AND AGAIN, OVER TO YOU (13)

But every single comment is appreciated, although not all can be replied individually as many would want, and do request. However, it would be most appropriate to repeat here that the comments any writer would generally most welcome are those that add value to the issue under discussion, and/or open a new vista hitherto unseen […]

But every single comment is appreciated, although not all can be replied individually as many would want, and do request. However, it would be most appropriate to repeat here that the comments any writer would generally most welcome are those that add value to the issue under discussion, and/or open a new vista hitherto unseen by the writer. That type of comment is always welcome.
Such as the comment of NASIRU SUWAID on the Sallah Murders:
“I was really shocked, yet disappointed, the way you tried to ignore certain facts against the alleged offender, regarding the fact that his action was a clear failure of your societal reorientation programme. While the [Kano] act has similarity with those of the Menendez Brothers and infamous Lizzie Borden, the [latter] two were never fortunate to have the A Daidaita Sahu project. But people like me will never be surprised, because as the late Mallam Aminu Kano used to say: ‘Kanawa akwai akida, amma duk barazana ce.’”
Or the comment by good commentator and writer in his own right, ABBATI DANKANTI GUMEL, still on the Sallah Murders:
“Thanks a lot for the highlight in shaping the historical perspective of parental murders in the world which visibly indicates the present one committed in Kano city was the most outstanding one throughout the world. Subhanallahi! You blamed the failure of the family institution, drug dealing and trafficking, among others. You suggested provision of social security as well as capital punishment or death sentence for drugs traffickers to serve as a deterrent to others. At the same time, you appealed to those NGOs who champion human rights to stay away from the trials to avoid the possibility of setting the accused person(s) free. Agreed!
“But one other area we, as parents, should consider controlling is the amount of foreign satellite TV programming our children consume. Children silently imbibe and try to mimic what they see thereon. Some children, for example, may consider mimicking how to throw knives and other dangerous weapons at other people in order to see how best they can do it. The Late Imam Ayatullah Khomeini categorically banned satellite dishes throughout Iran, because it is easier to learn bad habits than good ones. May Allah forgive the souls of that family and grant them Jannatul Firdaus.”
ZAINAB SADIQ, also commenting on the Sallah Murders, says:
“I wish to God you did not believe the so-called confession of the alleged Sallah Murderer. I truly believe he may have been framed. As far as I am concerned he is innocent until proven guilty. You sounded like you have decided, and this could easily lead people to conclusions like yours, of blaming the boy squarely. The police statement just does not add up in my opinion.”
And then there was this disturbing email I received from a young person back in January this year, a few weeks after the Umar Farouk AbdulMutallab episode. I had been meaning to share it with readers, but have been looking for the opportune time to do that. Then came these Sallah Murders and I thought: this time is apt. It is, in my opinion, a wakeup call for all of us parents. The writer has asked for anonymity, which I grant. I will not comment, and will allow readers to draw their own conclusions:
“In seeking answers to the Mutallab saga, I stumbled upon www.nairaland.com/nigeria/topic-373179.0.html which detailed Umar’s online posts for several years. I cried as I read through. No one understands him and no one is making an effort to. Most Nigerian reporters have written a lot of negative things about him either deliberately or out of ignorance, and I know I can count on you to give another opinion. I know a lot of parents read your column and I hope you can open their eyes to things about their children, which the kids cannot discuss but which affect them psychologically and emotionally.
“As I read the Mutallab story, I didn’t cry only because of the pity I have for the boy, but also because I know it is the story of my life. Most parents, fathers especially, think that the only problem a child could have is money; not realising that there’s a lot more to life than that. I’m a living witness. My father can provide for me whatever I desire as long as it involves money. He doesn’t even want to know what I’m going through emotionally. If I get up in the morning and tell him that I need a new car, I’ll get one by afternoon. If I tell him I need money, I don’t need to explain why. I’ll get it pronto! But it’s never enough.
“I sleep all day long and nobody cares why or how. Only God knows how many drugs I take to enable me sleep. There was a time I took 5 valium tabs, a bottle of phenergan, and about 6 tabs of yet another. I cry myself to sleep everyday for the past 2 years. Nobody cares what I’m going through. I don’t keep any money with me anymore because I don’t want to be a junky. There are too many things going through my head and I can’t open up to anybody. I have a routine that keeps me away from everyone and anything. I sleep at 8 or 9am, when everyone is waking up. I wake up at 2pm, pray Zuhr and go back to sleep until 4.30pm or 5pm for Asr. And I stay up until Isha. Immediately after which I go back to sleep to wake up at 12 midnight when the house is quiet.
“I’m depressed and nobody even notices. I have a brother who is showing similar characters. I know something is bothering him because I’ve caught him crying in his room several times. No one has noticed. I want to help him but I can’t even help myself. That is exactly how Umar started. (For example, nairaland.com reports that in January 2005, Umar had written online: ‘I have no one to speak to. No one to consult, no one to support me, and I feel depressed and lonely. I do not know what to do. And then I think this loneliness leads me to other problems.’)
“I’m not alone in this. There are a lot of people like me, children of people we call rich and influential, having similar problems. If you look critically, most junkies are their kids. How they got into it, when they got into it, the parents will never be able to explain. There’s a friend of mine who told me that his father doesn’t even know the car he drives. The same father who paid for the car! He made a call, and the car was delivered.
“I know my options are limited, but I haven’t ruled out the option of leaving home. I’m in a lot of pain and I’m prepared to leave everything behind and start afresh. Start afresh somewhere far away where no one will be able to locate me. The only thing holding me down is my brothers. They depend on me. Since I got into my problem, they stopped going to Islamiyyah school. Guess what! My father doesn’t even care. Their school assessments are not collected and nobody knows whether or not they go to school anymore. He pays the fees and forgets everything else. I want to help but I’m too depressed to do anything. But sometimes I feel I should save myself and come back for them later.
“I’m not alone in this. There are so many like me and parents do not understand and most don’t want to. The few who do are in denial. Sometimes I think it’s in our culture not to care what your kids feel. It’s like some parents think their only job is to give commands, and money. Whether or not we want to believe it, I think our society is decaying for a reason!”