Best ways to break up with someone

People who were once in love might discover after a while that the feeling is no longer the same. This could be due to being apart or the facts that their interests, ideas, values and feelings aren’t as compatible as during the early days of the relationship. And this often leads to a break-up. Not […]

People who were once in love might discover after a while that the feeling is no longer the same. This could be due to being apart or the facts that their interests, ideas, values and feelings aren’t as compatible as during the early days of the relationship. And this often leads to a break-up.

Not everyone is destined to end up with the first person they ever dated, and so chances are that some people would have gone through a number of break-ups. How do you initiate these break-ups; are there “Dos and Don’ts” of calling off a relationship? LIFEXTRA spoke to a cross section of Nigerians, and here is what they said.

Archibong Uduak Jnr who studied Medicine and Surgery at the University of Calabar said the best way is to talk to the person in clear terms.

He said “Call them up, fix a meet. Look for a conducive environment and the right timing and tell the person in plain terms you can’t continue.”

Archibong said ambiguity is a ‘big no’ for him because the person would still be hung up on hopes of a comeback when it may not possibly be the case.

Chukwuka Chukwumerije of Petratalk Int’l said that break-ups don’t have to be brutal. “You guys just have to come to an agreement. It doesn’t have to be brutal. It can be smooth even though it hurts. If you realise you can’t be with the person any longer, explain your position with love. I believe the person should understand.”

Chukwuka added that it is best if break-up is done face to face so that “the person can see the sincerity or lack of it.”

A writer, Tahir Sherriff, said it is best to have an open conversation with your partner on why you want to leave.

“An open conversation with your partner about why you want to leave would be ideal. But perhaps better than that, is to study your partner well enough to know what works best for them. This can help against emotional instability or backlash.”

Tahir opts for a face-to-face break-up. He said “I will go with face-to-face, but often the reality is that it gets quite uncomfortable looking into the eyes of someone you’ve shared so much with to declare an end to your relationship.”

The temperament of a person should determine the method to use opined Kukogho Iruesiri Samson, an Abuja-based publisher.

Kukogho said “I think the way you end it is dependent on the person and the relationship type too. For a crazy person, phone call does it, otherwise face to face.”

Mallam Moussa doesn’t buy the idea of using a third party to deliver your message because “a third party might not express my real feelings.”

He clarified that “My partner will believe me more if I said it myself. I will make sure I fight the emotional feelings and face her myself.”

He however stated that when you call off a relationship, you should move forward by going for a person better. “A lady should ensure she gets married to a more buoyant guy and for a guy that chooses to back out of a relationship, make sure you succeed. Success should be the only reason for anybody to leave any relationship.”

WebMD in an article “How to break up with someone” stated what not to do which include “Don’t tell your friends before you break up, Don’t post it on Facebook, Don’t text or email it.”

When it comes to breaking up, “text messages suck,” says Annie Fox, author of ‘The Teen Survival Guide to Dating and Relating’. “It’s cold and unnecessarily disrespectful.”

Changing your Facebook status from “In a relationship” to “Single” is also not the way to tell your boyfriend or girlfriend you’re through.

However, according to WebMD the best way to break up is to “Ask yourself why you want to end the relationship.” You really need to know why you’re doing this. “Because if someone is breaking up with you, the first question you always ask is, ‘Why? Did I do something wrong?’”

Another advice it proffered is to do it in person “Once you know why you want to end the relationship, be honest with yourself. And then be honest when you talk with them -privately, face-to-face.”