2015: SUNDRY MATTERS

The last we heard of it was 208 to the Dollar. Perhaps, and may the Good Lord avert, it could be 250 to the Dollar in a few days hence when politicians finally soak the nation with their stashed Dollar-loot, changing it into Naira to try to buy our votes at N200+Indomie+Bar-of-Soap apiece. Sob!Therefore, then, […]

The last we heard of it was 208 to the Dollar. Perhaps, and may the Good Lord avert, it could be 250 to the Dollar in a few days hence when politicians finally soak the nation with their stashed Dollar-loot, changing it into Naira to try to buy our votes at N200+Indomie+Bar-of-Soap apiece. Sob!
Therefore, then, it should be apt to rehash ‘The Value of My Vote’, considering the prices of today, so that at least some of the ignoramuses could ask for a couple of Indomies, and at least N500. Because it is going to happen. And it is already happening. Unless we do something about it. Like this Column is doing NOW – creating awareness! Remember that in the narrative of ‘The Value of My Vote’, which is in the first person, the prices are of 2011 – so one has to add at least 50% going by today’s prices:
“As the general elections draw closer, politicians are getting desperate to get more people to cast their votes in their favour. Last week, I witnessed an amazing drama unfold as a politician tried frantically to convince my neighbour to cast his vote for a particular party. When the politician realised that his effort was getting him nowhere, he decided to use the power in his pocket. He brought out a bundle of N200 notes and dangled it in my neighbour’s face, basically the same way you would dangle some bait to an animal you are trying to catch.
“How much is your vote?’ the politician asked, with a deceptive smile on his face. My neighbour hesitated for a moment, and then he grabbed a piece of paper and began to scribble down something. When he finished writing, he handed the piece of paper to the politician saying, “This is the value of my vote.”
“The politician went through the paper briefly and then squeezed and threw it away, in my direction. He hurried away, saying that my neighbour was crazy. My neighbour, realising I was watching, picked up the piece of paper and said, waving the paper at me, “Am I being irrational?”
I took the piece of paper and looked at it. My neighbour had written on the paper the breakdown of his family’s expenses which the government (according to him) had so far failed to provide him. He then multiplied everything by four years:
“Security at N20,000 per month for 12 months for four years = N960,000; One electric generator every two years at N40,000 each = N80,000; Fuel for generator at N1,000 daily for 365 days for four years = N1,460,000; Potable water at N500 daily for 365 days for four years = N730,000; Healthcare at N10,000 per month for 12 months for four years = N480,000; Child’s Education at N5,000 per month for 12 months for four years = N240,000; Housing at N500,000 per year for four years = N2,000,000. Total N5,950,000 (Five Million Nine Hundred and Fifty Thousand Naira) only.
“’Well,’ he explained as I continued to stare at his breakdown, ‘if asking for the basic necessities of life is being irrational, I wonder what is rational? I wasn’t trying to be difficult; I believe this is a modest breakdown of expenses considering I have only a wife and a kid. And if you have a larger family, the value of your vote may be much higher than this,’ my neighbour concluded.
Now, then, one wonders who is more unpopular among Nigerian political office holders between the Executive and the Legislature. Most of our political commentary has been targeted at the Executive Arm, with only scant ‘oversight’ at the Legislature. True, most State Legislatures just became errand-boys of many a Governor, so no one paid them attention. But the National Assembly, especially, has been the butt of many an opprobrium over the sixteen years this nation has been ‘experimenting’ with this ‘nascent’ democracy.
To wit, former President Olusegun Obasanjo, he of the ‘If-I-Had-Wanted-A-Third-Term-God-Would-Have-Given-Me’, took the National Assembly to the cleaners about five years ago in a speech in Minna Niger State. Many said, at that time, that it was sour grapes from the old man because he had failed to manipulate that National Assembly for the Third-Term ‘he didn’t want’. All the same, what he said rings true even today:
The Baba had said, among other things: “We should look closely at the legislature…They constitute a heavy drain on the nation’s lean purse. Nobody knows in detail how much it costs us to maintain a senator. I believe it is more than N250 Million. Compare what it cost in 1999 and 2000; it cost about $1.7 Million [per senator]. Compare that to a quarter of a million dollars for an American senator…they came up and say something is constituency project, what is this constituency project? They insert it in the budget, they would find the contractor and the contractor would work for them, that is constituency project?
“They then accuse some people of corruption, who are not corrupt? Now let us talk truly to ourselves seriously. We can’t continue to have a National Assembly that is consuming a disproportional part of our resources and then expect that we would be able to make progress. They pass budget that can’t be implemented, because it has to be beefed up to satisfy their whims and caprices. Even what the ministries did not ask for they put it…”
And later, the killer punch was added by the former CBN Governor Sanusi (now Emir of Kano), who also lamented the humongous amounts the National Assembly ‘chopped’ out of our National Cake – and they nearly ‘chopped’ his head for saying that. At that time, the Ayes really had it – left, right and, since they have no centre, across carpets. For they were a chamber without ideology. Without reason. Without reasonableness. Subsidy. Chartered aircraft. Power Sector. And it took a token to silence them.
So, now, who are going to the National Assembly? Same crop? Or worse?
For those who have forgotten, the last National Assembly contained all sorts: tenurely-expired governors; actually-expired former professors; good-riddance-expired former generals. And then a bunch of runaway school teachers, and some odd-jobbers. Indeed all sorts. They just took us all for a ride. In their Prado Jeeps. As they roamed the country and the world. Roamed. On our account. And roamed their phones with free credit. From the service providers. That was the National Assembly we had!
But of course there were quite a few decent ones, people with decorum, with conscience, well-spoken and not seat-warmers. But among this crop also, alas, many are not going back. That is the lot of this country. The best are not always lucky, as illustrated by this joke which went viral a few years ago in cyberspace:
“Most ‘First Class’ students get ‘technical’ jobs, becoming Doctors and Engineers and Lecturers, etc. The ‘Second Class’ students pass from school, pass their MBA, and become Administrators and control the ‘First Class’. The ‘Third Class’ students barely pass, so they enter politics and become Ministers and Legislators, and control both the First and Second Classers. Last, and least, ‘The Failures’ fail, join the underworld, and control all the above.”
And so to Eagle Square! And on the forthcoming elections, we are still at HasbunalLahu wa ni’imal Wakeel! (Allah is Sufficient for us and He is the Best Disposer of affairs).