A baggage of sins

‘May God bless you. I just can’t thank you enough for engineering our great escape, Bint. Did you know that I was actually getting suffocated in there?’ Maryam said the moment she sat next to me on the passenger seat.‘How can you get suffocated in such a big, airy room with the fans and the […]

‘May God bless you. I just can’t thank you enough for engineering our great escape, Bint. Did you know that I was actually getting suffocated in there?’ Maryam said the moment she sat next to me on the passenger seat.
‘How can you get suffocated in such a big, airy room with the fans and the ACs all working full blast?’ I asked, starting the car.
‘I wasn’t talking about physical suffocation, it was more like mental and psychological. That Madiga lady was sending me mad with her incessant chatter. My God, can anyone ever be so conceited?’Maryam asked, rhetorically.
‘Or so narcissisitic?’ Asabe contributed from the back seat. ‘I thought it was only me but I was beginning to feel like screaming before Bint remembered she had to pick LB from Islamiyyah school. You know, when you made the announcement, I almost burst out singing ‘Thank heavens for little girls’, that old song from the ancient film Gigi, because I felt sure it was Little Bint that came to our rescue.’
She added.
‘Well believe me it wasn’t LB that rescued you. It’s the same old me whom you wouldn’t want to give the credit. You see, Little Bint has no Islamiyyah school today but like you I was stuffed full with Madiga’s bragging, boasting and self-praising. It wasn’t bad enough that she dominated the conversation, in a room with no less than 20 other women, but she had to dominate it with stories about herself her children, their nine cars, her husband’s several mansions, the malls they do their shopping while abroad etc, etc. I mean did she really think we were all gathered there to hear about her? How can some people be so egotistical?’ I complained.
‘Thank God Bint is also pissed off’ Maryam turned back to address Asabe, ‘if it was only I who was complaining, she would have shut me up with a long lecture against back-biting.’
‘Yes, but I think Bint has realized that some people are a pain to be with, no matter how much you hate to backbite. And probably complaining about them is sinless and well-deserved by them.’ Asabe gave her amateur fatwa.
‘That’s not it Asabe, it’s more like by discussing Madiga’s attitude, which we all detested and which can only breed her more enemies than friends, we can find a way to avoid doing them. You see nobody likes a braggart boaster, not even Almighty Allah, who created him or her. For we read in Suratul Hadid verse 23 ‘Allah loveth not any vainglorious boaster.’ And in his monumental book the Ihya ulumiddiin, Imam Abu Hamid Al-Ghazali dedicated a whole volume to the destructive qualities of the soul. Several of them were displayed by Hajiya Madiga today as she sat there dominating the discussing form all angle and making sure that every topic brought up ended up being a chance for her to brag about her amazing family, their fortune and her fashion sense.’ I explained.
‘Honestly I have never seen a worse case of me, myself and I.’ That Madiga’s class act.
‘And to think that there are many in that room who were seeing her for the first time, what does she expect them to think of her?’ Asabe asked.
‘But she thinks she is impressing them by keeping them entranced with her enchanting conversation. I don’t think she has any sense of wrongdoing at all. What she seems to believe is that we were all greatly privileged to be in the same room with her, so we are under obligation to obediently hear her speak. That was why she kept going on and on with no consideration for other people’s opinions. Did you notice how easily she dismissed everybody’s views on anything? Did you also see how she interrupted some and openly denied others the chance to talk by simply talking on when they tried to speak? She is clearly the worst companion a person can get at an event.’ Maryam declared.
‘Well before we descend into actual backbiting, I think we can take lessons from Madiga’s behavior by deciding which one fits into the many destructive qualities Imam Ghazali talked about. We can then decide how best to guard against doing them and also how maybe we can help her know the problem she has.’ I suggested.
‘Look Bint, the only person who could help her was Fatima. She invited her to this pre-wedding Walima for her daughter because the wedding is taking place in their home town. The moment we left the bride and her friends outside and moved to the sitting room she ought to have taken over and regulated the conversation. How can she just sit there and allow one person to dominate the discussion by forcing her conceited, nouveau riche and boastful opinions on people?’ Maryam demanded.
‘It’s not as easy as you think Maryam. Just because you invited people to your occasion doesn’t mean you can force them to do what you want.’
Asabe countered.
‘Yes, unless Fatima will be so impolite as to request Madiga to be less talkative, I can’t see how she could do it. And going back to our
Imam Ghazali exercise, let us determine which of the destructive qualities of the soul she displayed at this Walima. Let’s see we have five more minutes before we reach your house Maryam, so we can do it before we are there I think. Number one; when Madiga talked about her very intelligent son who knew just what to say to shut people up, what sin of the tongue did she commit?’
‘That is easy Bint ‘boasting.’ Maryam replied.
‘Ok ten marks. Now Asabe, when she talked about the nine luxurious cars they own, which she can pick and use anytime, any day what sin was that?’ I asked.
‘That was bragging, I think.’ She replied laughing.
‘Yes ten marks for you too.’ I said, laughing along.
‘Ok, when someone complimented her dressing and she talked about how she designs all her dresses because she knew best what will suit her and never allowed tailors to design for her, what sin was that?’
‘Another boasting, of course.’ Maryam responded.
‘No, I think this time it’s self-praise. Though they can overlap at times but self-praise is greatly detested too. You need to recall what Al-Ghazali wrote against it.’ I emphasized. Then I asked ‘How about the several mansions they own which they would have lived in but decided to live in the least ostentatious of them. What sin was committed here?’
‘Another self-praise obviously, because she was trying to tell us they have the virtue of modesty which they really don’t have. Nothing about the lifestyle she speaks of hints at modesty. She should stop deceiving herself.’ Asabe grumbled.
‘Then her very domineering attitude of not allowing anyone to speak but herself or overruling what others said, thereby always having the last word on an issue. What category is this destructive quality of the soul?’
‘I think it is arrogance and self-conceit. Arrogance is displayed when she refuses to allow others to have their say because they aren’t important enough. Self conceit is shown then she overrules those who speak and insists on having the last word because she thinks she knows best.’ Maryam replied.
‘Very good Maryam, another ten marks for you. Now before we take the last turn to drop you at home how do we help Madiga with her baggage of sins?’ I asked.
‘First of all we should make copies of that chapter on sins of the tongue from the quarter on destructive qualities of Ihya ulumiddiin.
Then we will take a copy to Fatima in an envelope and tell her to send it to Madiga when she is sending the wedding souvenirs to her. You know she said she will be giving the souvenirs to us when she returned from the wedding in their home town. let’s do that and hope Hajiya Madiga will try and read it.’ Asabe suggested.
‘Yes let’s do that and PRAY that she will read and be guided by it.’
Maryam concurred.
‘Ok then, that’s what we will do. Fare thee well Maryam.’ I joked, stopping the car at her front door.