As a woman, would you ask a man out?

Back in the olden days, men went extra miles just to get the right response from a woman, some wrote love notes with fancy pens and applied nice fragrance on the notes, all in a bid to get a positive response. Others became handymen for the fathers of these ladies, just to show how strong […]

Back in the olden days, men went extra miles just to get the right response from a woman, some wrote love notes with fancy pens and applied nice fragrance on the notes, all in a bid to get a positive response. Others became handymen for the fathers of these ladies, just to show how strong they are and also to get the love and support of the father who they believed had a strong impact on their daughters.
These days, things have changed as some women now take the lead by asking the man out. Outside the shores of Africa women see it as no big deal to ask a man out and this spirit in now trending in Africa as the continent becomes more westernised. Life Extra spoke with a cross section of people on what they think of a lady making the first move to start a relationship. Their responses are as divergent as they are interesting.
Ifunanya Edward, an architect, says, “It is not a wrong thing to do, but in our African culture, it is wrong. A woman who asks a man out is seen to be loose or irresponsible because it is believed that a woman should have self-respect and wait for a man to ask her out.” He explained that: “I personally can’t do it, not because it is wrong but for the sake of our culture and how I would be seen if I indulge in it. I don’t even think of it, even if I see a man I admire.”
Joyce Israel, who is self-employed, opines that: “I don’t see the big deal in that; it all narrows down to how you approach him. You don’t have to talk to the guy through the conventional way men talk to ladies. I personally can become friends with the man, become very close to him; gradually I could invite him for occasions or events where we would have to go as dates. I would also show him my good traits just to seek his attention; from there we have started something without me losing my respect or dignity. But even with that, I have still made the move and enhanced the relationship.”
Meriam Mohammed, a student, says: “I cannot and would never ask a man out for any reason. A man should ask a woman out and not the other way round. I feel like it is down-grading to ask a man out, I have heard of ladies who do and sincerely I feel what they are doing is wrong. I personally won’t do it because I love my self-respect and I am not ready to lose it for any reason.”
Lade Mahmood, also a student, is of the view that: “I can’t ask a man out; women are more vulnerable and can easily be taken advantage of. When a man detects your vulnerability, he can take advantage of it by taking you for granted. If a man knows that your interest in him is more than he has for you, he turns around and uses it to his advantage and to your disadvantage.” Mahmood adds that: “I am not saying all men are bad or act this way, but I believe the moment you let your guard down by giving any one the chance to take you for granted, it usually becomes very hard, if not impossible to change it. A woman should respect for herself, in our African culture it is wrong for a woman to ask a man out, religiously, it is also wrong. Some girls do it but I believe they are just copying the Western world which is not meant to be. A girl’s dignity is her greatest pride and asset, every girl should uphold hers, and one way is to live the asking out for a relationship to a man as it ought to be.”
Seyi Oladipo, a consultant, states that: “As a man, if you as a woman works up to me and ask me out, it only means two things to me, you are desperate or irresponsible. I believe the asking out should be left to the man, a woman who does it, immediately loses her respect from me. We are Africans and shouldn’t forget who we are or where we come from, as such a woman should wait until a man asks her out, what she should do, is pray and hope that the right man comes, because she has the chance and will to choose who she wants for a man.”
Rex Emeka, who is self-employed, is of the view that: “I don’t see the big deal in it, a girl has asked me out before, though the relationship didn’t last. I really don’t mind if a girl asks me out or any other guy, I think it narrows down to what she has got to offer in the relationship that would make it work. It is those days that asking out on dates or relationship was left to the man, now some girls do it.”
Scott Croft, in his article titled, ‘Bible Dating: Men initiate, women respond,’ states that: “Among the different roles assigned to men and women in the Bible, men are assigned the role of leadership. This is true in the church and in the family. This is not a signal of male superiority or of the greater importance of men. It is simply God’s design and assignment of equally valuable roles among spiritually equal beings. Men initiate, women respond.” He explains further that a man should make the move first by approaching the woman or a close relative, like the father. The woman’s role in this is to accept or not.