Are we scratching our nose with the head of a cobra?

Both men have changed parties so often that their constituents often ask, “Which party are we following now?” But they vociferously defend whichever party they happen to identify with at any point in time. Their party of the moment is the ‘solution’ to all of Nigeria’s problem until they ‘port’ to another one and sing […]

Both men have changed parties so often that their constituents often ask, “Which party are we following now?” But they vociferously defend whichever party they happen to identify with at any point in time. Their party of the moment is the ‘solution’ to all of Nigeria’s problem until they ‘port’ to another one and sing the same song anew.
At the moment, in this run-up to the 2015 elections, they are rabid loyalists of the ruling party, PDP and the main opposition party, APC respectively. This chronicler yields the floor to them:
Alao: Psshioor! (spits) These opposition lawmakers are thugs. See how they scaled the fence of the National Assembly like armed robbers.
Alamu: It’s typical of you political vampires to blame the victim. Your rotten government can’t even plan a successful coup against the Speaker. You directed the police to lock the gate but you did not reckon with the resolve of the speaker and assemblymen to enter the premises.
Alao: How could decent people scale the gates?
Alamu: How could a decent government lock out legislators from their parliament?
Alao: The constitution is very clear about defection. The Speaker ought to have resigned the moment he left PDP to join APC. The constitution says a person is elected on the ticket of a party. Why is it so difficult for people to obey the provisions of the constitution they swore to uphold?
Alamu: You quote the constitution when it suits you. What about legislators who left other parties to join the PDP. Have you called on them to resign?
Alao: If you people think you can have your cake and eat it, you will only continue to embarrass yourselves. There is no quarrel; just tell Speaker Tambuwal to resign.
Alamu: The courts are there if you think you have a case. But your government does not believe in the courts. Just like in 1965 when legislators had to run for dear lives in the Western Region, your government has desecrated the parliament through the misuse of the police.
Alao: In saner climes, the legislators would have gone to court if they felt that their rights were being breached.
Alamu: In saner climes the government and their shadowy vassals in uniform would have gone to court if they thought they had a case against the Speaker.
Alao: The police were acting on a tip-off that some hoodlums were planning to invade the national assembly.
Alamu: Lie! That is how the police lose the respect and sympathy of the public. The same police force that did not get a tip-off that insurgents were going to sack their stations in Borno, Adamawa and Yobe? They only get tip-offs when they want to dehumanise members of the opposition.
Alao: The police have a job to do, whether you like it or not.
Alamu: So do the legislators.
Alao: And all this talk by the opposition that the government is encouraging impunity is rubbish. When I read some of the analyses in the newspapers, I simply shake my head.
Alamu: This is the lowest that Nigeria has sunken to since the return of democracy in 1999. When a government resorts to self-help against its own citizens, we are back to the Abacha days again.
Alao: Abacha ran a dictatorship. For your information, this is a democracy.
Alamu: Yes, dem-all-crazy. Demonstration of craze.
Alao: Whether you like it or not, a government has the duty to prevent the commission of a crime if it has information that some people are planning to breach the peace.
Alamu: Stop fooling yourself. The same police allowed PDP legislators to enter the National Assembly without fuss. They reserved the humiliation and tear gas for the APC legislators. Mark my words, when people realise that this is a lawless government that resorts to self-help, they, too, will make contingency arrangements.
Alao: Whatever arrangements you make, we are ready for you.
Alamu: You are ready for us! Are you ready for Boko Haram? You are never ready for the constitutional job of governing the country. A band of insane terrorists are slicing out part of Nigeria and all your government is doing is hunting the opposition.
Alao: Nobody is hunting the opposition. The members of APC are scared of their own shadows, or probably the shady past of their leaders.
Alamu: Was that why you sent security operatives to invade and vandalise APC computer offices in Lagos?
Alao: The security operatives were acting on information that APC was hacking into the computers of the Independent National Electoral Commission. They had staked out the house for some time before storming it. I am told that there is no signboard identifying the building as an APC office. You see, you people have to allow the security operatives to do their job.
Alamu: I’m surprised that your police don’t have information about hackers in PDP secretariat; only APC. You have turned the security agencies to the enforcement arm of the ruling party. I’m sorry for you. Who does not know that your party is the greatest rigging machine since Nigerian independence?
Alao: That is the price of leadership. Whatever we do, people will complain.
Alamu: Like in Ekiti where your party directed seven PDP members of the House of Assembly to impeach the Speaker against the nineteen APC members who are on the Speaker’s side. And the glorified thug of a governor has immediately recognised the impostor.  
Alao: Leave Ekiti’s problems for Ekiti people. Why did the Speaker run away to Lagos? He should have stayed back in Ekiti if he knows that he’s the Speaker.
Alamu: So that your government of stomach infrastructure can kill him?
Alao: What is he afraid of? True to type, APC is a party of cowards.
Alamu: Is there any coward greater than a party that is so scared of losing in 2015 that it has illegally suborned all security agencies to its service. You don’t mind destroying Nigeria as long as you remain in power.
Alao: It is APC that wants to destroy Nigeria and we won’t allow you to do that.
Alamu: I’ll tell you the meaning of what your government and PDP are doing.
Alao: What?
Alamu: You are scratching your nose with the head of a cobra!