to protect that warrants her having so many different SIM cards?”
Bassey Onotomine, a civil servant says: “Trust is one of the characteristics of love because without trust, there is no love and vice- versa, so, it is not proper to love without trust.  On the issue of keeping secrets I think it is very wrong for couples to keep secrets from each other especially on the part of the woman. Keeping secrets while married in some cases it is inevitable but that is only in the case of when the man is involved in polygamy.
“A polygamous man has to keep secrets if he wants peace in his home. If not that, I see no reason why a woman should keep secrets from her husband.”
Lizzy Uma, an undergraduate, says love can depend on the personality of the person involved but trust doesn’t necessarily consider that.
“Love and trust work together especially when in a relationship, but on the other hand love and trust can work differently in different circumstances in the sense that you can love someone but really cannot trust the person to a reasonable extent. We have situations where we can love for his or her character but that does not necessarily mean you trust the person. Then you can also trust someone after observing the person for a while, and knowing the person’s character, then you can trust the person and not necessarily love the person.
“But in the case of matrimony, both go hand in hand, for love to exist the couple must trust each other. The lady in question should retrace her steps and not lose the trust of her husband over a flimsy habit.”
Christopher Amos, an accountant, believes that love and trust could be applicable in different situations:
“I would say yes and no when you ask if trust and love go hand in hand in a relationship. Reasons are because you can trust someone without having any feelings of love an example is like in a business relationship. But when you are talking of a romantic relationship there should be trust before love, because without trust there is no love. My verdict is that there should be no secrets in marriage, so it does not compromise the trust in the relationship,” he said.
Marriage counselor, Mrs. Chika Emmanuel, advises that secrets should never be given a chance in marriage as it causes more harm than good for the relationship.
“Secrets should never be kept in marriage. Aside God, the next person close to a wife or a husband is your spouse. If you keep secrets from your spouse then what it means is that the marriage is on the verge of failing and there is no need pretending to be husband and wife. Once married there should be zero tolerance for marriage, it does the marriage no good,” Mrs. Emmanuel concluded.