Absentee dads and their effect on kids

The little girl looked bewildered and during the course of the day inspite of  her father’s  attempt to be close to her,  she was not comfortable  and either ran away from him or pushed his hands away.Amina’s father is a business man and the nature of his  business requires travelling all over the country to […]

The little girl looked bewildered and during the course of the day inspite of  her father’s  attempt to be close to her,  she was not comfortable  and either ran away from him or pushed his hands away.
Amina’s father is a business man and the nature of his  business requires travelling all over the country to make supplies and he comes to visit Amina’s mother, one of his wives occasionally. Sometimes after several months and he mostly comes in late at night and leaves very early in the morning while his daughter is asleep. So his little daughter neither knew him nor was used to him.
A story was also told of a little boy who entered his mother’s room one day only to run out shouting: “Mother  come o, there is one big black man on the bed in your room!.” Only for him to be told the man was his father who has been away working.
Many a father become absentees for different reasons. There are men today whose nature of work cause them to come home late and leave very early, this could make them not see or have any form of interaction with their children for days, weeks, months and even years.
When parents divorce, some fathers neglect their roles to their children, they visit them infrequently or not at all making them absentee fathers.
There are fathers too who have multiple partners or wives and do not  strike a balance between all their families and only become visiting husbands and fathers to some thus becoming absentee fathers.
Absentee fathers may neither be due to death, divorce or work but simply because such men do not see it important to be there for their children. They make no effort to be close  nor bond with them.
They may give excuses like the children are noisy or the house is not clean enough and seek who to blame but themselves.
In all, fathers play crucial roles in the lives of their children’s especially in their growing up years. When they are absentees, it affects their children and their relationship with them. Some times they become like strangers to one another. No matter the job or situation of marriage between parents, it is important to create time to be close to their children and be part of their lives.
Communication between them is usually very poor and the children are also deprived of the roles fathers should play in their lives to make them happy , comfortable and develop into better individuals in the society.
Experts say the problem of absentee fathers is fast becoming a serious family or social problem. There is a consensus among the experts in child and family studies that the role of fathers in the family affect children’s development. Some research published show that children who live absent from their biological fathers, on average, are more likely to be poor, experience educational, health, emotional and psychological problems, be victims of child abuse, and engage in criminal behavior than their peers who live with their married, biological mother and father.
Some show that a teenage girl who grows up in a home where there is an absentee father is five times more likely to become a teen mother than if she grows up in a household with both biological parents.
They also found that when fathers are involved in their children’s education including attending school meetings, children were more likely to do well in school.
Speaking on the issue  Muktar  Hussein, a father of four said the role of a father is not just being a bread winner or providing and paying the family’s bills but also involvement in his children’s development. “They need to be there to support, and encourage them in their academics, attitude, confidence or self esteem, correct them when wrong ,and  bond with them.”  
 Dr Ross Parke, an expert on fathering said fathers help children to develop their sense of independence.
 She said fathers who were actively involved in their children’s play helped promote greater self-control in children and gave them more opportunities to learn emotional cues.
Dr. Beverly Block, a therapist said: “I have counseled many young women who, as adults, still wanted to have a father/daughter relationship with their absentee father and continued to try to reconnect with a man who had left little more than tire tracks on the paths of their lives.
“One woman actually wanted her father to walk her down the aisle, and she was afraid to ask him. She was afraid that he would say no, or even worse that he would say yes, and not show up. Like daughters of alcoholic and abusive fathers, they still cling to the possibility of a normal relationship, but continue to seek out the same type of man”.
According to Dr Michael Gurian who wrote The Wonder of Girls, fathers have to make an effort to bond with their children. Fathers who take the time to listen to their daughters find that they can communicate better with them.
“This open channel of communication between fathers and daughters will lead to greater benefits in later life. The young child will grow into an articulate person with strong opinions. Looking at the many examples of great women today, we know this to be true. Fathers are often adept in helping daughters with problem-solving skills and risk-taking,” he said.
Fathers who make a difference in the lives of their daughters can change their world. Women who have positive relationships with their fathers because of positive fathers and daughters relationships tend to be high achievers and are able to choose life partners who will respect and value them for who they are.
Where there is an absentee fathers children are advised to try to make the most of their lives and not  ruin them. Rather than habouring resentment for their fathers, they should make efforts to support their mothers. There are people who have become successful in life without father figures especially fathers that have been lost to death.
Expert at improving your worlds also advise: “Do not let history repeat itself. One of the worst parts of having someone be an absentee father is the way it later affects the family of their children.
“Women who grow up with abusive fathers, tend to marry abusive husbands. Men who grow up watching abuse or being abused, tend to become abusers themselves. So it is true of absenteeism. So, do not allow your father to influence your life this way. When you marry, be committed, and choose your spouse carefully.”
Fathers should make  efforts to plan their work schedule , and in case of divorce arrange with their former partners in ways that they will be always there for their children than being absentees.