Affair: How guilty are men?

Any married woman’s nightmare is for her husband to have  a girlfriend or if  you like , have an affair. And to make matters worse, mothers and aunties drum into young brides that if they don’t take  care of their husbands  well, the husbands would look for another woman. Or some clever young women would […]

Any married woman’s nightmare is for her husband to have  a girlfriend or if  you like , have an affair. And to make matters worse, mothers and aunties drum into young brides that if they don’t take  care of their husbands  well, the husbands would look for another woman. Or some clever young women would snatch them.
Therefore, it is given that a young girl gets into marriage with the trepidation of losing her husband to another woman that he may or may not even marry, but who nonetheless would divert his attention. 
As such, if a man has a job that keeps him in the office long into the night the wife would automatically suspect that he has gone to see another woman. And she would never believe otherwise.
So a recent case that led to divorce between a newly married couple  brought all this into my mind.  The husband worked as an aide to a very highly placed man, and made a habit of going home late. The wife kept accusing him of visiting prostitutes, insisting that all workers close at 5:00 p.m.
One late night, she accused him again and when he said she was accusing him of adultery, she said yes and abused him. She said if she knew he was like that she wouldn’t have married him.
His job definitely made him to stay late and,  many aides to politicians usually work or stay with them far into the night. Though he may or may not be guilty of what the wife accused him of, but this shows how some jobs contribute to marital problems.
Still some also have to work on weekends, where some wives would suspect that the husbands are meeting other women.
In another case I witnessed, the wife’s mother sided with her daughter and said the husband was wayward, even though he explained that it was the nature of his job to work late. 
This is not to say that late in life I am suddenly getting ‘hoodwinked’ by men’s tricks, however, some have genuine reasons to be away from home.  
It is a well- known fact that some men keep so-called guest houses where they take women and some also travel with girlfriends, so the suspicion is not entirely baseless. However it is left to the husbands to show their wives who they really are, if indeed they are not the deceptive types.
Men should explain to their wives the nature of their jobs, although some wives can still be influenced by friends, who would wonder why their husbands are not always at home when ‘all men should be at home’ and so on.
This is a dicey topic where unverified allegation leads to unhappy homes to the extent of divorce. But the men still have to do a lot of work to allay the fears of their wives.
They should also know that because a lot of men chase women, it is assumed in many women circles that all men do so.
In fact if a woman vouches for her husband’s fidelity, she would be mocked that she doesn’t know how men are, that her husband is so deceptive that she believes his lies. And that one day he would shock her.
So men should appreciate their wives and praise them if they do something endearing to them, like cooking a food they find delicious. Or their dressing.
But as far as they ignore the wives and even put away their food, the suspicion would rear its ugly head that, the wife would think, ‘maybe he is seeing somebody.’
And then anything he does would be tied to the supposed girlfriend who is now luring him away.
Mothers that might have gone through similar agony, but with the benefit of hindsight know better should not incite their daughters to be against their husbands, instead of explaining things to them.
Strangely some mothers that suffered all kinds of maltreatment from their husbands and endured meddle in their daughters’ marriages and   encourage them to defy their husbands.
One such mother wanted to control her son-in-law, what she couldn’t do to her own husband. She even wants to dictate when he comes home at night.  It seems they want their daughters to live the life they couldn’t and in the process risking their daughters’ marriages. This is because not many men can tolerate such interference.
Well, in any event ,it is difficult to douse the suspicion women have against men, that they are all given to unfaithfulness, but it is also for the women to tread carefully, because the men may not be as guilty as charged!