A homebody’s blues

‘Assalamu alaikum’ I said, stepping into the sitting room, my little pastry pan in hand. ‘Barka da Sallah Halisa, how are you and the children?’‘Alhamdulillah, we are all fine, just too busy as usual.’ She replied, putting down the child she was carrying and handing scattered toys over to the older child in order to […]

‘Assalamu alaikum’ I said, stepping into the sitting room, my little pastry pan in hand. ‘Barka da Sallah Halisa, how are you and the children?’
‘Alhamdulillah, we are all fine, just too busy as usual.’ She replied, putting down the child she was carrying and handing scattered toys over to the older child in order to reduce the clutter in the room.
‘I know what you mean, at this stage they keep you busy all the time and nothing ever seems right. But with a good house help things can be managed well.’  I replied, taking the chair opposite hers and handing her the pan full of snacks.
“MashaAllah, thanks so much for your delicious Sallah snacks. You never seem to get tired of making and sharing them to us.’ Halisa said appreciatively.
‘You are welcome, but let me confess that I no longer make them myself. Placing a simple order to professional bakers takes care of everything these days. ‘ I disclosed, reaching out to pick her baby daughter. ‘So where is your house girl?’ I asked, looking around.
‘She insisted on going home for the Eid celebrations and because she gave me such a short notice, I didn’t have time to send an SOS to my mother so she can send me someone from home early enough. That’s why I have been running from pillar to post since yesterday, trying to keep this house in order. But this morning Mummy assured me that my cousin Rabi will be here to help out tomorrow. I can’t wait to see her.’ She explained.
‘I’m sure you can’t. Let me watch the kids for you while you go inside to freshen up.’ I offered.
‘No, I took a bath this morning, even before my husband left for the Eid prayers. I handed the children over to him and had my bath.’ She replied.
‘Pardon me for thinking you hadn’t, you are so casually dressed in your t-shirt and long skirt I just thought you didn’t get the chance to. Perhaps it was the tailor that disappointed you, that’s why you aren’t dressed-up for Sallah?’ I queried.
‘No, on the contrary the tailor was particularly punctual this year I had to pay him a special tribute for delivering all my Sallah clothes on time. I just didn’t dress up because, well it’s just us and the kids at home, we are going nowhere, and it didn’t seem worthwhile wasting brand new clothes on a day at home.’ Halisa observed simply.
‘So where is your husband now?’
‘He left as soon as he ate his Sallah meal. You’d think he will hang around to help with the kids since it’s a public holiday, but he just couldn’t wait to eat and leave. Men can be very inconsiderate, I mean he knows that I am all alone with the all the chores to be done but that didn’t deter him from rushing his meal and leaving the house as soon as he returned from Eid prayer.’ She complained.
‘Frankly I don’t blame your husband for running away. How can any man accept seeing his wife as drab-looking as you are, especially on Sallah day? Did you look at yourself in the mirror today? You can easily pass for the house help in your worn out T-shirt and ancient gypsy skirt. Why did you think I thought you hadn’t had a bath? It’s because that’s the picture you cut. You portray the picture of a woman who is so engrossed with housework you have no time for basic cleanliness. And all you could say was that you had nowhere to go that’s why you couldn’t dress up for the Sallah.
Can’t you dress up just to look good and please your husband? Why should going out or expecting visitors be the only reason you look good? No wonder you always look your best in the mornings when you are going to work.  So you believe that’s the only time you are supposed to dress up? Well listen to me young lady, within the four walls of this house is where you are expected to look your best.
In this house it is an obligation for you to dress up and beautify yourself for your husband. It is his right to see you looking attractive and welcoming. In the case of outing you are actually expected to dress modestly and less attractively because you are not supposed to draw unnecessary attention to yourself when outside. So get your priorities right otherwise your husband will really continue keeping his distance from here even on public holidays.’ I warned.
‘You know you might have hit the nail on the head for me Hajiya. My husband used to be a thorough homebody, but now he goes out at the slightest excuse and just remains there till bed time. I was worried at the beginning, you know, even thinking that he might be seeing someone out there. But when I noticed that he was still his normal self, there was nothing secretive about his moves, I just relaxed. It just didn’t occur to me that I might have something to do with it.’ She confessed.
‘Well you do neighbor dear, and unless you do something about it, some woman might actually come into the picture because your husband is a young and attractive, upwardly mobile man. He certainly will attract female admirers and will not always be willing to shun them when you don’t make the effort to keep him attracted to you.  If only my Grandma was alive, I would have taken you to her for an earful. She was always complaining that we women of today never make the effort to look feminine and attractive.
 She forced me to be making the simple henna designs because she claimed that no man will be attracted to hands that look like his. She swears that a house with no incense is full of funny smells that are capable of keeping a man away. She actually advocates looking like a bride to your man always, believing that that is the only way to keep a man’s heart in the right place.
Now Grandma might not have been entirely right because today’s men might still chase others even if you do all of her matrimonial recipes and more. But at least do your best to make him happy and attracted to you. If he still ends up chasing others let it be because he has the weakness not because you have forced him to it by your own failings. So while you are at this, please rush to your room and dress in your Sallah best before he returns. I will stay with the children while you are dolling up. And I mean really doll up, you will find that it is worth it.’ I urged with a smile.
‘Thank you very much Hajiya Bint, you are certainly heaven-sent.’ Halisa replied, rushing to her room.