Background check on would-be spouse: Is it necessary?

Marriage is not an ordinary decision; it is a huge step in anyone’s life because your partner’s past will somehow contribute to your future together. This includes both the bad and good aspects of your would-be spouse’s life. You both have been dating for some time and have reached the point where you are seriously […]

Marriage is not an ordinary decision; it is a huge step in anyone’s life because your partner’s past will somehow contribute to your future together. This includes both the bad and good aspects of your would-be spouse’s life.

You both have been dating for some time and have reached the point where you are seriously contemplating marriage. You have already been through all the formalities and have said things to each other like “Is there anything you would like to know about me? You feel confident that you are making a good choice and then you find out that this person did a background check on you.

In other words, is it necessary to do a background check on your intended spouse? And why?

Muhammad Bello Sada, who is married and based in Katsina, asked “How can you live with someone you know nothing about? Your spouse is supposed to be your friend, brother/sister and your most trusted counsellor. If you don’t know the person, how will you know what interests you share? Marriage goes beyond love.”

“There are times you practically feel disaffection and resentment towards your spouse; you have fights and crisis that you think you are through with your spouse for good, but after a few hours you will be back together. It is not love; it’s something bigger than that. You need to create that connection before tying the knot,” he added.

Firdous Abu Bakr, a civil servant, says it is important and she has her reasons. She told Lifextra that “Some social/moral issues you may find out may not make you back out but can prepare you, while for some reasons that have to do with some natural conditions like mental disorders, sickle cell traits, certain types of cancer, early menopause, asthma, diabetes (if you have these traits in your family), you might want to reconsider marrying from a family with same problems.”

Chuks Enyi, a graduate and married, also thinks it is very important to do a background check. “Doing a background check on someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with is important because it avails you the opportunity to discover things he/she will not readily tell you. It helps you find out things about him/her different from his/her version and provide basis for your decision.”

Odu Juliana thinks it is a vital issue and shouldn’t be taken for granted. In her words, “Background check to me is a must. My point is not to check how wealthy they are.”

Concurring with Abu Bakr, Juliana said “Believe me some illnesses are hereditary, therefore things like this cannot be ignored just because of love or for marriage sake,” she concluded.

Ahmed Mohammed, a graduate, however has another opinion. “It’s a paradox”, he says.  Speaking further, he added “Both have their advantages and disadvantages. A popular adage says to be forewarned is to be forearmed therefore, it is better. In decision making, all the facts should be available to make better decisions. But in love, you might not know something about your intended spouse you never knew before and love him or her even more for it.”

“However, in most cases that is not the most common in our present time; the adage takes precedence simply because the definition of love and happiness has radically changed.”