Sorry, please and thank you – Where the world left Nigeria

More and more, society is evolving and people can now tell intentions more clearly. Bowing, prostrating or kneeling for someone, does not fully equate to respect anymore. Someone may not do these things and still respect you to no limits. Yes, there is a new kind of respect and humility, distilled and imbibed by people […]

More and more, society is evolving and people can now tell intentions more clearly. Bowing, prostrating or kneeling for someone, does not fully equate to respect anymore. Someone may not do these things and still respect you to no limits. Yes, there is a new kind of respect and humility, distilled and imbibed by people who think, all over the world, and Africans – especially Nigerians – had better log on to them, while keeping some of the things they hold dear.
Chivalry for one. A well-bred white man may not prostrate for you, but he shows chivalry – to the underprivileged, the old, the weak, pregnant women, women in general – almost in that order. One with a bad breeding thinks he/she is at war with the world and has no time for chivalry. An African understands this, but there comes a point where he just cannot get his mind round things. If he is older than you, he sees no reason to vacate his seat, say on a train, just because you’re pregnant. If he is older than you, he will almost shout you out of your seat just because you are young. There is a certain brashness we need to get rid of.
There is also the aspect of empathy and considerate-ness. Look around your neighborhood (especially if you live in a slightly unplanned area). Maybe you, or your neighbor, someone doesn’t care how the way they live rubs off on the other person. Maybe it is the sound of your generator or fumes therefrom. Or the noise you make when praying to your God. Maybe it is your children who disturb the neighborhood, or sewage water from your sink flows unto the road. Maybe your house-girl dumps trash in front of the neighbor’s house. So long as it doesn’t affect us directly, we do anything and don’t give a hoot. The modern world has moved ahead. In those places the governments also helped in straightening people out. But here, the way government is run mirrors perfectly the way we are as individuals.
Where I live, they scraped off the single-lane tarred road like 6 years ago, and took so much time laying a new one, over a five years period. If not that President Jonathan was coming to commission a market down the road about a year ago, the contractor, and the guys in the ministry in charge, wouldn’t have cared to hasten the job to a large extent. Since the man left, the work has remained where they got to, just to give him a good impression. A bridge that will cut our journey by miles, has been abandoned 90% complete but unusable, for about 2 years. This is because infrastructure is certainly not about those of us who will use them. It is about the powerful people who need to be impressed. Where does the underprivileged, the disabled, the common man, young students, pregnant women feature in all of these power-plays? We go to Europe and see how they construct train stations, with access for disabled because they think from the ground up. We come to our own countries and say “my friend use it like that! You are lucky we gave you anything!”. Yet it is the commonwealth that is spent…
Sorry, please and thank you. They teach our children – sometimes – in school. But we cannot re-echo it enough. Oyibo people have done their studies, and found out that imbibing these three phrases/words makes life a much better place for everyone. It will even help your body language over time. Many Africans – especially Nigerians – that I know find it difficult, almost impossible, to say “Sorry” or “Please do this for me”. We think it reduces us or shows we are junior to those to whom we say it. But no, it only makes life sweeter and more bearable for all of us. It settles a lot of quarrels very quickly too. It is about humility.
Thank you. This one stands in its own category. An African – especially a Nigerian – especially one that grew up in the village for slightly too long, does not see why he should tell you ‘Thank You’ if; 1. He is older than you, 2. You are “just doing your job”, 3. He is paying for it. 4, He is ‘richer’ than you. He thinks “why would I tell a taxi driver ‘Thank You’ when I just paid him N500. He should be the one telling me thank you na!” This Nigerian does not know that there is nothing wrong if two people chorus ‘thank you’ to one another. It makes a country much livable if people would say thank you instinctively, and mean it. If we believe this is true, we should pass it on and make sure this new culture of respect is adhered to by all around us.
The rest of the world is watching and listening and Nigerians seem to have painted for ourselves, the image of a garrulous people. The statements we make, end up hurting us, as policies are formed toward us based on them, as in “these people think they are smart, now we will show them they aren’t!” Just yesterday, I read from a prominent Nigerian, who said “Nigerians are the most intelligent people on earth”. How come? Where are the indices? The data?  They say the reason God gave us two ears and one mouth, is to listen more and speak less. I think the same analogy would go for why he gave us two eyes. See more, think more, do more, listen more, brag less.

To round up. Yesterday I came across a statement by a former Nigerian Ambassador, one Mr Joe Keshi, who had this to say about the American Ambassador here, because the American, Mr Entwistle criticized our army for human rights abuses:
“Such tactless and undiplomatic language of the American Ambassador should surprise no one. For years now and against diplomatic norms, it has become the hallmark of American envoys in Nigeria to utilize various public platforms provided by unsuspecting Nigerians to lecture and disparage the country, its leaders and institutions… While its diplomats are busy doing their best to create rupture in relations between the two countries, they are complimented by their bosses in Washington who constantly invite Nigerian leaders, including some past leaders who regrettably use the occasions to demean, discredit and disparage President Goodluck Jonathan and his administration”.
I just wondered, if Mr Keshi (not the football coach) understood the idea behind diplomacy, as created by the Americans themselves. And if he does, whether these words above were the right words from one ambassador and one country, to another. So just because the Americans invite some past Nigerian leaders to Washington (whoever those are), does that constitute the USA into an enemy for us? And if they are, is America an enemy we would gladly engage in a combat with – of any type? I criticize the US too on many fronts, but even I, a nobody, try to choose my words carefully in such matters.
No, Nigerians. The world is not yet at your feet. It probably never will be. Other countries too are thinking ahead for their own people. We could use a good dose of humility. And if we are serious, what we need is deep strategic planning and selflessness. Yes, plus a rethinking of our understanding of respect. Sorry, please, and thank you very much!