A military training for NYSC members

In stupid countries, where leaders know that they owe their mandate to the electorate and not the capricious will of an overwhelming party, they would do periodic briefings. I was shocked recently, to find out that Jamaica, which many of us think is part of the black race actually keeps tab on these things. Only […]

In stupid countries, where leaders know that they owe their mandate to the electorate and not the capricious will of an overwhelming party, they would do periodic briefings. I was shocked recently, to find out that Jamaica, which many of us think is part of the black race actually keeps tab on these things. Only recently, Jamaica’s security minister reprimanded the police because the populace discovered that the police, under the guise of curbing crime shoot at will and give explanations later. Things like that make me jealous of Jamaica because they are stupid enough to keep count of the number of people who die in police shootings enough to do something about it. Africa’s most populous nation has more disposable population and so does not bother itself with such minute details.

Years back, Ibrahim Babangida opened the horror vaults of the infamous NSO. The contents did not please the nation but things have changed a bit in Yellow House according to Marilyn Ogar. The police are unhappy with the populace because they will not give them the information they need to tackle the enemies of society. I am usually surprised, because in every police station is a plaque informing us that the police is our friend. Except that those who have been to police stations usually do not pray to return. The reality of cops being your friend may be as good as that section of our constitution which identifies the things that governments exist to do for the citizenry, but makes sure that we can never compel them to provide them. Stuff like free education, health, housing, jobs etc.

In reality, government says it does not have enough money to provide these things as of right and I believe them. Because if they did, there would not be enough for all those junkets which fuel health tourism. Nor would there be much left to put the children of public servants in schools abroad and have legitimate excuses to make those official trips there. Not to talk of the kind of insanity that makes computers commit glitches that get the world to notice how unconscionable we all are.

I love the police and I love the army even more. Do I have a choice? Ever try to argue with a police officer at a secluded checkpoint? Well, maybe you have never heard of Dele Udoh or listened to Fela’s Zombie. Maybe you have never crossed the AYA Bridge because your arthritics knees won’t let you climb the overhead bridge. In our country, the arthritic have as much rights as other physically challenged – stay home, beg or die. Those who live in Lagos and cross overhead bridges know that the uniformed man is your friend as much as bus drivers who give courtesy to ‘staff’. Someday, I hope to write a befitting epitaph to the relationship between the forces and their ‘bloody civilian’ friends. Someday, when I write my will, since I am no longer as young as I was when I had my last encounter with the army. I hope I have something to bequeath to my kids before carring out that task.

For now lets not celebrate the extinction of the forces constitutionally raised to keep us internally safe and externally sound. Every other day somewhere in northern Nigeria, it seems a police officer is killed. As for soldiers, they never die in conflicts, maybe because they are not as exposed as the police or as close. Or maybe, it helps the myth to keep such statistics out of public domain. But you can imagine the trouble that the inspector-general has had to deal with, apart from the personal tragedies that seem to dog him every now and then. Imagine the lobby to be transferred to less troublesome areas. In other lands, insuring our law enforcement agents would have hit the roof because of the attrition rate. But our insurance works in the breach.

I have also taken judicious notice of the fact that the minister of youths was quoted as saying that unemployment is high among the youths. That is a difficult thing to sustain with a people whom late Godwin Agbroko described as having a poor sense of mathematics. But if the minister has denied the ‘rumour’ we will never know, after all Boko Haram the official Ombudsman is angry because the press does not do rebuttals. The third reason is obvious – when a PDP official talks about youth, usually they are talking about anyone who by law can vote and those who by Oronsaye’s reform are youth enough to have retired. The latter are many as for the former, no figures.

With the level of insecurity in Nigeria only a few parents would be happy to see their wards enlist either in the army or the police. So, I just thought I could wickedly suggest that instead of telling our graduates – Now Your Suffering Continues – let’s make it official and give them a full-fledged military training. Now this is not the first time I am having this brain wave only this time, we have reached that level when we all should be taught to use arms for our own defense and maybe to be able to disarm those who  live to harm us. A two-year full military training will make anyone think twice before taking up arms against an unarmed person. Now the minister of youth can settle down and plan for it, he just got the C-in-C’s everlasting confidence.