Trust as the silent burden in all relationships

But it’s possible that with the right steps, trust the nucleus of all relationships can be recouped. Amina Alhassan    The floodgates of shock and fury opened last week, when someone posted on facebook what a wife goes through whenever she spends time outside, longer than expected. “….. This is madness…your wife goes out and you […]

But it’s possible that with the right steps, trust the nucleus of all relationships can be recouped. Amina Alhassan
   
The floodgates of shock and fury opened last week, when someone posted on facebook what a wife goes through whenever she spends time outside, longer than expected. “….. This is madness…your wife goes out and you expect her back in 20 minutes. But she returns three hours later and all you do is to inspect her? Without even waiting for an explanation on why she was late?  What is that all about, where is the trust in this relationship? This is absolute madness…Haba!” Ify Onyegbule, exclaimed.
With this kind of scenario,  it is easy to discern  that there is no trust in this relationship. Ohinoyi Ajako a business consultant also says;
  “Apparently there’s no trust in the home. The man’s idea and way of inspecting his wife is crude and crazy. But how did she lose the trust they once shared which led to their marriage? I believe you only get married to someone you trust. If he did not trust her, he would not have married her in the first place. There must have been an issue,  but then with the way he went about it, trust on both sides is definitely lost and would certainly be hard to restore” he said.
In my encounter with different couples, many have linked lack of trust to the issue of manifest inferiority complexes. “I just think that man is always battling complex. His idea of checkmating his wife signifies lack of trust in the marriage and is also demeaning to any woman. When trust is lost in a marriage, there are better ways to show or voice it out, but certainly not with an inspection. For me, it is a bit of madness. The only trust that he had left in relationship, willy-nilly   has just been killed it with his inspection madness,” Nelson Okoh a civil servant with the Federai  Ministry of Health said.
Okoh went on to say “men of low self esteem can do abnormal things to erect artificial superiority. A real man who takes care of his family will hardly suspect that any other man is bold enough to take his place. If you trust your spouse and yourself, there will be no need for all the drama which comes with insecurity at home and lack of trust in the relationship.”
Trust is a virtue which requires a long time to nurture and build. But it can be destroyed in a twinkle of an eye. Trust is one ingredient in a relationship that once broken can be very hard and difficult to restore. Not all trusts once broken can be rebuilt. But you can regain lost trust if you put your heart to it. It means getting to deeply know and understand what trust is and what it entails.
Marriage and relationship expert, Mrs. Chinelo Emmanuel says “trust is the nucleus of any relationship. Trust is involved in all the basic elements of a healthy relationship: namely, love (respect and consideration for another person), communication, commitment and honesty. In a relationship you may get patience and tolerance and all that comes with it.
But nothing will provide the strength and the solidity you need for a lasting relationship as trust. This is because the root of trust is what you believe about the other person. And your belief about the other person is the accumulation of experiences that have either affirmed or eroded the original commitment or promise.”
Hajiya Hannatu O. Musa says “having trust and faith in someone is vital to making any relationship everlasting. Relationships have ups and downs, but care should be taken for it not to degenerate into  distrust on  issues. Because once it becomes an issue of distrust, nothing ever goes perfectly again. When your trust is broken, there is a touchy feeling of betrayal”.
 “It can lead to heartbreak to the extent you may tend to find yourself asking if you can ever trust each other again. It’s common to instantly develop hatred for the person, but only go on pretending that things are normal.  Trust issues need to be discussed and the right steps to fixing the problem instantly implemented,” she added.
Bello Ibrahim believes that when trust is lost in a marriage, it could be very complex and hard to fix, because women can be very tough when it comes to trust.
He says “sometimes, forgiveness can happen and trust can be regained. It won’t be an easy, smooth road, but with hard work, it can be achieved. At the root of all trust issues is a past betrayal. When trust is lost in a marriage, the woman automatically tries to keep her spouse at a distance in anticipation of trying to decide how best to live with him knowing that she might never bring herself to trust him again”
The question here is where and how do you start in terms of regaining trust in marriage? Like earlier stated, at the root of all trust issues is a past betrayal. To work through trust issues, there is the need to recognize the source of betrayal and its unusual recurrence, if you have been wearing a mask of ‘I do not care’ or ‘ I do not need anybody’, it’s time to drop the mask and examine yourself on how best to handle the trust issues affecting  matrimonial happiness.
Rebuilding trust is a process that needs to be worked through. Rebuilding trust comes with a lot of setbacks and sometimes, even pain too, but with dedication and determination you will succeed at the end of the day.
Finally, what you come to believe about another person is what directs your behavior and actions towards that person. So, trust is critical to the dynamics of any relationship, whether business, politics, a working environment, marriage, family or a cordial relationship. Trust is the bane of any viable and positive relationship. Trust is something that can be cultivated and nurtured if we open our hearts to the rules.