…AND TO EAGLE SQUARE!
You have just done what you are required to do in the greatest event of today: voting for a National Assembly candidate of your ‘choice’. Most likely also, the ‘choice’ you have among the candidates and the political parties may only be a difference in names, not substance. Therefore, the ‘Ayes’ (remember ‘The Ayes Have […]
You have just done what you are required to do in the greatest event of today: voting for a National Assembly candidate of your ‘choice’. Most likely also, the ‘choice’ you have among the candidates and the political parties may only be a difference in names, not substance. Therefore, the ‘Ayes’ (remember ‘The Ayes Have It’?) are having it today. What manner of National Assembly we shall have depends largely on what you have just done today. Are we going to have more of the same of the last National Assembly? Or are we going to have a purposeful group of unselfish people to design our laws?
For those who have forgotten, the last National Assembly contained all sorts: tenurely-expired governors; actually-expired former professors; good-riddance-expired former generals. And then a bunch of runaway school teachers, and some odd-jobbers. Indeed all sorts. They just took us all for a ride. In their Prado Jeeps. As they roamed the country and the world. Roamed. On our account. And roamed their phones with free credit. From the service providers. That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: at a session to investigate some internal misdemeanour bordering on some pecuniary embarrassment, there was a National Fisticuffs Championships where the Majority voted with their fists and dealt (as in Nigeria’s “I will deal with you”) with the Minority by beating them into a democratic pulp. Interestingly, this Majority and that Minority mostly come from the Majority party in power, Sarkin Fawa. And they did it before a live audience of secondary school kids; young enough to be as the grandchildren of majority of the Ayes. And Aye, old enough to be their distinguished wives, Aye! Aye! Wink Wink! That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: “Now let us talk truly to ourselves seriously. We can’t continue to have a National Assembly that is consuming a disproportional part of our resources and then expect that we would be able to make progress. They pass budget that can’t be implemented, because it has to be beefed up to satisfy their whims and caprices. Even what the ministries did not ask for they put it. They insert it in the budget, they find the contractor, and the contractor would work for them. Is that Constituency Project? They then accuse some people of corruption?” That was former President Olusegun Obasanjo last year at an event in Minna, Niger State. Need anyone say more? That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: the Federal Ministry of Education kick-front for kick-back inflated budget imbroglio. Aye! A minister lost his job, but some of the culprits who have been indicted continued sitting pretty in our distinguished Amusement Coliseum. While others on other sides of the government are sometimes punished, those Ayes almost never get punished, because the law enforcement agencies and the anti-corruption bodies are so afraid of them, lest they cut down their budgets! That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: the Rural Electricity Scandal. Instead of conniving to cheat city folk, they Ayed their way into the weakest link of the chain, villagers. They cleaned the villagers of electricity so thoroughly that it will be a miracle if any rural area sees any light at the end of their poverty-blocked tunnel. And yes, some of them Ayes are back to the same villagers today asking them to return them to their Aye positions. That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: the monumental probe of the Power Sector Billions (of dollars, not Naira). And the Siemens scandal. Whereas the ‘standing thieves’ (‘barawon tsaye’ in Hausa), the ‘bribe givers’ in that white-man’s country, have since been disgraced and shamed and jailed, the ‘sitting thieves’ (‘barawon zaune’ in Hausa) the ‘bribe receivers’ here, continued sitting, Aye, ‘sitting’, in our hallowed chambers while our tortoise-cum-snail combined law-enforcement enforcers drag their feet over the matter. And what a wonderful country: a country where you are only ‘guilty’ if you don’t get bail. And Aye, if you get bail, you almost never return to jail. That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: the controversy of how much of our monies these Ayes appropriated for themselves. Despite the denials and the tantrums, it has been established by a former president, no less, that it is colossal and disproportionate. A recent statistics has shown that in the past year alone, the less than 500 members of these assemblies took more money, in capital and recurrent, than the entire budget of all 27 Federal Universities combined. That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: a certain scandal during which defenders and opposers of a certain former Talker fought each other so viciously that a House member, a medical doctor no less, attacked his own heart by over-exerting it, and the heart attacked back, fatally. But no life was lost in the latter duel in the Coliseum, as only an arm was broken; later found to only be dislocated. That was the National Assembly we had!
We remember: many of these Ayes were habitual absentees. Of the few days they allocated to themselves to work diligently for us in their hallowed chambers, many of them were absent one, two or even the three days in a row. And the media, rather than report on the attendance register (and the debate-contribution register as well), only kow-towed to get a bit of the cake. That is why, of the almost 500 members in both of what they call chambers (chamber of horrors to those young, impressionable grandchildren who witnessed the fisticuffs), you can count the Ayes that were present. That was the National Assembly we had!
For four long years, Nigerians have been waiting for an opportunity to sack some dishonourable people who have dragged in the mud our democracy. But to make things easy for us, reports have indicated that almost half are ‘automatically’ not returning: reason being that many have been denied tickets by their parties and/or by their governors who see them as threats. This is because, in a tenure of four years, an Aye becomes so immensely wealthy that he can challenge a sitting governor (he of the security vote) for that coveted chair. To wit, many members of the National Assembly are today challenging sitting governors in their states.
But of course there were quite a few decent ones, people with decorum, with conscience, well-spoken and not seat-warmers. But among this crop also, alas, many are not going back. That is the lot of this country. The best are not always lucky, as illustrated by this joke now making the rounds in cyberspace:
“Most ‘First Class’ students get ‘technical’ jobs, becoming Doctors and Engineers, etc. The ‘Second Class’ pass from school, pass their MBA, and become Administrators and control the ‘First Class’. The ‘Third Class’ barely pass, enter politics and become Ministers and Legislators and control both. Last, and least, ‘The Failures’ fail, join the underworld, and control all the above.” So, to Eagle Square!