A fidus Achates

It is not friendship where fraternity stems from subjective variables. It cannot be called friendship if the relationship is not natural and original. Intimacy, concern and care must be reciprocal on the track of friendship. A friendly relationship is like the echoes of our voice, which come back to us when we make a sound. […]

It is not friendship where fraternity stems from subjective variables. It cannot be called friendship if the relationship is not natural and original. Intimacy, concern and care must be reciprocal on the track of friendship. A friendly relationship is like the echoes of our voice, which come back to us when we make a sound. In recent times, however, the mutual trust and confidence that used to define friendship have both been dumped by many. The radical eroding of values experienced in contemporary Nigeria has not spared the purity of the relationships that exist among us. Money, or wealth, rather seems to characterize the quality of friendship among people.
Allah (SWT) in Qur’an 59:9 gives a pragmatic description of the Islamic concept of friendship. It pertains to the Ansar (Helpers) of Madina, who invited the Prophet (SAW) and his followers from Makkah to join them in Madina. The hijrah (migration) of the Prophet (SAW) and his followers was made possible by the friendly environment and concern of the Ansars. They took the emigrants as friends. The Prophet (SAW) reports that Allah (SWT) said in a hadith qudsi (Muslim tradition in which Allah Himself speaks as opposed to ordinary prophetic tradition): “Those who remain friends for my sake (shall) have pulpits made from (divine) light and would be held in reverence by prophets and martyrs”.
The foundations of genuine friendship are rooted in the golden rule: “Do unto others as you would like them do unto you”. It is no friendship if you cannot love for your friend what you love for yourself. There is no friendship if you cannot stop thinking evil about your friend. It is not friendship if you cannot die for the survival of your friend. It is reported on the authority of Abu Hurrayrah (RA) that the Prophet (SAW) said: “Allah would provide shade for seven (people) on the day when there would be no other shade except His. They are: a just Imam (leader); a youth who grew and lived his life in the worship of Allah (SWT); a man whose heart is (always) attached to the mosque; two friends who are friends and friendly for the sake of Allah (SWT) and who would separate (if they have to) for the sake of Allah (SWT); a man whose desire was sought by a beautiful young lady but (only turned and) said: I fear Allah; a man who gave alms but concealed it such that the left hand didn’t know what the right hand gave out; and a man who was engrossed in the remembrance of Allah so much that tears rolled down from his eyes”.
A friend is much like a brother or sister. The Prophet (SAW) said: “No one of you (really) believes (in Allah and His religion) till he wants for his brother what he wants for himself”. Friends are one in feelings, thoughts and manners. Friends do not betray each other; they are honest and candid in their relationships. Friends do not cheat one another. They are reliable and dependable. Sincere friends are not jealous. Rather, they support their common and individual endeavours. Friends do not hold one another in contempt. Instead, they respect themselves and hold each other in high esteem. Friends do not look for their mistakes. To a great extent, they forgive and forget their shortcomings. They learn from each other’s life experiences. A friend who cannot forgive faults is not a good friend. The Prophet (SAW) said: “Do not say that if people are good to us, we will be good to them; and if people oppress us, we will oppress them. But be determined to be good to others whether they oppress or are good to you”. This should actually be the guiding principle of friendly relationships.
The role of friends in the comfort of life cannot be over-emphasized. Man needs his friends for offer pieces of advice when necessary. You need friends to calm you down while confused or disturbed. You need the encouragement of friends in order to persevere the realities of a modern world. You need friends to help you organize certain things in certain moments of your life. A tree does not and cannot make a forest. Genuine friendship should extend beyond strolling out together or dining together. A good friend is that fellow who is always there when you need him. A friend in need is ever a friend indeed. He is there and ready to give you shelter when you are homeless, give you clothing when you lack one, give you food when you are hungry, and console you when you are in trouble. This is what makes a fidus Achates. A good friend does these without necessarily waiting for to be called upon.
Friends may get old and die but friendship should neither die nor fade. Friendship like love never gets old, obsolete or worn-out. Whether rain or shine, joy or grief, success or failure, sincere friends remain together keeping the hope, trust and confidence of friendship alive. A good friend speaks the truth (bitter or sweet) because “A friend’s frown is better than a fool’s smile”. Friends must beware of the evils of rumourmongers, hypocrites, backbiters, and sneaking whisperers who may be envious of the resolute relationship that exists between them. Good friends are united in spirit and soul.
Granted that keeping friends is worthwhile; yet, they must be good ones. Bad friends corrupt. If birds of the same feather flock together, then, a well-tamed and well-behaved bird shouldn’t flock with a corrupt bird. If keeping a friend would amount to deviating from the path of guidance ordained by Allah (SWT) in the Qur’an and Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW), then, it is only apt that such a friend is discarded. May Allah (SWT) guide us all to be sincere in the relationship we keep with friends, amin.