Are you an overprotective parent?

According to”The Herald Bulletin” Online being classified as “overprotective” means a parent is on the extreme end of the spectrum and is likely causing some unintended consequences.Ladi, a twenty year old lady complains: “Why are my parents always afraid to let me drive a car unless they sit beside me on the wheel or hire […]

According to”The Herald Bulletin” Online being classified as “overprotective” means a parent is on the extreme end of the spectrum and is likely causing some unintended consequences.
Ladi, a twenty year old lady complains: “Why are my parents always afraid to let me drive a car unless they sit beside me on the wheel or hire somebody else to do so? Why do my parents insist on following me to school whenever I am returning to the  University campus and also always  coming around to stay and ‘take care of me’? Why do my parents make me a prisoner in the house whenever I am on holidays? Why do they always lock me up at home and never let me go out for fear of many things including meeting up with boys?”
Over protective parents can do a whole lot of things in their believe that they are protecting their children from adversity or doing the best for them. An over protective parent can go to his or her child’s school to compel teachers to pass or promote a child who has failed or bend other things they are not qualified for in their favour just to make the child happy .
Some parents even go to their children’s schools to fight the teachers or headmasters for reprimanding their children when they do wrong, they don’t want their children ‘shouted on’ or anything that will ‘make them cry or sad’.
They forget the long term effect of the ‘inappropriate happiness’ they give their children now. It is better for parents to allow their children to go through the pains of working hard, repeating a class or learn to do the subject he failed correctly in order to become better at it and better prepared for life rigours, and achieve excellence in their careers and future endeavours.
We have crop of individuals in work places today who cannot put in their best, every little effort they get bored or tired and abandon the work or expect someone else to do it. They also get devastated with any slight criticism because they have been brought up with the mentality of their parents or someone else always coming to assist or do it so that they don’t get hurt. In some extreme cases over protective parents even hover round their children’s work places and relationships.
Over protective mothers can also be guilty of not allowing their daughters to do household chores. They may not teach them how to cook for fear that they get stressed, or hurt and even when their daughters are doing a chore and complain of any little stress, such mothers tell them to stop and leave the work for their domestic servants, other relatives in the house or the mothers themselves take it up.
At the end, the daughters end up learning little or nothing at all and become ill prepared for their future homes. Stories abound of women who cannot even cook and always expect their husbands to do everything for them as a result of being overprotected from their parent’s home.
 Over protective parents are also quick to bribe and stop their children from being punished by the law. They can go to any length to blame others and stop their son who cheated, assaulted others or drove wrongly from being punished by the law. Such parents lay blame on school authorities for expelling or suspending their children too. They concentrate on laying blame on anybody involved with their children whenever anything goes wrong.
Suffice to say overprotective parents affect the personality development of their children.
Overprotective parents think that they are doing a favor for their children by keeping them safe without realizing that this parenting style has severe effects on children such as robbing them of the essential life skills that they need in order to have a healthy personality and to face life problems.
As a result of preventing the child from taking charge he starts to think
that he is not capable of facing life on his own and thus his self esteem deteriorates. An over protective parent sends an unconscious message to the child telling him that the world is not a safe place. The child then grows up into an adult who fears to take risks.
The child who has a low self esteem and who fears taking risks is likely to live his whole life in a safe corner. He would never attempt to do anything that he is not familiar with because that will make him unsafe.
That child might live his life in the comfort zone he was taught to live in even if his life was miserable and even if stepping out of this zone would make him happier.
If you want to raise confident children never be overprotective. Over protection done by parents can ruin a child’s self esteem and that can have a severe effect on his self image. Just let the child explore his world while keeping an eye on him so that you can help him when he is in need.
When children are allowed to work through problems to become strong to get better quickly after problems and self confident which they wouldn’t have if somebody is always assisting or rescuing them.
Children can also become stubborn and rebellious as a result of being raised by over protective parents. They refuse to take orders from anyone. This might make them turn into stubborn adults who have problems conforming to rules in school or work.
Parents should try as much as possible not to be overprotective and just as the book Positive Discipline for Teenagers says when parents are overprotective, “ Instead of learning that they can survive pain and disappointment, and even learn from it, such children grow up extremely self-centered, convinced that the world and their parents owe them something.”

Nwielua, a psychologist  writes from Abuja.