Africa, the global dumpster must invent

So Africa is out of the World Cup and we are embittered. Some say rough tackles were not penalised and that referees were blatantly racist. Most football buffs are angry that African teams did not benefit from the VAR or Video Assisted Refereeing, the technological arbitration device now featured in football adjudication. The typical African […]

So Africa is out of the World Cup and we are embittered. Some say rough tackles were not penalised and that referees were blatantly racist. Most football buffs are angry that African teams did not benefit from the VAR or Video Assisted Refereeing, the technological arbitration device now featured in football adjudication.

The typical African loser’s attitude is to lose interest in the rest of the mundiale. Advance warning – my football analyses are based on information garnered from global news bulletins and those protests and memes forwarded to contacts on social media. Football lovers assume that all humans love their game and I don’t blame them. The founding fathers of FIFA intended for most parts of the globe to participate by organizing global elimination contests to reach the World Cup. A few African nations had won the mundiale when all it required was raw tackles and dexterity on the pitch.

African nations belong to so many global bodies that demand billions of annual dues without a deep understanding of the concept. Some African nations would rather meet those global obligations even when they could hardly pay staff salaries, build hospitals, roads or make education and social services available for their citizenry. It’s oxymoronic that a continent basically in darkness wants to be availed a VAR judgement. The only reason we’ve enjoyed football, apart from incorporating bribery and corruption into its administration is because someone invented television. The tube has seen so much improvement over the years that we now have access on the go on any device. Now the big question is, of all the inventions dumped on us, which of them have we improved on?

In most parts of Africa the old transistor is the reason some of those complaining of unfair treatment were able to follow the mundiale. The rest watch the game live on power produced from polluting generating sets.

The past couple of days have been hot as hell in the Canadian capital and idiots like me are complaining. Of course this silly nation asks those who could not afford air-conditioning to go to the malls. The media devotes time to giving information on how to beat heat exhaustion while emergency workers are on stand-by to help. It takes a while before one realises the need for weather forecasts. If you’ve lived with incompetence and insouciance for so long, you don’t know better.  

So while hiding from the heat wave, you spend more time on social media. Time spent there helps you realize that while the world is progressing, Africa is a dumpster continent. Someone needs to tell Yoweri Museveni, the dinosaur in Kampala and his friend Magufuli taxing social media it did not invent that social media is not the local gossip centre, it is a school for idiots to cure their idiocy. 

The Arabs claimed to have given algebra, maths and so many other things to the modern world. We know for sure they built the Burj Khalifa and in spite of religious extremism, they have transformed some of their countries into attractive tourist haven for the rest of us that Trump and his allies want to keep out of America and Europe. The Arab nations are not sleeping, they are inventing. Very soon, they’ll have flying taxis, as they are currently test-flying police cruisers. No thanks to their draconian laws, crime rates in those places are even lower than it is in America. If Dubai had Boko Haram; not many would be heading there on holidays. If citizens are harassed and killed like the Eyadema clan does to the Togolese, it’ll be hard to sell tourism tickets. 

A CNN reporter has recently driven to a secret location to test the Flyer, another invention to beat road traffic. Sweden is flying planes with no carbon footprint and developed nations have set targets to phase out gas or petrol-powered cars in spite of Trump’s decision to take America back to the coal era.

Tesla and other companies now have time to perfect work on electric cars while Africa braces up to receive the rejects of these nations. DARPA, a group associated to the US defence department have literally reinvented the wheel allowing their Humvees adapt wheels to the terrain. Africa has signed the Montreal and Kyoto protocols before it has understood what it meant. 

In the real world while African football bosses are busy collecting shopping money and referees are fixing matches, the other world created the enabling environment and football as a game has developed beyond the raw material and talent propelling our players globally. Talent without technological invention counts for nothing.

Back to the mundiale, Africa did not just tuck its tails under its legs and leave Russia; our supporters stayed behind and volunteered to help clean the stadium after the matches. This was a volunteering gesture pioneered by the Asians. We Africans have taken over. For once, roles are reversed! If Africa must play in the big leagues, it must invent or continue to be the part of dumpster of the globe.