BUDGET 2016: HAPPY NEW MONEY!

Hip Hip Hurray! It has finally happened! Congratulations Nigerias! A round of applause! Happy New Money! Up TSA! The news is all over! Yesterday, President Muhammadu Buhari (PMB) signed the 2016 Budget of over Six Trillion Naira (N6tr). Shame to those shameless who didn’t want us to see yesterday when new money will flow into […]

Hip Hip Hurray! It has finally happened! Congratulations Nigerias! A round of applause! Happy New Money! Up TSA!
The news is all over! Yesterday, President Muhammadu Buhari (PMB) signed the 2016 Budget of over Six Trillion Naira (N6tr). Shame to those shameless who didn’t want us to see yesterday when new money will flow into the economy. And polity. And sociology.
In today’s piece, we juxtapose PMB’s remarks at yesterday’s signing with a comment from a Poor Man (PM). Enjoy:
PMB: “It gives me great pleasure today to sign the first full-year budget of this administration into law.  I thank the leadership of the National Assembly, in particular, the Senate President and the Speaker of the House of Representatives, and indeed all members of the National Assembly for their cooperation in making this a reality.”
PM: “Mr. President, it gives you pleasure? Haba? The pleasure is all ours. We are so happy. And you thank the National Assembly for their cooperation? Which cooperation? Where were you when they took their share upfront and ordered new SUVs? They said the money is from last year’s budget…meaning that good old Jonathan is more generous than you. And where you in China when some young fellows sieged NASS to #reclaimnigeria? Remember Calabar!”
PMB: “The budget is intended to signpost a renewal of our commitment to restoring the budget as a serious article of faith with the Nigerian people. This Administration is committed to ensuring that henceforth the annual appropriation bill is presented to the National Assembly in time for the passage of the Act before the beginning of the fiscal year.”
PM: “Article of Faith? Apart from the six? God, Prophets, Books, etc.? Budget is a new one? Though we don’t know much about the budget process, they keep telling us that the difficulty we are facing in the polity and economy is because there is no budget. That as from yesterday, rice would return to Nine Thousand Naira. In that case, perhaps budget should be Pillar of Faith. Because those are only five of those, Prayer, Fasting…”
PMB: “Through the 2016 budget, aptly titled ‘Budget of Change’, government seeks to fulfill its own side of the social contract. The Budget I have signed into law provides for aggregate expenditures of N6.06trn. Further details of the approved budget, as well as our Strategic Implementation Plan for the 2016 budget, will be provided by the Honourable Minister of Budget and National Planning.”
PM: “Budget of Change. Small change or big change? We have to report that whenever we buy whatever wherever, they never give us change. So that change should be included. And ‘social contract’? You signed for Government yesterday, so who’s signing on behalf of ‘social’? Not the Minister of Budget, please!”
PMB: “I shall be speaking in more details about the Budget, its implementation and the over-all national economic and social policies of the Government in my address on May 29th, God willing.”
PM: “OK. Amen! Should we hope by then that something has started reaching the ‘social side’? In three weeks’ time?”
PMB: “In designing the 2016 budget, we made a deliberate choice to pursue an expansionary fiscal policy despite the huge decline in government revenues from crude oil exports. This is why we decided to enlarge the budget deficit at this time, to be financed principally through foreign and domestic borrowings.  All borrowings will however be applied towards growth-enhancing capital expenditures.”
PM: “Borrowing. Is that like overdraft? At N18,000 minimum wage no bank nowadays gives workers overdraft. That’s why Labour is asking for N56,000 minimum wage. And the Governors also ‘borrowed’ from you, and you told them to give us. Most haven’t.”
PMB: “The signing of the budget today will trigger concerted efforts to reflate the Nigerian economy, a key element of which is an immediate injection of N350bn into the economy by way of capital projects. To illustrate our renewed commitment to infrastructural development, the 2016 budget allocates over N200bn to road construction as against a paltry N18bn allocated for same purpose in the 2015 budget.
PM: “Yes Sir, we need you to reflate the economy. Many people are dying in accidents said to be caused by bust tires. And they say tires must be reflated and inflated accordingly, like the economy. And as for trigger, even IGP of Police is going to deal with trigger-happy policemen. They drink and trigger dangerously.”
PMB: “Despite the current difficulties we will work extra-hard to achieve our revenue projections. Our revenue generating agencies are coming under better management and are being re-oriented. The implementation of the Treasury Single Account (TSA) is expected to contribute significantly to improving transparency over government revenues.”
PM: “Hard work Sir? You mean you are staying at home to ensure that? At the last count, the Accountant General (too many generals around you: you are a general, he is a general, the attorney is also a general) has said you have collected half of the budget in the TSA. Up TSA!”
PMB: “Our determined fight against corruption is resulting in improvements in the quality of public expenditure. The work of the Efficiency Unit, as well as other public financial management initiatives, are also contributing in this regard. The continuing efforts to reduce recurrent expenditures should hopefully free up more funds for capital expenditure in 2017 and beyond.
PM: “Free up more funds. In other words, there would be more free funds, Sir?”
PMB: “As I said in my New Year message, living in State House does not in any way alienate me from your daily struggles. I read the newspapers and listen to the TV and radio news. I hear your cries. I share your pains.”
PM: “Really Sir? You hear? On Freedom Radio? You share our pains? The Artemisinin-Combo or the Ampiclox? Or the plain Panadol?”
PMB: “We are experiencing probably the toughest economic times in the history of our Nation. I want to commend the sacrifice, resilience and toughness of all Nigerians young and old who have despite the hardships continued to have hope and confidence of a great future for Nigerians. But permit me to say that this government is also like none other. We are absolutely committed to changing the structure of the Nigerian economy once and for all.”
PM: “…toughest economic times in history…very true Sir. How do you know? Hurray! He knows!”
PMB: “We are working night and day to diversify the economy so that we never again have to rely on one commodity to survive as a country. So that we can produce the food we eat, make our own textiles, produce most of the things we use. We intend to create the environment for our young peoples to be able to innovate and create jobs through technology.”
PM: “Big economic grammar! But by the way Sir, and it’s not as if we want to poke-nose, but is it true ministers asked for more money to pay rent? Wink, wink! And that you told them off? That’s Our Man! You are the one we elected, and you selected them. If they can’t do it for the price you are offering, Home Town is not too far! Kawai!
PMB: “I cannot promise you that this will be an easy journey, but in the interest of so much and so many we must tread this difficult path.  I can assure you that this government you have freely elected will work with honesty and dedication, day and night to ensure that our country prospers and that the prosperity benefits all Nigerians. God bless Federal Republic of Nigeria.
PM: “We agree. God bless you too. Long Live TSA! #ReturnTheSUVs! #LessRentForMinisters! Happy New Money!