Are husbands better with in-laws than wives?

Looking at the status and overbearing influence of some in-laws in marriages, many people are tempted to ask whether they   are the actual couples themselves. Most times, arguments about wives and in-laws become tensed in some homes. It is also common for wives to complain about the relations of their husbands and how they intrude […]

Looking at the status and overbearing influence of some in-laws in marriages, many people are tempted to ask whether they   are the actual couples themselves. Most times, arguments about wives and in-laws become tensed in some homes.
It is also common for wives to complain about the relations of their husbands and how they intrude in matters concerning their matrimonial homes. The husbands also have in-laws, but it’s rare for wives to have a face- off with their spouse’s in-laws.
This props up the question as to whether men tend to have a better way of relating,   communicating and understanding their in-laws than their wives do.  Husbands have to contend with their mother in-laws no matter how hot-headed or intolerant they may posture.
Experiences had shown that   some mother in-laws are just too demanding no matter how simple and obedient the wives or husbands might be.
Both holy books signify that showing respect and kindness to your wife’s family is showing respect and kindness to her. And this subsists even after her death and in the thinking of some men, it is done on compassionate grounds.
Mrs. Amina Ahmed Hakeem posits that “showing respect to your wives’ relations would not mean that the man is weak or anything of such. Men have a better understanding with their in-laws than women. As women, we naturally have that tendency to want our husbands to focus on our family and pay little attention or none to his relation.
“We forget that one day we would become mother in-laws too and also have daughter in-laws who would want to take the attention of our sons away from us. I believe in what goes around comes around. As a man, he married you into his family and not the other way round – you didn’t marry him into your family. Respect begets respect. No one should try to pressure son-in laws into adjusting to their own ways of life,”  she added.
Marriage from the beginning comes along with its problems, but with time both partners adjust to their new way of life. Expectedly, their relations and in-laws should toe the same line.
For Mr. Joel Musa,  it was a rough start when it came to issues relating to his in-laws. He says  “when I got married to my wife, it was rough because her relatives especially her mum wanted my home to be run based on her terms. I tried to take it lightly thinking that with time she would allow us to live our lives, but that day never came till I took it upon myself to let them know I was the man of my house and would want to run my house on my own terms. The first three years of the marriage,  I must confess that  my relationship with my in-laws was not too good because of lack of communication and frequent interferences from my in-laws. They had to be made to realize that I and my wife came from different backgrounds and had different orientations. And also,   I had my own rules and system in running my house.”
Parents are always protective of their children, but it should not be done extensively to a point where friction comes into a marriage. Mr. Charles Emeka, a lawyer is of the opinion that daughters are married off to their husbands and parents should trust that the man will take care of them and do every positive   in the interest of their daughter.
“Though my wife is their daughter,  they should allow me to run my home. I will continue to respect my in-laws,  but it will only take time for me to react if they continue to push their ways of life unto  me and my family. Sometimes I wonder and baffle when I see men who focus more on their in-laws   than on their immediate families or parents. I have seen situations where a man would ask his relatives not to come to his house, because his wife says she cannot accommodate them, but at the same time he can accommodate her relatives and even take responsibilities of the children of his wife’s sister.”
“How on earth can a woman you married turned you away from your relations and have you permanently focused on her people. That I would not take. I can assure you that I will give my respect and support them when necessary. After all,  they are the parents of my wife and I cannot do without them,  but not at the expense of my family.”
For Musa Ismail, an educationist, he is of the opinion that husbands have a better relationship with their in-laws than wives do with theirs.
“Husbands naturally have a better understanding with their in-laws than wives. I am speaking from experience because I can say that I have never had a problem with my father in-law, not even for once. But women would always be women no matter their age. My mother in-law sort of wanted to subtly introduce her way of living into my home. But I subtly had to curb it before it got too far. I made my wife realized that this was our home and that was her mother’s”.
He stressed, “I had my rules and would not be pressurized into bending them to suit anyone. As long as I am not contradicting what the Quran teaches me, I think I will prefer to stick with my own rules in my home. I respect and honor them as parents of my wife and by extension my parents too but that doesn’t mean they can decide what goes on in my home and what doesn’t”
Adam Mikel says his wife is a better person when it comes to relating with in-laws than he is. “I am not good at relating with my in-laws not because of anything but that is just the way I am. My wife is better at that, she even knows things about my relations even before I do. It is just my personality. But the kind of society in which we live doesn’t approve of anyone neglecting his relations  for  that of his  wife. Most times, when that happens it is believed that the wife’s relations must have used diabolical means to get the man to answer to their every demand. I believe it should be a 60:40 thing when it comes to showing concern. Sixty for your immediate relations and your family and in-laws should share the remaining 40 per cent”
Marriage counselor, Hajiya Maryam Abdullahi says “a man who’s mother has raised him with good values such as  respect will always treat his wife’s relations as he treats his own, with love, respect and honor. But these days we have situations where the wife’s relations believe the husband of their daughter must always respond and accept whatever they require of him. I would say relating to in-laws from both sides should always be balanced. Relationship with families should never be one sided as this can bring about a lot of problems in the marriage and even in the family in general.”
“Forgetting your family and showing concern, respect and kindness towards your wife’s family alone is a recipe for disaster for you and your wife. The husband’s in-laws on the other hand should understand that as a couple they have a way they intend to live their lives and the husband would not appreciate any interference or criticism from them. They best they can do is to advice and not try to force or impose they decision on their daughter’s husband,” she said.