A LETTER FROM DUBAI

The significance of the sad, unfortunate and regrettable incident is so glaring because of several reasons. One; the Prophet (upon whom be peace), had given the condition for an acceptable Hajj to include ‘La Jidal’ (no untoward behaviour). Two; the incident happened during the very three days when pilgrims are supposed to be at their […]

The significance of the sad, unfortunate and regrettable incident is so glaring because of several reasons. One; the Prophet (upon whom be peace), had given the condition for an acceptable Hajj to include ‘La Jidal’ (no untoward behaviour). Two; the incident happened during the very three days when pilgrims are supposed to be at their most pious: camped specifically to stone the Devil and so frustrate Satan’s machinations. Alas, Satan took his revenge and his ‘hand’ could be seen so clearly in the fisticuff.

Apart from that sad spectacle, there was also the unfortunate purported Stoning of the First Pilgrim because, according to reports, he had insisted on doing things right, even if in a reportedly uncouth manner.

It is not for me, your correspondent, as an advocate of A Daidaita Sahu, to unBrand Nigeria and give you the salacious details of what transpired, and why, during those incidents. You may perhaps have read them elsewhere. Suffice it to say that, but for the fact that Prophet Noah (Nuh alaihis salam) spent 950 years calling on his people to mend their ways, one would have since given up on the attitude and behaviour of the Good People from the Great Nation. But we shall persevere and continue; perchance 140 million of us can fit into that final Ark.

 So, then, your correspondent heads home.

 God help the husband whose wife discovers Dubai. Unless, of course, he is a Member of the Nigerian Ruling Houses (House of Reps, House of Senate, House of Villa, House of State Government House). If not, wallahi God help the man. And was I not the one complaining bitterly about the Meridiens, the Hiltons and the Intercontinentals surrounding the Mosque and Tomb of the Holy Prophet Muhammad, upon whom be peace? Yet here was Dubai, right on the tip of the Arabian Peninsula which the Prophet upon whom be peace had first claimed for Islam, a completely de-Arabised and Americanised city. And who am I to complain?

 Arabs are megalomaniacal, but the Dubai Ruling House has taken it to extreme heights, literally. But when one realises that the Ruler of Dubai is both an architect and a poet (I just read his collection, Poems from the Desert), one would understand the mentality of the phenomenon called Dubai. The Maktoums have succeeded in creating a completely Western city from the backwaters of a sleepy fishing village of 50 years ago. And who am I to complain?

 I have been to Dubai quite a number of times but this is the first time I spent a couple of days looking around the city, perhaps in order to release the pent-up tensions and frustrations emanating from that behaviour of our Good People from the Great Nation in the Holy Land. Dubai is a reality, a city to lament the misfortunes and lost opportunities of our Great Nation. A city to make you yearn for the ultimate, Paradise; a city that claims it never sleeps. A city built for the here-and-now, a city to make you forget the hereafter. And who am I to complain?

 A City Of Superlatives

Dubai boasts the largest shopping mall in the world, the Dubai Mall. It indeed is large. The restaurants on the food court alone can even feed the army of Alexander the Great, in my opinion. Then right at the Mall, there is the highest fountain in the world, the water of which dances to Indian music. Wallahi. Dubai is also just about to complete the tallest building in the world, Burj Dubai, and they have had the only so-called Seven Star and most luxurious hotel in the world, the Burj Arab. Dubai has longest automated train, the Dubai Metro. And oh, Dubai also has the biggest collection of sea life at Dubai Aquarium and Underwater Zoo.

 From Outer Space

The Palm is the only other man-made creation visible from outer space, (the other being the Great Wall of China). The Palm is a habitation of the rich and famous, from Michael Jackson to David Beckham, but now is proud to include many Nigerians as well. (To be fair, one can buy an annual week’s holiday for some ‘reasonable’ amount).

 IBN BATTUTA MALL

A friend had insisted I take in Ibn Battuta Mall, a shopping centre themed after the travels of the Great 14th Century Muslim Adventurer Ibn Battuta. There were six themed regions to correspond with the major milestones of Ibn Battuta’s travels: Andalusia (today’s Spain), Tunisia, Egypt, Persia (today’s Iran), India and China. In each of the six thematic areas, the architecture, the ambience, the shops, the goods, the food all reflect the themed regions.

 Driving Me Nuts

I have no idea why I so like cashew nuts. At the Ibn Battuta Mall, there was this nuts shop that presented cashew nuts in such a way that nearly drove me nuts. There was plain roasted cashew nuts. There was chilli roasted cashew nuts. Then, yum, there was honey roasted cashew nuts, and even chocolate roasted cashew nuts. Not to talk of roasted pistachio, roasted almonds…kai! Had a nutty experience.

“Eeveryday I am Am Hustling  $$$”

Returning to Brand Nigeria, I saw this guy on the Dubai Metro and everything about him screamed ‘Naija!’ First, his T-shirt bore the legend “Everyday I’m Hustling”, followed by a picture of a stack of billions of dollars (similar to that make-believe photo which made the Internet rounds recently purportedly about a certain Niger Delta governor). Second, he was wearing two gold necklaces on his neck. And I say it was a he. And third, he spoke to another hustler in that only major Nigerian language that does not cross the nation’s borders.

Good People

At the airport, I had overheard some Arabs say something uncomplimentary about our Good People so, when an Arab asked where I was from, I had a ready answer. Knowing Arabs quite well, having studied with them for a while, they abhor manifestation of ignorance. So I said, “I am from Kano.” He quickly replied “Aah! Near Djibouti? Good People!” He forgot to add “Great Nation”.