What to do when kids are preyed upon

Last week a friend told me the story of a young girl who was being molested by her aunt’s husband. He explained that the girl in question was brought from the village to stay with the couple who are yet to have children of their own; to assist with house chores while her aunt was […]

Last week a friend told me the story of a young girl who was being molested by her aunt’s husband. He explained that the girl in question was brought from the village to stay with the couple who are yet to have children of their own; to assist with house chores while her aunt was away working late. The young girl in turn always told other children what her uncle always did to her every night and thought it was a normal thing for children her age to do. (The rest of the story isn’t worthy of publication).
As if that was not enough another argument ensued between some mothers in an office who have brothers-in-law staying them on if they could leave their children, especially female children, in their care. One mother who works late, said that she has girls aged 10, 6 and three, and she was beginning to get worried at the sort of play her brother-in-law always have with the girls. “I work late and it is my brother-in-law that stays with my girls,” she says.
The first priority of every mother is to protect her children even from her husband. Grace Umanah says: “It is a natural instinct for a mother to protect her child, so it baffles me why a mother is putting the feelings of her in-laws first over protecting her children. She should sit the kids down and talk to them appropriately about sex development, and how they should not let anyone touch them in their chest area and below the waist. How they shouldn’t show them to people even when asked apart from medically and if anyone ever tried they should let you know no matter what the person says. Such acts are not a secret to be kept from mothers and if the person tried to threaten them that you know how to deal with them and that you will always listen to them, believe them and protect them.”
Yetunde Adeola says: “With young girls like that, she should not keep young men around. Talk to your hubby and let them go. Never take chances when it comes to children let alone yours. The devil is in everyone waiting to strike at every opportunity.”
Angela James says education is the best thing in this situation:  “It is best to educate your children and tell them that it is wrong for anyone to touch them in places that are not appropriate. You should also tell them that if that happens they should tell you no matter what.  The 10-year-old is old enough to understand and should look out for her siblings when such things happen. Secondly, as a mother she should be able to make out time for her children.
Ifeoma Okafor suggests that the father of the children be informed: “Tell your husband about your fears; it is something to be worried about especially when it has to do with in-laws. But in this case there is no need to be polite about the whole thing. Tell your husband straight and get someone you can trust with your children and keep them safe in your absence. It’s yours and your husband’s job to protect your children. And if you think for one minute anything is going on, then you need to keep these people away from your family one way or another.”
Men also lent their voice to the debate. David Okebanama agrees that it’s hard to be tough on in-laws as a wife: “They might end up turning against the wife when things go wrong for the woman, but I would rather have a stable and happy marriage than a whole clan living in my house to an extent they think they have more rights than my beloved wife. As a man I would not advice that my girls are left with my male relatives. I have to protect my children no matter what. I have heard of such stories and they are not pleasant at all. I will advise all parents to take caution no matter what or whoever is involved.”
Titilayo Wale noted that we now live in a wicked world where fathers defile their daughters. He said: “Let the guys go their way or the children should be taken to an after-school where they can stay till their mother comes back home. These days no one should trust any uncle or brother as the devil is hovering around looking for whom to devour. I have girls and a boy too and I and God guard then jealously. This is what I do; I don’t even trust house-helps.”
Elina David suggests sex education for the girls as an easy way out: “Be close to your girls no matter how late you come back from work, let them know that you care about their daily activities. Don’t just be a mother, be a friend they can confide in, especially the senior child and you will see the result.”
Marriage counsellor, Mrs. Maryam Abdullahi, says: “These stories are real but must people are ignorant about the realities of life. As Africans, we cannot do without having in-laws around us the better part of our marital lives. Most people will prefer not to have them but when you have them the best thing is to bond with your children, especially daughters, so much that they can tell you anything. Sex education is also important at this stage but it is difficult for most parents but at least teach them the basics. On the other hand I don’t always encourage jobs that make a mother come home late, maids are not an option either as they are not to be trusted either spiritually or physically.  If you still have a mother better than leaving your home and kids at the mercy of a maid or an in-law. I have heard of a maid of a 14-year-old who was caught raping a year and a half old kid. Be friendly to your kids and have them trust you and let them know that they can come to you whenever someone touches them inappropriately. Teach them that nothing regarding their bodies should be kept from mummy and daddy.”
If you have any cause to suspect that your in-laws are capable of doing something like that to your kids aside from what you have heard, then do everything possible to keep your children are safe. Get a nanny or a female relative to care for your kids when you are at work.  Most importantly, start talking to your children about sexuality, about their bodies and where they shouldnot let anyone touch them.