AS FUEL SUBSIDY GOES…

I had always thought of myself as among the airplane creators, the optimists, but recent life in Nigeria makes one to think that one really belongs among the parachute makers, the pessimists. To boot, one also feels like one desperately needs that same parachute to bail out of this nation, were it in flight. Now […]

I had always thought of myself as among the airplane creators, the optimists, but recent life in Nigeria makes one to think that one really belongs among the parachute makers, the pessimists. To boot, one also feels like one desperately needs that same parachute to bail out of this nation, were it in flight.

Now they are telling us they are going to remove fuel subsidy. To be honest, I don’t know, and don’t believe, that this country subsidises me in any way or form. I take care of myself, I take care of my family, I take care of some of my relatives, I provide employment to others, and do a lot of good for this country without reward or expectation of any. And if fuel is still subsidised (knowing full well that it has been removed a million times in the past) that is good news.

Soon they will start dishing out those smelly statistics of how much fuel costs in Country ABC and Country XYZ, and why subsidy should be removed here. Soon they will start churning out that worn-out chant of using the removed subsidy to work on infrastructure, to provide this and that, and to fix these and those. Run helter-skelter Nigerians, I say run from this hogwash!

We have been there, done that. The long and short of it is: I will not believe them, and neither should you. Period. Full stop.

We have heard all what they are going to say, and we are sick and tired of hearing them over and over again, ad nauseam. Especially the line that the subsidy does not go to the targeted people, that some big shots intercept the subsidy for their personal use, that, that, and more of that.

Now, who are those big men (and women) who siphon this subsidy? They are not me, and they are not my Editor, and they are (mostly) not my reader, and they are not the kosai/akara seller around the corner, and they are not the taxi driver, and they are not the teacher in the local primary school. No, they are none of these. So who are these big men and women?

Those big men (and women) are those in the Presidential Villa; those big men (and women) are those in the National Assembly; those big men (and women) are those in the corrupt and corrupted Nigerian Judiciary; those big men (and women) are those in the palaces of Emirs, Obas, Obis and Chiefs; those big men (and women) are those who call the shots in the Federal Ministry of ABC and the Federal Ministry of XYZ. Aye, those big men (and women) are those who contract and are contracted and front and are fronted by and for those big men and (women) in those places earlier enumerated.

So, remove the ‘subsidy’ from the Presidential Villa and its big men and women, and you will have saved twenty five percent of what you will have saved by removing similar percentage on the so-called fuel subsidy.

Remove the ‘subsidy’ from the National Assembly and its big men and women, and you will have saved another twenty five percent of what you will have saved by removing similar percentage on the so-called fuel subsidy.

Remove the ‘subsidy’ from the Judiciary and its big men and women, and you will have saved another twenty five percent of what you will have saved by removing similar percentage on the so-called fuel subsidy.

Remove the ‘subsidy’ from the ‘cutting corner’ Ministries, Departments and Agencies, and block all rat holes in the system, and you will have saved the remaining twenty five percent of what you will have saved by removing similar percentage on the so-called fuel subsidy. One hundred percent saved! And don’t let anyone tell you the issues are not related. Because they are!

And then they will compare us with other countries. I warn them: if they know their propaganda well, don’t let them start that hara-kiri of a thing for, in the countries that they are going compare us with, most have security of life and property. In Nigeria most people provide their own security of life and property. Small as I am (though not in size but in stature) I employ a maigadi to man my gate manfully. I sleep with one eye open (though the wife may argue otherwise, even accusing me of snoring, which I vehemently deny), and generally am alert to happenings around me and mine. Therefore, let them take care of my security FIRST before they remove their subsidy. And don’t let anyone tell you the issues are not related. Because they are!

In the countries that they will compare us with, most have energy security. Was it not only the other day we ‘celebrated’ attaining 4,005 megawatts of electricity? Had the celebration not been dampened by the fact that the countries they may want to compare us with have hundred-fold multiples of megawatts? Does not Brazil have 108,000? Or does not Iran have 60,000? Or does not our running-mate (always running ahead of us) South Africa not have 40,000? Let them FIRST give me 20,000 megawatts ONLY before they remove their subsidy. And don’t let anyone tell you the issues are not related. Because they are!

In the countries that they will compare us with, most have social security. People who are unemployed, women who are widowed, children who are orphaned, people who are disabled, people who are retired, all get a little stipend to live on in those countries. Not only do they get a weekly or monthly survival allowance, they are also subsidised in public transportation, electricity and other utilities. Let them FIRST subsidise the elderly, the infirm, the unemployed, the widowed and the retired (who now die on N2,000-a-month queue)  before they remove their subsidy. And don’t let anyone tell you the issues are not related. Because they are!

In the countries that they will compare us with, most have already reliable infrastructure. The Abuja to Lokoja road, the Kano to Maiduguri road, the Lagos to Ibadan road and all other roads in this country continue to kill us every day. (As I wrote this piece, a senior brother called to tell me that he was in Azare, Bauchi State, to attend the funeral of another brother’s wife who had died the previous day in a road accident). Let them FIRST fix our roads at least before they remove their subsidy. And don’t let anyone tell you the issues are not related. Because they are!

Now, therefore, give us FIRST the economic kingdom and then the political kingdom shall follow (to upturn the popular saying). In other sentences, FIRST give us security of life and property before removal of subsidy; FIRST give us energy security before removal of subsidy; FIRST give us social security before removal of subsidy; FIRST give us reliable infrastructure before removal of subsidy; and then SECOND, remove your subsidy. Na-Annabi ya ce Amin (those who believe in Prophets Muhammad and Jesus, all say Amen!). Amen!