Be careful who you talk to

We all at one point or the other need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen attentively to all our sorrows and heartaches. But before we find such a one to trust our secrets with, do we bother to check that they are actually safe with him or her” […]

We all at one point or the other need someone to talk to, a shoulder to lean on, an ear to listen attentively to all our sorrows and heartaches. But before we find such a one to trust our secrets with, do we bother to check that they are actually safe with him or her” Or grief usually gets the better of us and anyone who comes smiling suits the purpose?

“We have a saying where I come from that, ‘The man who is crying still has the ability to see’,” said Jonathan Ohenhen.

The twenty nine year-old shoe repairer said, “If because you are having a hard time or feel depressed and need to talk it over with someone you decide to do it with just anybody, I can assure that sooner or later, you will regret it. Before you tell anybody what you problems are, you have to be sure that he is one you can trust.”

Evelyn Iriefo said she was fortunate to have listened and taken to heart her mother’s advice very young in life. This she said is what has guided her to adulthood and now shares with her children.

“My mother always said to us that before we told anybody our secrets we should ask the following questions: are you telling him because he can turn the situation around for good? Are you telling him because you want his advice or are you telling him because you just want him to have information about you? She said it is only after you have undoubtedly answered these questions that you should now open your mouth.”

The mother of four, said “From this and as I grew older I came to realise that many of us throw our problems at the very wrong people because they really can’t offer any help but further spread your tales and complicate your life even more.”

Dooshima Noel says she can’t do without sharing her burdens with another person. “I get a lot of relief when I talk to somebody because I strongly believe that a problem is half solved when it is shared. Even if I don’t get any solutions fr5om the person, I feel lighter when I talk.

Although the fifty five year-old housewife agrees that, there is need to apply caution where one perceives another as a, “but then before you tell anybody anything, you should be sure it is something you won’t mind getting out in public if eventually that happens.”

Reuben Obieke initially, used to tell people about himself because he felt it would provoke their sympathy. But he learnt his lesson after an incidence at work.

“One day from nowhere I heard somebody making a joke of an issue I had confided to only one person. The one who was cracking the joke immediately saw my reaction and put his hand over his mouth as if to say, ‘I shouldn’t have said that, he’s not supposed to know I know’.

“Shocked,” the thirty nine year-old cashier said he was, but even in that state he realised that he had shared his secrets with the wrong person.

“From then on, my siblings and parents became my most trusted confidants. For once I began to truly appreciate the role family plays in one’s life in times like this. They are the ones who will not ridicule you no matter how senselessly you have acted. It’s only your family that will look out for you.

“Some might say this is not always true, but in my case it is and I believe it is so for many other people. Where you don’t have supportive family, take it to God in prayers and He will surely direct you. If He’ll speak you through somebody He will direct you to the right one.”