A wedding proposal

And so regularly do these invitations come that for those who wish to accept them, especially if they have to drive to do so, the invitations defeat the logic behind a no-work weekend on which workers are supposed to wind down after a strenuous, five-day, 40-hour working week. And in any case, it will be […]

And so regularly do these invitations come that for those who wish to accept them, especially if they have to drive to do so, the invitations defeat the logic behind a no-work weekend on which workers are supposed to wind down after a strenuous, five-day, 40-hour working week. And in any case, it will be impossible for anyone to attend so many functions at the same time in so many different places. Clearly, this is not sustainable: you cannot attend ten functions every weekend; and if you can decide to refuse to attend some, you can decide not to attend any—and do something better for all.
Before the subtle bureaucratisation of the wedding culture marriages used to be solemnised on Thursday afternoons. But all this was to change with the rise of the bureaucracy and its work free Saturdays, the rise in the number of university graduates in the region, the development of pan-regional friendships, the rise in inter-ethnic marriages, the rise of the old-boy network, the creation of states, the ease of communications, the development of road networks and, now, the rise of tokunbo.
Now, if the groom is Kanuri, the bride may be Nupe, the two having been classmates in ABU, Zaria or the groom is a bank worker in Lafiagi. Or the bride may be from Kogi, the groom from Adamawa and the best man from Sokoto. And it is all like that all over the place; and when a particular date is fixed, it wouldn’t be known that five other classmates are getting married on the same day in different states. But even if it is known, there are more marriages than there are days in the year.
First of all, having to travel every weekend to weddings can be a waste of precious time. Second of all, and for those having to travel distances in excess of 500 kilometres, it becomes a cause of travel fatigue and toll on health. Third of all, accepting the invitations comes with the possibility of accidents, the probability of armed robberies and other equally fatal dangers.
And it is such a waste of precious resources: because the new family that the wedding is supposed to join in wedlock can do with the fortune that is spent on fuelling vehicles, feeding on the road, repairs after breakdowns and several other travel-related expenses incurred on the way to the wedding; so, instead of travelling and exposing themselves to danger and unnecessary losses, invitees should stay at home and add the cost of fuel, feeding and repairs that they will have spent if they travel to the quantum of gudunmoya, the contribution and wedding presents, that they intend to give the couple.
It is hereby proposed that all Muslim parents and guardians accept to fix subsequent wedding dates for their children and wards only twice in the year—at the times of the two eids—Eid al-Fitr and Eid el-Kabir; and for Christian parents, Christmas and Easter; or, indeed, vice versa, since it is the fact of the holiday not sacrament that is at issue here. Unless it is for the first child getting married or for those who are intimately involved by way of close family ties or ties of best friendship or the people of the bride or the groom, no one outside town should be invited—and any invitations sent to persons out of town should be for information only—not least because those in other towns will also be busy with arrangement for their own wedding ceremonies. Henceforth, marriages should be local affairs—for the people of the town and surrounding villages.
After starting at an experimental level, it should be extended so that at every local government or divisional level, mass weddings should be arranged at these stated times so that people have only two occasions to attend; and on these two occasions all the tens of marriages to which people will have been invited several times during the year will now be solemnised in a one-off ceremony.
The advantages of this type of wedding are so many and so obvious that perhaps they don’t need demonstration: a mass wedding encourages matrimony, which is the greatest institution in the world and which is now under a determined cultural existential attack that enjoys the support of the entire Western modernist tradition; it helps focus attention on the family unit, that circle of love, and the sacredness of its creation and necessity for its perpetuation; it helps make the cost of marrying bearable for the less fortunate members of this society; and it creates an avenue for the wealthy and for the state to encourage and contribute to raising the moral tone of society. But the objective of mass weddings is not just to cut the travel time of well wishers or even put a man and a woman into legal cohabitation; it is to create a family that becomes a building block for a strong society that is independent and productive.
Through economies of scale, mass weddings can go a long way in helping to mitigate the cost of wedding for the individual needy groom; and the state or local government can help subsidise the whole process by paying the dowry, contributing towards paying rent , the purchase of furniture or accepting to provide—or, better still, augment—start-up family capital.  This intervention should be in the nature of a contribution by society to someone in need of it but who will have, if necessary, shouldered it on his own, but with difficulty. For, if someone cannot pay the dowry or provide the bare basic necessities, it should be feared that he will not be able to support a spouse; and such a person should be helped to get, not a wife but, some work to do—and only marry when he can support a family.
It therefore makes little sense, for instance, to embark on a journey for a wedding, spend 30,000 Naira on the way and give the groom 50,000 Naira when you can stay at home and send him 100,000 Naira—saving yourself manifold dangers, your car wear and tear and making the groom richer at the time he needs to be. While our marriages are not exactly profit-motivated enterprises, and nothing done for love or friendship will ever be wasted or become in vain, we shouldn’t allow this society to become married to practices that are counterproductive.
But the mass wedding suggested here is different from the one pioneered by Governor Rabiu Musa Kwankwaso of Kano State for divorcees and widows and emulated by Governor Ibrahim Dankwambo of Gombe State, though it shares all its advantages; and in order to avoid the situations the governors are seeking to remedy, this society must learn to give woman the respect and dignity that God has given her and which she deserves.
However, as this ceremony-addicted, fun-loving society revels in marriage parties and wedding receptions, it cares nothing about the high and easy divorce rate, especially in Hausa society, which claims to follow the Islamic law of marriage. There is nothing Islamic and nothing legal about what is being done to women: the truth is that here women are vulnerable, defenceless and beautiful—and no one is doing anything about these except the last, which is the height of selfishness; but an even bitterer truth is that while Islam has given woman her greatest freedom, Muslims have put her under the worst form of bondage. That is why today the activity they do with the greatest zeal is the marriage ceremony.
This enthusiastic, comprehensive and elaborate nature of the involvement of women, especially our purdah-imprisoned hapless womanhood, in the biki maelstrom is only symptomatic of the closure and denial to them of all other avenues of more productive self-expression by this society. While the get-together and the gift-exchanges do strengthen the bonds of blood and friendship, our womenfolk should be more dignified and held in greater reverence than be restricted to trifles and such inconsequence. Surely, the man hours, and even more especially the woman hours wasted in the wedding process could be put to better cultural and economic use—for the upbringing of children, for instance or for the self-actualisation, the confidence and the independence that come with earning a living.
But even while seeking to ease the difficulties encountered in the effort to tie the knot of holy wedlock, the society must do all it can to protect the sacredness and sanctity of the marriage institution from pollution by the encroachment of the baseless claims of such moral and cultural distortions as the same-sex marriage being promoted by the worldwide, Zionist-inspired homosexual movement, the psychosis that is called single-parenthood and other unsavoury cultural fallouts of the gender nonsense that seeks to create needless, uncreative tension within the family unit. As it does all this, it must keep in mind that culture is dynamic and it is our duty to help change it to make life and living more convenient for everyone—so, everyone should pray for the success of new couples wherever he happens to be. But don’t forget to send the cash.