And they lived happily ever after

Vanessa Okoye (not real name) had been dating her boyfriend for two years and they were so much in love that friends envied their relationship. They didn’t see any reason why they won’t get married to each other. After much anticipation from friends and Vanessa, the much-awaited proposal came. It was a fairytale experience for […]

Vanessa Okoye (not real name) had been dating her boyfriend for two years and they were so much in love that friends envied their relationship. They didn’t see any reason why they won’t get married to each other. After much anticipation from friends and Vanessa, the much-awaited proposal came. It was a fairytale experience for Vanessa, as her boyfriend mounted cameras everywhere to capture every moment. There was also music and, of course, a diamond ring.
Vanessa, swept away by her boyfriend, quickly accepted his proposal and looked forward to her happy ever after. Years in, things changed as the challenges of marriage dawned on her. The all-loving boyfriend became uptight and less romantic, children came along and there were fights and disagreements, making her wish she never got married.
Is marriage an automatic happily-ever-after, or a heavy dose of reality? A variety of readers shared their views: Festus Ufuoma, 55, is a business man. He said: “Gone are the days when marriage is taken seriously, as what you see these days is divorce galore. I tell my children, don’t emulate celebrity marriages and don’t allow what is been shown in movies deceive you, because there is more to marriage than they portray. Today you see people generating unnecessary problems in their marriage. I know of my brother’s child who said she was going to leave her marriage because her husband has changed. Without even asking further I realized she didn’t want to adjust to realities of her marriage. Marriage is a combination of both sweet and sour, and cannot be all rosy.”
Ilhaam Ahmed, a 32-year-old mother of two says people need to understand that marriage is not what it seems and can be better understood after you have gotten into it. “A lot of people think marriage should be perfect and full of all the things they have longed for, like intimacy, friendship, romance and companionship. Many people don’t understand that marriage is beyond that. I’m not saying marriage is rough all the way, but people need to be aware of the challenges.”
Uchechi Chukwuka, 24, hopes to have a happily-ever-after and the undergraduate says she’ll work towards it. “I hope to have a relationship free of arguments, fights but filled with love and compassion that would be envied by all. I believe my parents have such relationship because I have never seen them fighting or quarrelling, they are so happy together and I pray to have that some day.”
Mohammed Awwal, 28, a banker, says before he got married he had anticipated so many beautiful things but when he got married he was shocked. “Most of my friends got married early; it seemed at the time like I was the only one left. When I went out with my friends, all they talked about was the nicest things about their marriages and I remember one of them mocking me when I said I didn’t know what I would eat when I got home. This got me desperate and the urge for me to settle down became upper most on my mind. I eventually settled down and anticipated the enjoyment of marriage that my friends kept rubbing on my face. But little did I know that there was more to it, I became answerable to someone, kids came along and my financial responsibility heightened. In short marriage became the reality of the relationship and not the fairytale existence my friends portrayed.”
Joy Yusuf, in her early twenties, says everyone is entitled to their opinions, but believes in a happy ending. “It is possible: all that is needed is the couple’s dedication towards achieving it, If they have mutual understanding, respect, love and compassion for each other, then a happy ending won’t be far-fetched.”
Uche Okoro, a Marriage Counsellor, feels being married and staying married takes the grace of God. “We as humans have our shortcomings and tend to get irritated at slightest provocations. This is also applicable to two people who have come together under oath to spend the rest of their lives as husband and wife. Marriage, as I describe it personally, is a big book that can’t be understood even by the most experienced. It takes patience and the grace of God. I tell people who are about getting married to expect both the best and worst.”