Believe this, you’ll believe anything!
sticking to the rules and earned – notoriety! But it was Reuben Apati whose wives and children would be smiling home on May 29. He rode on journalism to the millionaire’s club – by online publication evaluations.Bastard Okugbe’s case is worse. He neither writes nor speaks with finesse for an image maker. Not many swear […]
sticking to the rules and earned – notoriety! But it was Reuben Apati whose wives and children would be smiling home on May 29. He rode on journalism to the millionaire’s club – by online publication evaluations.
Bastard Okugbe’s case is worse. He neither writes nor speaks with finesse for an image maker. Not many swear by the efficacy of his stethoscope or the efficiency of his scalpel. What he lacks in medical acumen he makes for in his built like a sumo wrestler and his talks like a bully – two attributes needed by any drowning government in need of verbal jabs for survival. Say what you like about Yokosuna, he throws his wild punches with agbero braggadocio.
Early in the week, Okupe was sacked! Or was he? Well according to an online paper, his members of staff have not shown up for work since March 28 when they were ‘mobilised’ to deliver their votes and those of their wards to President Jones. According to records, they failed in that task as results from the Presidential Villa showed the boss’ boss is not popular at home. As far as online publishers – the new czars of journalism are concerned, if a man’s staff members are absent without leave, the boss has been sacked. Not so? The online journalism guru’s motto is – strike first with any beer parlour gossip and the truth would follow in a rejoinder.
The problem with such a motto in a sceptical nation is that the readers have a different attitude to the motto which reads like – don’t believe it until it’s denied and after official denial, please read in-between the lines. So, elections may have been won and lost, and sai Buhari and his team have been receiving all the cooperation needed for the unenviable task of rebuilding a battered nation, the new czars of journalism have completed the job for them – fictionally.
According to them, the president-elect has inaugurated the parliament – which only he is authorized to do. His party has chosen a cabinet comprising names forwarded to him by his real and imagined sponsors to be rubberstamped by a ‘bow and go’ sinnate. In the fertile imagination of these people, the parliament has met, and accepted the zoning formula of the party. Unconvincing headlines shows that this is a cabinet by media in which you may find it difficult to help your son or daughter pass his/her common entrance general knowledge questions. Your child must pray that the question ‘who is the new Senate President’, may need updates to be correct. David Mark has been fingered to gum his seat on that position. He did that when he crossed the floor to a rousing ovation and shouts of ‘tazarce’ or ‘carry go’.
While you’re thinking of Jeffrey Archer in the newsroom another headline hits your eyes – Group advocates for Adamu as Senate President. Well, these people did not read the memo that Buhari has promised no business as usual, they are not members of the red chamber or the APC (not officially at least), but here they were facelessly trying to run ahead of a government not yet sworn in. Welcome to Naija online media, except that your plane hasn’t touched down yet. Another headline says APC Zones Senate Presidency to the Middle Belt. Automatically Bukola Saraki has ascended the throne his father vacated about 30 years ago. But don’t write off George Akume yet, he is also a former governor, ranking senator and comeback kid. Sorry if you are an unschooled ‘settler’ reading this piece in confusion, I cannot help you.
Do you believe N20 billion was missing? Someone has found an account in Zenith Bank with that money. The old Wizard of Ota has returned some billions he found but would not allow the Jones kleptocracy inherit and squander. Jones wants his N2 trillion campaign funds back ostensibly to play with until Ban Ki-Moon vacates his office for him as the first president to congratulate his successor after his well-laid plan to rig himself back to office backfired.
While all the hilarious comedy riles Agbese and his crew, the Oba of Ode Irele was purging himself of any complicity in the deaths in his domain, attributed – according to another newspaper – to the quest by some youths to hammer by stealing some orisha from their shrine. Over a dozen people died in small community and the Oba and his chiefs were waiting for the usual appeasement of goats, palm wine and kola nuts until WHO officials pissed in the pot with their scientific finding that the deaths were as a result of manhandling of pesticides. Before you believe Naija online publication – grab a copy of James Hardly Chase’s classic – Believe this, You’ll Believe Anything!