At 85, dad’s still physically active – Asma’u Joda

Weekly Trust: How would you describe your father away from the public eye?Asma’u Joda: He’s a friend, a very nice person, a tough person too. He’s firm where he needs to be firm, keeps us all on our toes. But then it’s easy to talk to him. He consults us; we talk about things to […]

Weekly Trust: How would you describe your father away from the public eye?
Asma’u Joda: He’s a friend, a very nice person, a tough person too. He’s firm where he needs to be firm, keeps us all on our toes. But then it’s easy to talk to him. He consults us; we talk about things to him. I argue a lot with him. If he says something I don’t like, I usually would talk. That’s really my relationship with him.
WT: Were there times he may have been caught off guard?
Joda: Yes, there was one time we succeeded. We caught him completely off guard. He turned 80, we planned a birthday party. I don’t remember how we got him to attend because that was the biggest problem with him travelling a lot. We told him something was going to happen, so he came and went in to change. We seized the opportunity and began decorating the living room. When he came out, the place was wearing a different look. He just looked at us and went quiet for some time. And then people sang happy birthday to him. I think afterwards someone talked to him and he said he knew only his daughters would be up to that. He couldn’t believe it. It was shocking to him and maybe even moving in that he celebrated his first birthday at the age of 80.
WT: Really?
Joda: Oh yes. Nobody had ever thought about it but our mother had religiously marked his birthdays but not like this. He was very stiff for some time, but he enjoyed it in the end. He likes parties even though he doesn’t look like he does. He likes to have music around him. He is a fun person. We know he’s strict, we also know he’s fun so we know we can enjoy with him. I remember my sister saying she’d rather go shopping with him when she’s going back to school. I found that out too late.  My mother was like every other woman, conscious of cost. She would take her regular one or two portions with my mum, but my dad would say “no, no, no, pack more.” He’s a much softer person.
WT: As a child, what things terrified you about him?
Joda: All he needed to do was shout ‘quiet!’ and everybody would be quiet. We knew when to tip-toe and we knew when we could have fun. He too, I think was basically quiet. If he says something and I try to argue, he would say this is how he wants it. End of discussion. If we did something wrong, he probably would stop talking to you. He’d be angry and would just stop talking to you. That was his reaction. Our reconciliation was to make sure he didn’t get angry. It’s not nice to keep tip-toeing around him. When he’s in Yola, we live in the same house. If I go to Kaduna, I’d usually stay with him. So it would be absolutely uncomfortable to be in that situation.
WT: What has aging changed about him?
Joda: I think aging makes him respond more angrily. Actually, as a younger person he wouldn’t even respond. So you knew he was angry and would see so.  
WT: Do you prefer him before or now?
Joda: (Laughter) I don’t know. I think he still gives the cold shoulder. He probably cools off faster now than before. I think that’s also because he interacts more. As a civil servant, he was gone all day. By the time he returns home, rests, has dinner, we’re going to bed. The little quality time… it would take longer for us to behave nice and for him to sort of cool off. He also had all the problems he had to deal with as a civil servant. I don’t think that was easy either. The one prayer he had was for us not to work in the civil service.
WT: What part of your childhood with him do you miss that adulthood has robbed you of?
Joda: Travelling with him. At a point he was shocked I had visited a country he hadn’t. Because at the slightest opportunity I’d travel and he made that possible from when I was young. We would travel together and see places. Those were very special moments with him. When people criticised my dressing as a young woman, I always told them my parents bought my cloths. When my mother died, I knew the quality of my cloths was going to go really down and it has. Even as a married woman, my mother would buy me cloths and precious jewelry and the rest of it. I doubt that I’ve bought any precious jewelry since she died. He’s a very liberal person. Most people would think coming from Yola, a fairly conservative area, I would have gotten married early. In our home we didn’t have the opportunity to think about getting married before graduation.
WT: How did losing her affect him?
Joda: I think he’s certainly a lonelier person. He did not anticipate he would outlive her. I don’t think he ever planned for a life without her. For a long time he avoided places they would ordinarily go to together. But after sometime he picked up his life and went on. As the days go and he loses friends, we try to fill in the gap. Although he keeps telling us he is lonely. I guess we’re keeping as company enough (laughter). He has pretty much maintained the same life, travelling often, eats the way he’s always eaten. I imagine it takes him longer to pack when he’s travelling because she would do that for him. He’s never really sought too much luxury or creature comforts. That has not changed a lot. I imagine because of that, it makes it a little easier for him.
WT: In what ways are you alike?
Joda: I look like him, even the getting angry; I’ve started to do that…
WT: Middle age…
Joda: (Laughter) Yes. I am. We clash a fair amount of times and I tell people it’s because I’m like him. Reflecting someone can be irritating. He’s always been liberal and I believe I’m liberal. Occasionally, he judges me, I think wrongly. He says I’m not a people person, but I think I am and more involved with people than he is. I’ve followed his footsteps for a long time.
WT: What do you think is instrumental for this?
Joda: He’s a very self-motivated person. He tries something, people disappoint, he tries another until he gets what he wants. At 85, he’s still very fit and inspires a lot of people. Age counts, so people respect him and he gets away with saying a lot, of things. He still writes, maybe because he’s a journalist and writes well. He’s constantly thinking about doing things.
WT: People say he is fashionable…
Joda: (shaking her head) No, he isn’t. Fulanis are not fashionable, especially the ones from Yola. They are the most bland people I’ve seen. They wear white, cream. He had and still has them. The only additions are green and dark blue. He would wear suits when he has to. But basically, these are the things you would find in his wardrobe. He’s attempted to buy jeans to wear on the farm but it hasn’t worked. I don’t think he can see himself wear jeans. My mother was and he enjoyed for her to be fashionable. But him, no!