BARKA DA SALLAH!

A neighbour who Nasruddin didn’t like very much came over one day and asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin, not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbour, said: ‘I would love to loan you my donkey, but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry […]

A neighbour who Nasruddin didn’t like very much came over one day and asked Nasruddin if he could borrow his donkey. Nasruddin, not wanting to lend his donkey to the neighbour, said: ‘I would love to loan you my donkey, but only yesterday my brother came from the next town to use it to carry his wheat to the mill to be grounded. The donkey sadly is not here.’ The neighbor was disappointed but thanked Nasruddin and began to walk away. Just then, Nasruddin’s donkey, which was in the back of the compound all the time, let out a big bray. The neighbour turned to Nasruddin and said: ‘Mullah Sahib, I thought you told me that your donkey was not here?’ Nasruddin turned to the neighbour and said: ‘My friend, who are you going to believe? Me or the donkey?’
One day Nasruddin was busy repairing his roof when a stranger knocked on the door. ‘What do you want?’ Nasruddin shouted out. ‘Come down’, replied stranger, ‘so I can tell you.’ Nasruddin unwilling and with difficulty climbed down the ladder. ‘Well,’ asked Nasruddin, ‘what is so important as to make me come down?’ ‘Could you give a little money to this poor old man?’ begged stranger. Fully exasperated, Nasruddin started to climb up the ladder and said, ‘Follow me up onto the roof.’ After a hard climb, Nasruddin and the beggar reached the top of the roof. Nasruddin turned to the beggar and said: ‘The answer is NO!’
One day Nasruddin went to a banquet. As he was dressed rather shabbily, no one let him in. So he ran home, put on his best robe and returned. Immediately, the host came over, greeted him and ushered him to the head of the elaborate banquet table. When the food was served, Nasruddin took some soup with a spoon and pushed it to his robe and, to the full hearing of all guests present, said: ‘Eat, my beautiful robe, eat! It’s obvious that you are the real guest of honour today, not me!’
One hot day, Nasruddin was taking it easy in the shade of a walnut tree. After a time, he started eyeing speculatively the huge pumpkins growing on small vines nearby and the small walnuts growing on the majestic tree. ‘Sometimes I just can’t understand the ways of God!’ he mused. ‘Just fancy letting tiny walnuts growing on such a majestic tree, and huge pumpkins growing on these delicate vines!’ Just then a walnut snapped off the tree and fell smack on Nasruddin’s bald head. He got up at once and, lifting up his hands and face to heavens in supplication, said: ‘Oh my God! Forgive my questioning Your ways! You are All-Wise. Where would I have been now if pumpkins grew on trees?!’
One day an illiterate man came to Nasruddin with a letter he had received.’ ‘Mullah Nasruddin, please read this letter for me.’ Nasruddin looked at the letter but could not make out a single word. So he told the man: ‘I am sorry, but I cannot read this.’ The man cried: ‘What a shame, Mullah! You must be ashamed of the turban you wear!’ [The turban being a sign of knowledge]. Nasruddin removed the turban from his own head and placed it on the head of the illiterate man and said: ‘There, now you wear the turban. If it gives some knowledge, read the letter yourself!’
One day Nasruddin visited a town for some personal business. It was a frigid winter night when he arrived. On the way to the inn, a vicious-looking dog barked at him. Nasruddin bent down to pick up a stone from the street to throw at the animal. He could not lift it, for the stone was frozen to the earth. ‘What a strange town this is,’ Nasruddin said to himself. ‘They tie up the stones and let the dogs go free.’
Mullah Nasruddin was dreaming that someone had counted nine gold pieces into his hand, but Nasruddin had insisted that he would not accept less than ten pieces. While he was arguing with the man in the dream over the one gold piece, he was awakened by a sudden noise in the street. Seeing that his hand was empty, Nasruddin quickly closed his eyes, extended his hand as if he was ready to receive, and said: ‘Very well, my friend, have it your way. Give me the nine.’
One day Nasruddin went to the market and bought a fine piece of meat. On the way home he met a friend who gave him a special recipe for the meat. Nasruddin was very happy. But then, before he got home, a large crow descended from the sky and snatched the meat from his hand and flew off with it. ‘You thief!’ Nasruddin angrily called after the departing crow. ‘You have stolen my meat! But you won’t enjoy it; I’ve got the recipe!’
Nasruddin’s donkey died, and he was grieving heavily. ‘You may have lost your donkey, Nasruddin, but you don’t have to grieve over it more than you did about the loss of your first wife,’ said the neighbours. ‘Ah, but if you remember when I lost my wife, all you villagers said: ‘We’ll find you someone else. So far, nobody has offered to replace my donkey.’
Once a renowned philosopher and moralist was traveling through Nasruddin’s village when they met. The visitor asked Nasruddin for a good place to eat. He suggested a place and the scholar, hungry for conversation, invited Nasruddin to join him. Much obliged, Nasruddin accompanied the scholar to a nearby restaurant, where they asked the waiter about the special of the day. ‘Fresh Fish!’ replied the waiter. ‘Bring us two,’ they answered. A few minutes later, the waiter brought out a large platter with two cooked fish on it, one of which was quite smaller than the other. Without hesitating, Nasruddin took the larger fish and put in on his plate. The scholar, giving Nasruddin a look of intense disbelief, proceeded to tell him that what he did was not only blatantly selfish, but that it violated the principles of almost every known moral, religious, and ethical system. Nasruddin calmly listened to the philosopher’s extempore lecture patiently, and when he had finally exhausted his resources, Nasruddin said: ‘Well, Sir, what would you have done?’ Replied the scholar: ‘I, being a conscientious human, would have taken the smaller fish for myself.’ ‘Exactly,’ said Nasruddin. ‘And here you are,’ and placed the smaller fish on the gentleman’s plate.
Mullah Nasruddin and his wife came home one day to find their house burgled. Everything portable had been taken away. ‘It’s all your fault,’ said his wife, ‘for you should have made sure that the house was locked before we left.’ The neighbours took up the chant: ‘You did not lock the windows,’ said one. ‘Why did you not expect this?’ said another. ‘The locks were faulty and you did not replace them,’ said a third. ‘Just a moment,’ said Nasruddin, ‘surely I am not the only one to blame?’ ‘And who should we blame?’ they all shouted. ‘What about the thieves?’ said Nasruddin. ‘Are they totally innocent?’
Yes, Nasruddin; here in Nigeria, they totally are!