A repeat of history

‘It is more like reminiscence than day-dream. I had an encounter today which reminded me of something we once went through in this family. I had to wonder how the more things are different the more they are the same sometimes.’ I explained. ‘I see, so what is this long grammar all about?’ He asked […]

‘It is more like reminiscence than day-dream. I had an encounter today which reminded me of something we once went through in this family. I had to wonder how the more things are different the more they are the same sometimes.’ I explained.

‘I see, so what is this long grammar all about?’ He asked turning over completely to face my seat. ‘I’m sure there is an easier way to tell me the whole story.’ He joked.

‘Ok,’ I replied, smiling back ‘I went to see Rahma in hospital, you know Maryam’s younger sister who had a baby two days ago. While admiring the little boy I remarked that he was the spitting image of his father. And Rahma surprised me by saying rather unhappily:

‘Yes he is, the little betrayer.’

‘Little betrayer, you mean you wanted him to look like you?’ i asked her.

‘Not necessarily, he is free to look like anyone but his father. It’s too unbearable.’ She answered.

‘Anyone but his father? You know that you aren’t making sense, don’t you?’ I demanded.

‘Yes, I’m sorry Anti Bint. Let me start from the beginning. When I told my husband that we were expecting a third child early this year, he went into tantrums and said we couldn’t have another child in less than four years of marriage. What was I trying to do? Overcrowd his life and make things difficult for us? He went on and on about how we couldn’t afford this baby and therefore had to find a way out. Once his tantrums were over I calmly told him that we could begin to practice birth control after this one but he wouldn’t even consider it. In the end he dragged me to our doctor. The man listened carefully and repeated more or less what I said; that we should have this baby then prevent the others from coming. But Bello couldn’t be convinced.

Finally the doctor gave in and said I could come the following week to have the pregnancy terminated. But I had such misgivings about it that I refused to come for another two months. During those two months my marriage was hell. We were always quarrelling over the slightest thing. He kept reminding me about how he hated the idea of this baby and how he’ll have nothing to do with it if I insisted on having it. By the time my pregnancy was four months old the pressure was too much for me. I gave in and went for the abortion.’ She sobbed.

‘You did? Then how come?’ I asked.

‘Well Almighty God showed us He is able to do all things. I went for the termination after praying hard for God’s forgiveness because we really had no reason to want the abortion apart from Bello’s insistence. The doctor gave me an injection and said I should go home and wait to go into labour, that it will come naturally. I did go into labour and before I could seek help I was already losing the baby. By the time I was rushed back to him I had lost one foetus. Apparently I was expecting twins. The second one refused to come out. I lost blood and was hospitalised for days but he could still hear the foetal heartbeat. Finally he told us to go home, that this is one baby that’s destined to be born. And here he is.’ Rahma concluded.

‘I’m very sorry Rahma. I had no idea you went through all this to have this baby but don’t worry, I’m sure your husband has realised his mistake and has retracted all he said before. Who wouldn’t after seeing his very own face reflected back at him?’ I observed.

‘Don’t be too sure Anti, I doubt if he is remorseful about this. At least nothing about his behaviour betrayed that fact. Anyway I’m resigned to fate. If he is determined to hate this boy, I will surely make it up to him by giving him every love and care he needs, inshAllah.’ She pledged, the tears flowing down her cheeks.

‘Stop crying, rest assured he will love this child. It is all his masculine pride at work. He thinks you have won because it was you who wanted the baby and now you’ve got it. He’ll come round. All men who do that are usually plagued by guilt, shame and pride until they get over them. Then love conquers them.’ I assured.

‘You mean there are other men out there who could make their wives go through what I went through?’ she asked incredulously.

‘Yes there are’ I replied. ‘I know of at least three women who went through what you did and each of them lost the baby under pressure from extreme psychological tension. Unlike you who was induced to lose the baby, in their own case, their unbearable emotional state led them to miscarriage.’ I told her. By the time I left her bedside she looked considerably relieved from her misery. But driving back home I couldn’t chase away the memory of when I went through the same traumatic experience with Tahir.

When he caught me smiling I was actually recalling how I found out, to my great relief that my   friends Aisha and Safiya had gone through the same drama in their marriages. They also ended up losing their pregnancies. Returning to the present, I said to Tahir:

‘It’s amazing how men are always alike however much they seemed different on the outside.’ I remarked, concluding the story.

‘What do you mean?’ He asked, sitting up on the couch.

‘I mean over a decade ago, you kicked against my third pregnancy, quoting very similar excuses to the ones Bello quoted for Rahma. He was no more than a student at the time and certainly didn’t know you, yet see history repeating itself in him; same words, same action.’ I taunted.

‘Yes, it was really callous of him to demand what he did of his wife, but I’m sure my reasons for objecting to your third pregnancy were very different from his. I am not that unreasonable,’ he argued.

‘So what were they?’ I insisted.

‘Who remembers? I just know that there is no way I will object to your pregnancy based on some financial considerations. I know the Holy Quran says we must not kill our children for fear of poverty because Almighty God provides for them and for us.’ He said rising up.

‘Ok, let me remind you of what your reason was………’

‘I don’t want to be reminded, you have a way of twisting facts to favour you whenever I say I can’t remember something, so please spare me the reminder. In any case it’s time to pray Magrib. I have to get ready.’ He replied.

‘Just one thing Tahir, did you ever regret all that emotional turmoil we went through at the time? Was it worthwhile challenging God’s will and making me pay for it?’ I demanded, grabbing his hand as he passed me by’

‘Frankly Bint it wasn’t, and yes I regretted everything about that dark episode. And in case you hadn’t noticed, that was why I allowed you to have two more children without even a whimper. I hope I’d made it up to you Wifey dearest.’ He replied.

‘Well, yes you have hubby dearest.’ With that I let go of his sleeve and rose up to go and pray.