Akpabio’s uncommon favours

We no go gree, jumbo pension, We no go gree! We no go gree o, We no go gree, Jumbo pension we no go gree!– Please remember me in your kingdom.– Which kingdom? We no go gree o We no go gree…– Just keep me in safe distance, because I don’t want to ‘wound’.– Wetin […]

We no go gree, jumbo pension,
We no go gree!
We no go gree o,
We no go gree,
Jumbo pension we no go gree!
– Please remember me in your kingdom.
– Which kingdom? We no go gree o
We no go gree…
– Just keep me in safe distance, because I don’t want to ‘wound’.
– Wetin go wound you?
– You’re pretending not to know that organising protests are the easiest way to earn your daily bread and even make it big in Naija. Don’t get me wrong, some do it out of conviction, but their conviction creates an avenue for others to make money.
– We no go gree o,
We no go gree…
– Frankly, I’ve no clue what your protest is about, but can you please stay away from me? I don’t want to end up in the neighbourhood clinic when chairs, tables and who knows what else you can attract?
– Can you imagine what the Akwa Ibom State governor has set aside as his pay-off package?
– What’s your problem, are you from Akwa Ibom?
– Must I be from there to protest injustice?
– Okay o. What is the pay-off package?
– His current full salary as pension for life…
– Yes.
– A N100 million medical insurance for himself and his wife.
– Reward for uncommon transformation of Akwa Ibom.
– You mean uncommon translooting.
– Seriously, this is a performing governor who bought a state of the art plane to transport his people, imported custom-made bullet proof cars for them, built roads, bridges, markets and hospitals. He doesn’t need health insurance; the hospitals he built would be running till the UN provides health for all. Don’t believe the papers.
– Don’t tell me you benefitted from the N5 million solidarity cheques too.
– Don’t tell me you bought the Wendell Simlin photo trick o. But this is not uncommon.
– What do you it’s not uncommon, it’s also unprecedented?
– Where you were when Bukola Saraki got his once ‘once a governor, a governor for life’ sign-off package?
– That’s true but…
– Or were you in America when Bukar Ibrahim got his own.
– So, it’s a pattern?
– Did you fly to the moon when Ali Modu Sheriff got his own package?
– But does that make it right?
– To quote the late Idi Amin, what is good for the Jews is also good for Uganda.
– We cannot continue like this?
– Says who?
– For your information, his people are satisfied with it.
– No they’re not.
– For your information, his people have rewarded his uncommon transformation with a sinnate ticket.
– He is stealing it.
– That’s either libel or sacrilege or both.
– You mean the guy would go to the sinnate, collect fat salary for doing nothing; chair an indolent committee; ask ministerial nominees to take a bow; initiate no relevant law but at the end of it still get a mouth-watering federal pension, it’s a win-win and you’re here chanting school slogan?
– Its executive looting.
– Are you saying he didn’t send a bill to the state assembly?
– They passed it within a day.
– What does it matter, it was well packaged, after all Rotimi Amaechi got a state budget passed in less time and he too is a hero of democracy.
– Rubber-stamp legislature.
– You have complaints; they have influence, that’s the difference.
– This kind of impunity is why people kill to get into office. Can’t the president do something about this?
– People think the president is the cure all pill but he has jurisdiction even as the most powerful president on earth. But if you ask him, he is likely to say ‘common executive payoff people call it stealing’.
– We no go gree o,
-We no go gree…
– Go and rent a crowd, pay artists to make beautiful placards and march on Uyo in support and your life will never remain the same.
– Tufiakwa.
– What is that?
– I will never sell my conscience for a mesh of porridge.
– Those who did so have no regrets. Let me tell you, if you don’t stop this thing people might think you’re insane or that you have joined the opposition. Remember, opportunity comes but once, do what I advised you and you would return home a proud father to your children, your wife can join the big girls club and your chief might bestow on you a title. In Naija, everything has its price and conscience is an irritant just like the mosquito, kill it once and for all and you can carry on without scruples. Does conscience buy gari in Wuse market?
–    Where is patriotism?
–    Oh, that? It’s in some people’s bank accounts.