Arguments: Should women always be the ones to apologise?
An argument broke out last week at a small gathering when a man said over his dead body would he kneel and apologise to his wife or girlfriend over anything, not minding what the bone of contention is. “Why should I apologise to a woman, when God in his mercy has made the man above […]
An argument broke out last week at a small gathering when a man said over his dead body would he kneel and apologise to his wife or girlfriend over anything, not minding what the bone of contention is. “Why should I apologise to a woman, when God in his mercy has made the man above the woman and it should remain like that no matter what. She should be the one doing the apologising even if I am the one who is wrong. It demeans the authority I have as the man of the house. Apology is meant for the female, and not the male,” he submitted.
Analysing what he said, it is clear the man has a lot of issues going on in his life. Who still lives with this kind of thinking, that a man should always boss his way through a woman’s life even when he is at fault? This shocking discovery of a Neanderthal man in this day and age prompted some prodding around town.
Grace Udie-Anah, a lawyer, is of the opinion that men who feel superior enough to refuse to apologise are low on self-esteem: “Any man that thinks that apologising is solely for women, really is full of foolish pride and I tell you with that kind of attitude, he will surely not be able to run a home. A relationship is a 50-50 thing and so he should not expect his partner to always be on the defensive just because he wants to satisfy his selfish ego. He doesn’t have to kneel down literally to apologise to his wife. My husband once did it though he took me by surprise because he also has a strong ego, but he apologised to me and was sincere about it.”
Most marriages, for Adunola Oluwabukola, can be saved if only men inculcated the habit of saying sorry whenever they were wrong, to their partners: “Most crude Nigerian men won’t do it and that is why most marriages fail these days. A man who has this kind of thinking can only be a dictator in the home and no woman wants a dictator for a husband. Every woman wants a man that will be caring and understanding, not one that sends her running from the sitting room when she hears his car drive into the compound.”
Apologising can earn a man a lot of respect from his wife and even his peers, says Chinomso Alozie: “My husband does apologise whenever he knows he is at fault and I am angry with him and I respect him a lot for that. Because very few men would accept that they are wrong and even think about apologising. It more a sign of love and respect. It does not stop him from being a man. For me, I see it as strength rather than humility, in a man who apologises to his woman.”
Emma Ilenikhena, a computer engineer, sees nothing wrong in a man apologising to his partner: “If my woman can kneel down to tell me she is sorry, why I should I find it so difficult to apologise to her? I can equally do it if am wrong. Guys like to pretend and have a lot of ego in them and this most times makes it difficult to have a steady relationship.”
Most men are myopic in their thinking and allow an inferiority complex rule their lives, so thinks Francess Epse: “My hubby did it once while crying, begging me to stay. It was so touching I went down on my knees and begged him never to kneel down for me. I can’t bear to see the one I love in such a situation. It’s a sign of his strength not weakness and only a real man of honor can do that.” She asked: “For the men who feel they cannot apologise to their partners, I have one question for them; are they God? We are all equal in the sight of God and if he really loves the woman as he claims to have been able to choose her as his wife, then he should be able to say a simple ‘I am sorry’ when he wrongs her.”
Relationship expert, Dr. Pam Spurr, in an article ‘Why some men don’t apologise,’ says that men loathe apologies and would rather just explain what happened than admit any wrongdoing on their part. The root of these actions comes from his avoidance of feeling weak and ashamed, Spurr explains. Based on that, it would not be out of place to add that being a male and apologising to your partner does not make you in anyway a lesser being.
Some experts argue that some men don’t apologise because men are not usually sensitive to these kinds of feelings, unlike women who are, and so find it difficult to really come to terms of having to apologise if they are at fault. It is necessary for men to understand that apologising to their partners does not in any way reduce them in any way; instead it gives them dignity and earns them respect from their partners.