Arguing with your other half is all about submission

Submission from our other half is ideal resolution to conflict for many. Can vary from admitting faults to giving more respect and independence.New research found receiving an apology was a low valued outcome. It’s not very romantic, but it seems that the modern relationship is based on a power struggle as new research shows that […]

Submission from our other half is ideal resolution to conflict for many.
Can vary from admitting faults to giving more respect and independence.
New research found receiving an apology was a low valued outcome.

It’s not very romantic, but it seems that the modern relationship is based on a power struggle as new research shows that winning is more important to us than getting an apology when we argue with our other half.
Submission of our partner was the preferred resolution to conflict, even among long-term, committed couples.
The study by Baylor University and published in the Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology asked 455 married couples what their ideal resolution to a current conflict with their spouse would be.
Rather surprisingly, it was not a simple apology that most of the participants wanted most, but for their partner to ‘relinquish power’.
This ‘submission’ can be in many forms, from admitting they are wrong or their faults, to giving the other more independence, showing more respect and being willing to compromise.
It seems that an apology is relatively low down our list of preferred outcomes from an argument
Keith Sanford, associate professor of psychology and neuroscience at Baylor University says: ‘We definitely respond to whether we gain or lose status.
‘When we feel criticized, we are likely to have underlying concerns about a perceived threat to status, and when that happens, we usually want a partner simply to disengage and back off.’
After the submission of our partner, the next most desired outcomes of a conflict were found to be; for a partner to show investment, to stop adversarial behaviour, to communicate more and to give affection with making an apology ranked the least important.
The study builds on previous research into relationships which point to arguing and conflict as being an important way in which power and control are established and maintained in a relationship.
It questions the effectiveness of merely saying ‘sorry’ if you are fighting with your partner, and suggests that the real solution may come more from evaluating the balance of power in the relationship.
While this might sound like every couple is locked in a silent battle for supremacy, it in fact offers a window into how better to resolve issues in relationships.
‘The things couples want from each other during conflicts will depend on their underlying concerns, and to resolve conflicts, they may need to use different tactics to address different underlying concern,’ Sanford explains.
Culled from Mail Online