BARKA DA SALLAH: ‘ADAM AND EVE’

Barka da Sallah! From the days of “tomato face” almost a decade ago, every Sallah Season this Column prefers to be nice and light. We all receive, don’t we, so much unsolicited messages via social media which end up clogging our spaces and eating up our data. And, to add insult to injury, some senders […]

Barka da Sallah!
From the days of “tomato face” almost a decade ago, every Sallah Season this Column prefers to be nice and light.
We all receive, don’t we, so much unsolicited messages via social media which end up clogging our spaces and eating up our data. And, to add insult to injury, some senders ask you to forward to others, promising you positive things may happen to you. And otherwise if you don’t. You end up angrier.
However, sometimes there are some good messages you can’t resist reading and passing on to a friend or two. Many of these messages may not be true, and may just be the creative outpourings of brilliant minds. As your Columnist also gets gigabytes of these messages like everyone else, we will today share a few snippets on the theme “Adam and Eve”, or the beautiful life that is matrimony. So, Barka da Sallah once again. Enjoy.
EACH TO THEIR MOTHER: A man and his wife quarrelled. After the fight, the wife went into the bedroom. A few minutes later, the husband also trooped into the bedroom only to find the wife busy packing her bags. He asked: “You are packing? Where do you think you are going?” She answered: “To my mother!” The man paused for a while and then got his own bag and started packing too. The angry wife stared at him and said: “You are also packing? Where do you think you are going also?” He replied: “Oh yeah? I’m going to my mother too!” The wife shouted: “To your mother? And what about the children? Who is going to look after them?” The man replied: “You are going to your mother and I am going to my mother. The children should also go to their mother!”
ON BEING SPLIT AC: The husband is said to be like a split AC. No matter how loud he is outside, inside the house he is designed to remain silent, cool and controlled by remote.
TWO WRONGS MAKE RIGHT: There were two houses next to each other. In one resided a very unhappy family. The spouses yelled at each other, fought and quarrelled all the time. The other was a place of happiness and calm. During one of the fights in the first house, the wife challenges the husband: “Did you ever hear them quarrel or yell over at that house? No! Why don’t you go there and see what they do to avoid it!” The husband stood at the window of his neighbours and watched. There they were, busy doing their own things. The wife was in the kitchen cooking, and the man sat at the table writing. The phone rang, and the man jumped up and headed to the hallway to get it. On his way he bumped into a vase which fell and broke. He got down to his knees and started picking up the pieces. The wife ran into the room from the kitchen and also kneeled down to help her husband pick them up. The man said to his wife: “I am so sorry. I rushed to get the phone and bumped into the vase. It fell and got broken.” The wife replied: “No, honey, it is my fault. I put it there on the way. That’s why you bumped into it.” They looked at each other, and that was over. Both got back to what they were doing. The man at the window returned to his wife who then asked what the secret of the neighbour’s happiness was. Said her husband: “I know it now. In their family they both are guilty, and in our family both of us are always right!”
WITH HER GLASSES ON: She: “Honey, I don’t like you with the new glasses on.” He: “But sweetheart, I don’t wear any glasses.” She: “True, but I do.”
ABDULLAH KHALID MASJID FAJR: Two men used to compete with one another in going to the Masjid for Fajr. Abdullah used to always arrive before Khalid. Khalid asked Abdullah how he managed to always be so early. Abdullah replied saying. “Alhamdu lilLah, I have two wives who compete with one another in doing good, including waking me up early enough.” So Khalid decided to do the same and married a second…Alhamdu lilLah, Khalid now sleeps in the Masjid…
FISH AND WORMS AFTER: Wife: “Honey, before we got married you used to give me expensive presents and gifts…” Husband: “Yes, and…?” Wife: “How come you don’t do it anymore?” Husband: “Have you ever seen a fisherman giving worms to the fish after catching it?”
TO EACH, SIMILAR REWARD: It was Ramadan and Iftar time was drawing near. The wife was busy preparing Iftar in the background while the husband sat on the prayer mat to make du’a. The wife was listening. The husband’s friend needs to find a wife so he prayed: “O Allah! Get my friend a wife.” His wife said from the kitchen: “Be careful dear with your words, for du’as are accepted at this time!” The husband continued: “O Allah! Get my friend married to a pious and beautiful wife!” No sooner had he said this than his wife came over and hit him with a frying pan. The husband snapped: “What’s wrong with you? I’m only making du’a for my friend.” She replied: “I know what you’re up to!” He retorted: “What’s wrong with such a du’a?” She replied: “Don’t think I’m stupid…don’t you remember that Hadith which says that every time you make du’a for your brother there’s an Angel behind your back that says, ‘May Allah give you the same’!’’
BRIDE WHITE GROOM BLACK: A little boy looks at his mum at a wedding and asks: “Mummy, why is the girl dressed all in white?” His mum answers: “The girl is called a bride, and she is in white because she’s very happy and this is the happiest day of her life.” The boy nods in understanding and then asks again: “OK, and why is the boy all in black?”
MY MOUTH NOW ‘PIM’!: A man and his wife never fought for 25 years of their marriage. A friend asked him how he had managed to make it possible. He narrated: “Well, you see, we went for our honeymoon in Australia 25 years ago, and while riding on a horse, my wife’s horse jumped and she fell down. She got up, patted the horse’s back and said: “This is your first time.” After a while it happened again. She patted the horse again and said: “This is your second time.” The horse did it again the third time. She brought out a gun and shot the horse dead. I was so shocked and shouted at her: “Are you crazy! What’s wrong with you? Why did you kill the horse?” She smiled at me and said: “This is your first time.” Since then. . .My Mouth ‘Pim’!”
So there, Barka da Sallah once again. May we have witnessed Lailatul Qadr. My mouth now ‘Pim!’