An alternative marriage plan

Maikahon Karo was incensed that I was about to blow a chance to change the face of the primary election once and for all. He said, “Alhaji, you are doing this politics as if you are still there in your office at the civil service. This one is different o! There you just send a […]

Maikahon Karo was incensed that I was about to blow a chance to change the face of the primary election once and for all. He said, “Alhaji, you are doing this politics as if you are still there in your office at the civil service. This one is different o! There you just send a memo, then you go and rest. If it is approved fine; if it is not approved it’s all the same to you. In politics it is different. Here we stand up to get results. We don’t leave things floating like that.”
Yar’guguwa followed up from there. She said, “Alhaji, what is it that you are afraid of? Is it your wives? If it is that one, you should not mind because I can handle them for you. I will tell them that they should not worry, that this new wife is just coming because of politics and that after the election you will throw her out. I will convince them about that. You should also tell them the same thing. What other problem do you have again?”
I had to be frank with them. I said, “You see, it is not that I do not want to marry the Governor’s sister if it will help our campaign. It is the girl’s age that is the problem. At this age I cannot start fumbling with gadgets and doing foolish things like pinging and tweeting if that is the only way to get her attention. Is it not because the world has changed and the women of nowadays do not listen to their elders? If it was in the past, must a girl even know the person that she is going to marry? The parents will just cover her head and bundle her off to her husband’s house. She will just open her eyes and see her husband. But these days you say a person must go and chase the girl himself using Facebook and Twitter. I can’t do that kind of thing. Even text message, it is recently that I learnt how to use it. I saw my son who is in Primary Two sending text message, so I asked him to show me how it is done.”
My visiting friend Alhaji Mahe now intervened to seek a way out for me. He said, “In the civil service when a course of action becomes problematic, we consider what we call strategic options to achieve the same results. I am not a politician but I am just thinking, since the whole purpose is to neutralise the Governor’s preference for another aspirant, if Alhaji cannot marry the sister, why not arrange for his younger brother to marry her? That will achieve the same result. The Governor and Alhaji will become like in-laws.”
No wonder Alhaji Mahe is doing well in his consultancy business. Even when he was the Director of Planning, Research and Statistics in the ministry, he had the ability to see different approaches to a problem. Our perm sec liked him for that. Everyone agreed that what he said is a good alternative and we began to discuss its implementation. I again thought there was a problem. I said, “I have only one younger brother, Bilal. Although he is a modern guy who can easily cope with pinging and tweeting, he is also headstrong. He does not believe in arranged marriage. Several times my wives suggested girls for him to marry and he always walked away, saying he will find a Miss Right for himself.”
“Which kain Miss Right?” Tsinin Kusa said. “Just let me get him. He must do this one in order to help his brother’s political ambition. Just like Yar’guguwa said, after the election if he feels he does not want the girl, he can send her packing. But for now he must help us with this problem.” Right away Maikahon Karo and Tsinin Kusa went looking for Bilal. They found him sitting in one corner of the garden, fiddling with an ipad. They had to shout before he heard them because his ears were blocked by a music earpiece. They carefully laid out to him the plan, and he said, “I saw that girl on Instagram not long ago. She is also on Skype. But she is not cool; she hangs out with Jam’iyar Matan Arewa types.”
Maikaho flared up at the young man. “Whether she is cool or hot, you must marry her! I am telling you that this is the best way to help your brother, and you are telling me that the girl is not cool! Is she a fridge? Just tell me how you are going to do it because there is no time to waste!” Bilal is afraid of Maikahon Karo; he knows that he controls tough thugs in the town. So he said, “I will ping her right now. I know where they hang out near the girls’ hostel. I will go there tonight and invite her and her friends to go to Pizza Hut. They like pizza and yogurberry ice cream.” “Very good!” Maikaho said. “Now you are talking. Listen, do this very well, you hear? After a short time, tell her that you want to marry her. I will tell Alhaji to prepare a house for you and to give you money to go to Dubai to shop for her.”
“Not Dubai,” Bilal said promptly. “Dubai is a kwaf place now. I prefer Switzerland.” “Okay,” Maikaho said. “You will go to Switzerland to shop. Even beyond Switzerland if you want. Just make sure you get her to agree to marry you, you hear? And do it quickly. We want her to be in your house well before the primaries.”