A live punching bag (II)

‘He drinks a lot Anti Bint.’ Sadiya answered in pain.  Any time he returns home drunk, I will caution him against it both from a religious and from a health perspective. That usually provokes him. He will get angry and start saying I had no right to change him. Then he will get violent and […]

‘He drinks a lot Anti Bint.’ Sadiya answered in pain.  Any time he returns home drunk, I will caution him against it both from a religious and from a health perspective. That usually provokes him. He will get angry and start saying I had no right to change him. Then he will get violent and start beating me.’ She explained.
‘But why didn’t you ever tell me?’ her mother asked.
‘Because of the advice you gave me the day I got married. You said I should please not disappoint you by being intolerant and impatient.
You told me that all your children had peaceful, successful marriages and I shouldn’t be the exception. I remember you saying that even Yaya Asabe, whose marriage fell apart after 20 years had a good track record of being a patient wife.
You added that that was the reason her ex-husband kept insisting on reconciliation and only gave up when she got married to her new husband. With all these examples I couldn’t see myself rushing to you after just a month of marriage to say that I had discovered he was an alcoholic.’ Sadiya explained.
‘But I never meant that you should tolerate everything in your marriage when I said you must learn to be patient. All I wanted was for you to be an exemplary wife.’ Hajiya Umma replied, dejectedly.
‘Yes and that was why I tried to convince myself that I could change him. But any such effort by me always ended in violence. My friends advised me to ignore his drinking and just concentrate …..’
‘You mean even your friends knew about his drinking problem but your family didn’t?’ Her mother interrupted.
‘Actually, my friends found out by chance when they showed up here one morning after he had battered me the night before. They asked what was wrong because they could see me in pain but couldn’t see the visible cause of pain since I was all dressed up. Though my bruises were mostly covered, I gave them a graphic account of how I was beaten up.
 They sympathized profusely but advised me to stop bothering myself with Makau’s alcoholism. They said there are some wives who live with worse than a drunkard, so I should consider myself lucky that he’s a rich young man and that I live in this nice bungalow and get to travel abroad often.’ Sadiya ended.
‘What kind of friends are these?’ Maryam asked in anger. ‘They heard your story and still advised you to remain with a wife-batterer? Who told them you will live long enough to enjoy the nice bungalow and the foreign travel at the rate he is beating you?’ She demanded.
‘No I think what they meant was if I stopped complaining about his drinking he will not feel the urge to beat me. And I did try to ignore it at first but I just couldn’t.  Anytime he returned home drunk, I found myself talking against it. Once, when our marriage was just three months old, we went on our second trip and right there in Europe, he found a place to indulge. He returned to our hotel room drunk and I immediately began to protest what he had done. He turned and began to rain such heavy blows on me that by morning I had lost our baby.’ Sadiya declared.
‘You mean you had been pregnant and even lost it without telling us?’
Her mother was incredulous.
‘I felt shy about telling you I was pregnant but kept hoping that you will see it when it has grown. But before then I miscarried so I felt no need to mention it. However since then I have been on birth control, I do not want to have a child under these circumstances.’ She explained.
‘Beyond the resolution not to have a child with him, when did you plan to leave him?’ I asked. Sadiya lifted her head sadly and looked at me but she didn’t say a word. ‘So this means that walking out on this marriage was never an option you considered, you planned to stay here as long as it takes, even if he kills you in the process.’ I observed.
‘No Anti Bint, I was hoping for a way out.’ She replied.
‘How will you find a way out when you wouldn’t tell anyone?’ Maryam demanded.
‘Whether she is ready to seek a solution or not, this marriage is over.’ Hajiya Umma declared. ‘I am taking you with me now. I will take you to the hospital straight away but before then we will make two brief stops. One will be to the police station to report this, the other will be to Makau’s parents to let them see what he had done to you. The next time I come here will be to pack your things.’ She resolved.
‘But Hajiya try to find a solution to this problem without ending their marriage. That seems like a drastic step.’ I said.
‘No Bint, even in Islam, alcoholism is a reason for divorce. No wife is obligated to live with a man who drinks alcohol even if he doesn’t maltreat her. But the fact that he batters her makes it even more pertinent to dissolve this marriage.’ Maryam replied before Hajiya Umma could.
‘Really, so you see what you have done to yourself Sadiya?’ Her mother asked. ‘You forced yourself to live with a drunkard this past one year when you could have freed yourself by merely telling your family.’
Hajiya Umma said.
‘But you must remember that we are talking about her husband here. The man she loved and married, someone she hoped she could change because she cared about him.’ I offered ‘Don’t talk to me about love and care Bint. There is nothing on her face that speaks love or affection. All I can see is a young lady who had the beating of her life from her mad husband. I did not bear her in my womb for nine months and suffer the labour of bringing her into this world, as well as nurture her to decent adulthood, just so that some spoilt, drunken man could send her to an early grave. Don’t weaken my resolve Bint, I am taking my daughter home and this marriage is history.’ Hajiya Umma declared, resolutely. I looked over at Sadiya to see what her reaction to her mother’s declaration was and was surprised to see her smiling, despite her swollen face. She obviously welcomes this step to her salvation.