Bride’s dilemma in consummating marriage before ceremony

Some people hasten the solemnization before the ceremony to prevent other suitors from coming. There may also be delay in holding the ceremony because the bride’s house is not completed, because she is too young and will need some years to mature for the matrimonial rigors or maybe she is still schooling and would need […]

Some people hasten the solemnization before the ceremony to prevent other suitors from coming. There may also be delay in holding the ceremony because the bride’s house is not completed, because she is too young and will need some years to mature for the matrimonial rigors or maybe she is still schooling and would need some time to complete her studies.
Whatever the reason for deferment may be, the system has been well accepted and has never been seen as a problem. However, because of unfolding events, the need for the society to look at this system and find a way forward is imperative.
Investigations by the Home Front show that some men are abusing this privilege. The law says a woman is legally a man’s wife once the marriage is solemnized and this is even if she still lives in her parents’ house. Some men are using this to force the woman into accepting the consummation of the marriage before reaching their house.
The bride in this case is duty bound to obey her husband and is capable of incurring the wrath of her creator by refusing him.
A young lady who does not want her name in print got married to her chosen man a year ago and has been living in her father’s house in the village while the husband is living in the city.
Any time he goes home, he would take her out since she is legally his wife and her parents would not object to it and after spending some days in the village he would return to the city promising to come back soon for the ceremony.
That is how he kept her in the village with empty promises leaving her in suspense for one year and at the end of the day, he took another wife in the city and sent a divorce letter to her after she had consented to his carnal desires.
This is one instance of the abuse of this long accepted tradition by men today. It is now a well known fact most especially among divorcees that allowing a man to consummate the marriage before the ceremony is tantamount to the end of the marriage, “This is because he will not allow the ceremony to take place because he has already gotten what he wanted. What will follow is broken promises and at the end, he will just tender a divorce letter to her,” they say.
Another problem that is being created due to the delay in ceremony after solemnization is when pregnancy gets in. Sometimes the couples due to shame resort to more heinous act of aborting the pregnancy or even killing the child.
It is against this backdrop that some women are advising brides that happen to find themselves in such a situation to device means of avoiding consummation until when they finally get into their husband’s homes. Or alternatively, the woman; because of her vulnerability should insist on solemnization and ceremony at the same time to guard against falling victim of such circumstances.
Malama Khadijah Aliyu, an Islamic preacher said since the Shariah has made her legal to him, she should device a tactful means of avoiding him till when she finally gets into his house.
“This thing has been happening since most especially with divorcees. Once the wedding Fatiha is pronounced, he would insist on consummating the marriage before even packing to his house and as soon as she obliged him, the packing becomes a problem and sometimes that’s when the marriage will end. So my advice is for the woman to tactfully avoid him until she has reached his house,” she advised
She also suggested that alternatively, both parents and the bride should insist on complete wedding ceremony so that as soon as the wedding is solemnized, she will move from her parent’s house to the groom’s house,  adding  “Insisting on this will save her the problems associated with early solemnization.”
On his part, Malam Yakubu Abdullahi Yakasai said though Islam has given a nod to this system of marriage, due to developments in the modern time, it is better for parents to rethink the practice.
He said: “As for me I will not give out my daughter to a man that is not yet ready for marriage. Though it is allowed but because of the changes now, it is better to avoid it. Taking such a stand will protect the vulnerable lady from such abuse by the modern man.”
He advised Islamic scholars to preach against this kind of abuse by men so that young girls and matrons will be protected and their lives safeguarded.