A new dimension to the Aajo

‘What do you mean I left before the event ended? I was there till the very end. I was even by my car when the bride and her friends were ushered into their own and driven off. That was the point at which I entered my car and came home.’ I countered.‘By this you mean […]

‘What do you mean I left before the event ended? I was there till the very end. I was even by my car when the bride and her friends were ushered into their own and driven off. That was the point at which I entered my car and came home.’ I countered.
‘By this you mean the Walima don’t you? But that was only the first event, after that we went back to the bride’s home to pray and freshen up, then we went out for the Aajo.’ Asabe answered, walking with me towards the sitting room.
‘Aajo, but no one ever does that these days? I mean this was such an ancient tradition that not even at our own weddings was it done. I believe I was still a schoolgirl the last time I saw an Aajo event. How can you now tell me that in our children’s generation, people are back to doing that festive fundraising for newly-weds?’ I asked.
‘Because I have seen one today.’ Asabe insisted.
‘Really? But it must be something they thought of at the last minute because it wasn’t among the list of programmes on the invitation card.‘ I argued.
‘Yes I didn’t see it there too, but we were told to go for it after Zuhr prayers at the bride’s family house.’ She explained.
‘I see and how did it go?’ I enquired.
‘Well in some ways it was the aajo we knew as children. There was traditional entertainment, the usual praise singers, the dancers, the local MC straining his voice to announce each donation after a ton of praise and jokes. But it is on another dimension all together when you weigh the value of the gifts on offer. In short the new aajo is just a show of wealth. Nine different luxury cars were donated to the couple on the spot. It became a competition of sorts between the two sides. If an uncle of the bride announced the donation of a certain model of car by handing over its keys to the MC, be sure the next donor will be an uncle to the groom announcing his own wonder-on-wheels. Then their aunties, father’s friends, mother’s cronies etc all staged their donor shows. When nine cars were collected and it became obvious that one side had won the competition, the groom’s father’s associate announced the donation of an Abuja-based apartment by dangling its keys to the MC, to even the scales.’ Asabe concluded.
‘Can you believe this, how far will our people go in pursuit of ostentation? Isn’t it bad enough that almost every wedding today leaves people impoverished or in debt because of the many unnecessary innovations that had been brought into it? Must we now add to all those expenses by re-inventing the aajo in such an expensive manner?’ I lamented.
‘I believe only those who can afford it will try such a thing, so I am not really bothered. I know the trend wouldn’t catch on and become popular since majority of our people can’t afford to stage that show.’ She observed, smugly.
‘Oh don’t be naïve Asabe. You know our people are original copy-cats. It is precisely because they are always trying to do what the rich and famous do that we have the current problems people have after marrying off their sons and daughters. Didn’t we all say that the Ashoebi wouldn’t catch on because only the rich could afford to impose the purchase and sewing of new clothes on invited guests? But what do we see today, every wedding has to have the dreaded uniform. Then we said only the rich could afford to be giving out lavish, name-engraved souvenirs at their weddings, and again the poor laughed at our predictions and began to share engraved souvenirs, even if they will end up crying after the weddings. Stuff like bridal cleaning and decoration, which used to be handled by female relatives and friends have all been outsourced to professional strangers, yet the poor are doing it alongside the rich. So how can you convince me that this aajo thing will not be imported into ordinary folks wedding, to further add to their woes?’ I demanded, handing her the glass of kunun zaqi that I poured for her.
‘Yes, you have a point there Bint. But any ordinary people who embark on copying the expensive trends of the rich have only themselves to blame if they ended up in financial trouble. I simply have no sympathy for people who live above their means. And now that the aajo is no longer about helping a young groom with funds to start up a family but is about showing off which side could give more cars and houses, what will ordinary people donate, bicycles and or tricycles?’ she asked rhetorically.
‘I wonder too, my sister.’ I replied, sipping my own kunun zaqi. ‘It’s really funny how people go out of their way to create their own hell. I mean the real necessities of a marriage are a dowry and the witnesses. Wedding feasts (walima) are recommended because a joyful event should be marked joyfully but only for those who can afford it. Yet because we have lost sight of the real aim of a marriage and are only out to achieve the glitter, we have now made the recommended acts and the expensive innovations seem more like the necessities. We can’t think of a wedding without a mother’s or sisters’ night, a dinner party, a wushe-wushe or some other cultural night and a daytime walima. Add to that the new aajo and you have a perfect recipe for financial woes.’ I declared.
‘And for the wrath of Almighty Allah too, if we are to be honest.’ Asabe corroborated. ‘I mean, in recommending the marriage among Muslims, Rasulillah SAW said ‘Marry to fulfill half of your faith.’ And he SAW also said ‘The best marriage is the one in which the least expense is incurred.’ Now look at what obtains today, people are striving to have the most expensive wedding. They also strive to have it publicized, as if that adds value to the union. Those expensive wedding dresses that brides make today can feed a poor family for a month, if the money was donated, yet some brides make three to four of them.
 And we have now made mixing of the sexes a must in weddings because we insist the bride, the groom and their friends must all be present at once. In our days the men had their reception, after the wedding fatiha, at a separate location, while we women had our walima at another venue. And that didn’t make our marriages any less whole or joyous. No wonder today’s marriages start having problems almost from day one. It’s because all of Allah’s rules were broken in the process of contracting them. When in trying to fulfill half of your faith you choose to please Satan rather than your Creator, do you expect His blessings and peace to abound in the marriage? I think we should encourage the imams and other ulama to vigorously start preaching against all those innovations we’ve introduced into today’s marriages so people can stop doing them.’ Asabe suggested.
‘Yes, we should do so and if I were close to this new couple, I will advise them to choose two each, out of the nine cars they got at aajo, then sell the rest and embark on charity work with the money. Let them look around them and feed the poor and the needy as well as clothe them. They can also visit camps where internally displaced victims of the insurgency and other social upheavals are camped and then donate food and clothing to them. They can even rent houses for some to enable them return to normal society before it will be safe for them to return home. This way they can earn the pleasure of Almighty Allah and His unending blessings in their marriage.’ I opined.
‘That shouldn’t be difficult Bint, I can accompany you to meet the newly-weds anytime you are ready. You know the bride’s mum is my close friend that is why I was among those who went and decorated the young lady’s new home. I will take you there as soon as they return from their overseas honeymoon.’ She pledged.
‘An overseas honeymoon? It follows doesn’t it?’ I asked, laughing.
‘Oh yes it does, what did you expect?’ Asabe anwered, laughing back.