A mother like no other

Even with these general qualities, the definition of mother varies from person to person. My mother covers all variations, she is as diverse as one individual can be; role model, best friend, confidant, and so much more. We are a total of eleven kids borne to my mother but with the death of my sister […]

Even with these general qualities, the definition of mother varies from person to person. My mother covers all variations, she is as diverse as one individual can be; role model, best friend, confidant, and so much more. We are a total of eleven kids borne to my mother but with the death of my sister Ikram last year (may her soul rest in peace) we were reduced to ten surviving presently.  Eleven bonds and spirits, each unique in their own way, yet all connected through my mother’s heart.

My mother’s love is constant and equal for every one of her children, it does not vary from child to child, and each of us has the same attachment to her. She has created a home for us where there is peace and security and a deep sense of belonging for every one of us. I have never seen or experienced any were the kind of joy, empathy, and every other conceivable emotion that I have seen in my mum’s upbringing of her children, I remember as a young kid her loving devotion and constant presence and as I grew older the main source of support and guidance for me and my other siblings. She is the one I see at my best and at my worse, accepting, loving, supporting, she might not necessarily be at the forefront but her presence is assured. She has encouraged me to grow and develop myself, to be independent, she taught me to work hard, to love challenges and to never give up, most of these lesson I learn through her own example. She brings out the best in me and my brothers and sisters. One thing about my mum am grateful about is that she has never forced any of her children to take a path she wants but she gives us the freedom to make our choices and decisions on what we want in life within reason.  The most precious thing our mum has given us is her trust and confidence, it might not always be obvious and we might not always feel it but it is always there. My mother is a disciplinarian, but a very gentle one. She is very generous with her praises and blessings for all of us even with the smallest good done, and her scolding scarce.

She has helped me find my identity and is the one who tends to my dreams with water and sunshine, enabling them to grow and blossom.   Up to this stage of my life she is the one person who still helps me discover more about the world and my place in it. She holds my hand and gently nudges me on over and over again when it gets too scary and I want to pull back or take the easy way out. She never believes anything but the very best in me. Whenever one of her children needs her, my mother drops everything she is doing and attends to them no matter how busy she is at that time. I can’t remember the countless times I picked the phone and called her and she stop whatever she is doing, just cuts right through it no matter how important and rushes forth to attend  to my problems. Whatever difficulty I find myself in whether its being ill, or in trouble or just plain hurt it is my mum who has the largest capacity to take it away or to share the suffering with me.  She is the one I turn to automatically when am down and I remember all the pain my mother had willingly undergone on my behalf and all the trying times that we had gone through together. It is this unconditional love, this absolute certainty that she is by my side under any circumstance that is the biggest source of my strength in life. With her by my side nothing seems impossible. She therefore thought me the true meaning of mothers love; ever-present, unconditional and boundless.

The thing that makes my mother special is that not only is she an excellent mother to ten active and still growing children but also a highly intellectual academician and also an outstanding business woman.  She manages a home, a career and a very successful business. It takes an extraordinary person to juggle these very demanding responsibilities. She is smart and intelligent and strong. She is the busiest most efficient person I know, she never seems to have time for herself, and I worry about her so much most of the time.  She is also a very simple person, humble in her dealings with people and she has very few impossible dreams and fewer illusions about life.  She has a goodness that seems to envelope all. She is also very wise and spiritual. Every day I spend with my mum adds to my knowledge and insight about the world.

I learnt and experienced through her that a mother’s love is one of the strongest purest forms of mercy. for no one in the world has more mercy for me than my mother, no one knows me more , no one can protect me as much or knows better for me than my mother. No one that is, except God.

I had always been very close to my mother, and while growing up looked to her as the ideal role model of what a woman should be and how she should behave. But as I grew up, saw the world and developed new perspectives my opinion became more diverse. There was a stage when I feel mentally torn between either imitating my mother or other significant influences in my life. But I have come to realize that my mum is the ultimate role model for everything I wish to be. Also I realize that my mum is after all a human, capable of making mistakes. She is not perfect and has made her fair share of mistakes in life. Still to me she is the nearest to perfection as any human being could get. She is strong and honest and pretty and has such a great sense of humor and I wonder if I can ever fit into her shoes.  I do now understand that I cannot do the same things as my mum does, I don’t have her dedication and stamina but she has given me a pattern on which to build my own life. My mother’s relationship is like a model that has enabled me mold my ability to enter into other emotional relationships; she has shown me goodness and has taught me to believe in people.  It is funny how we don’t always feel the impact of our mothers love till later in life when we are all grown up and exposed to life and its challenges, and then we feel more acutely the impact of a lifetime of a mother’s love.

One of the great things about my relationship with my mum is that she always we tell each other everything. My mother is the type of person who genuinely listens, no matter how tired or busy she is. She might not completely understand you or share your perspective but she will listen carefully and respond kindly and honestly. This open channel of communication we have between us has breed a lot of trust and a deep understanding of each other; it has also led us to always appreciate each other’s stand on things that we differ.  And through all the ups and downs, the arguments and the disagreements, it still turned out to be such an intimate and close relationship.

I think we should all take a second look at our mothers and our relationship with her. We should celebrate our mothers and we should make them a priority.  We should remember the incomparable role they played in our life and we should honor them above all else.

Bugaje, a graduate of Mass Communication from the Ahmadu Bello University, contributed this piece from Zaria