Aged, lonely and waiting to die
Where is your father now? Exactly where is the bearer of the womb that bore you? If either or both of them are alive, then, this essay is for you. Even at death, the child’s obligations to care for his parents by supplicating to the Almighty to grant them forgiveness lasts till eternity. But before […]
Where is your father now? Exactly where is the bearer of the womb that bore you? If either or both of them are alive, then, this essay is for you. Even at death, the child’s obligations to care for his parents by supplicating to the Almighty to grant them forgiveness lasts till eternity.
But before we ponder that, let us reflect on this. One of the most subtle and solemn lessons life has taught me relates to its ephemerality; its constant flux and impermanence. I once recalled how a homestead in my village that was once full of children – over 30 boys and girls- gradually became lonely and deserted. Today, both the courtyard and the corridors no longer bear testimonies to the souls that once trod on them. The authoritative voice of the patriarch had long gone silent; interred in the grave with his deeds, the noble and the ignoble.
I wonder what would happen to my father who died in the year 1979 as the leader of the pilgrims of that town to the House of the Almighty Makkah; I wonder what his reaction would be if he were to resurrect today. I wonder how strange the world would be in his contemplation. I wonder how those who died before him would feel if they were permitted to have a taste of earthly life one more time. Strange. Angst. Stranger it feels, indeed, for those of us who are still on terrestrial earth today as we witness how life continues to lose its real meaning.
Today, that which used to be abnormal has become normal, sense has become nonsense, children now suffer diseases hitherto unknown to us when we were young. Visit the clinic in your neighbourhood and you would be taken aback by the number of teenagers who are battling hypertension; children who are suffering from diabetes. Ours is a world where hitherto familiar scenes have become unfamiliar and vice-versa: infants now look the world straight in the face at birth; they grow grey hairs before they reach the age of 10!
I was pondering all of these when a brother forwarded the story below to me; the heart-wrenching story of an elderly man who offered to pay a newspaper vendor for the latter to constantly knock on his door every morning. It reads: “One of the houses I delivered newspapers had its mailbox blocked, so I knocked on the door. Mr Banerjee, an elderly man with unsteady steps, slowly opened the door. I asked, “Sir, why is the mailbox entrance blocked?” He replied: “I intentionally blocked it.” He smiled and continued: “I want you to deliver the newspaper to me every day… please knock the door or ring the bell and hand it to me in person.”
I was puzzled and replied: “Sure, but that would be inconvenient for both of us and a waste of time.” He said: “It’s alright… I’ll give you an extra Rs.500 each month as a knocking fee.” With a pleading expression, he added: “If there ever comes a day when you knock on the door and I don’t answer, please call the police!” I was shocked and asked: “Why?” He replied: “My wife passed away; my son is abroad, and I live here all alone. Who knows when my time will come?” I saw the old man’s misty, moist eyes at that moment.
He further said: “I do not read the newspapers… I subscribe to it to hear the sound of knocking or doorbell ringing; to see a familiar face and exchange few words and pleasantries!” He clasped his hands and said: “Young man, please do me a favour! Here’s my son’s overseas phone number. If one day you knock on the door and I don’t answer, please call my son to inform him…”
Brethren, where are your father and mother at this moment? Are they in situations like that of Mr Barnejee – lonely and lonesome?! Or have you taken them to old people’s homes to be cared for by government agencies since your daily schedules cannot accommodate their constant need for care and attention?
One of the cardinal duties and injunctions of our Creator in the Quran is indeed the necessity for children to cater to and care for their parents: “For your Lord has decreed that you worship none but Him. And honour your parents. If one or both of them reach old age in your care, never say to them ˹even˺ ‘ugh,’ nor yell at them. Rather, address them respectfully” (Quran 17: 23).
Indeed, care for the aged in Islam goes beyond the provision of material comforts for them though this is of no less importance. Perhaps the most fundamental duty the child owes his/her parents is that of showering them with affection, love, kindness and companionship. Of what value is the big mansion that you have built for your father when he is going to be the only one who would be its occupier? Of what value is the huge money that you send to your parents every month at a time your aged father has achieved renown for constantly pestering children in the neighbourhood to run errands for him?
As I ponder these facts this morning, I remembered the saying that “what goes around, comes around”. My brother, the way you treat your parents today, your children shall recompense you manifold in future!