Buhari’s early-bird critics

Since nobody gave me a seat near Zimbabwe’s Uncle Bob, I watched the handing over from the discomfort of my settee – thanks to John Momoh. Old Uncle Bob must have been so amused by the whole show that he forgot his trademark public nap. This thing called handing-over is alien to him. If Uncle […]

Since nobody gave me a seat near Zimbabwe’s Uncle Bob, I watched the handing over from the discomfort of my settee – thanks to John Momoh. Old Uncle Bob must have been so amused by the whole show that he forgot his trademark public nap. This thing called handing-over is alien to him. If Uncle Bob stood for elections, he always wins; if he appointed you, you stood appointed until iniquity is found in you -ask Joyce Mujuru.
In the square were those who swear by Uncle Bob’s style, for example, Togo’s presidential monarch, Faure Gnassingbe who inherited and is nurturing the throne of his father. Count in Yahya Jammeh, the Gambian tyrant with nine lives who is vehemently dangerous in reverse elocution – President Jones invited them all once it became obvious that he would not be able to hand over quietly from his bedroom.
There’s a new association in town – it’s the League of Social Media Critics, LESOMEC, which has promised to give the Muhammadu Buhari presidency a run for its popularity contest. If Buhari is still holding on to arcane principles of campaign is over, and building a new Naija, Lesomec has hit the ground running on his trail. First salvo, why didn’t the president, having sworn on the Quran end his speech with a fatiha as a good Muslim? While the Ummah was chewing that came another one – Buhari had ‘abandoned’ his guests to attend the Juma’a prayer. Every step, Buhari would have to find the mean between being Muslim and being President. Earlier Buhari was reported to be so much in a hurry to assume the full functions of a president that he forgot to pump the hands of his guests. The Wizard of Ota was said to have been so embarrassed he became a PA who whispered in the president’s ears and made him ‘do the needful’. This gesture, it was said contradicted Buhari’s new mantra that he belonged to nobody but everybody!
Twelve hours after the ceremony, there were concerned critics asking Buhari to declare his assets; excluding his beautiful daughters of course. Twenty-four hours later, Buhari obliged via a statement declaring that a list was in the hands of the Code of Conduct Bureau. That did not sway the critics who want nothing but something pasted on NEPA poles and billboards and reported by Daily Trust.
Omoyele Sowore, Sahara Reporters founder caused another furore when he circulated the video of a sprawling estate allegedly belonging to the outgone first wife who avoided Evil Square for fear of the plagues that required 13 operations to combat. Such pictorial evidence to Mr Anti-Corruption, especially to the rejuvenated EFCC, should not be allowed to go without commensurate countering. Thus began the campaign that Aisha Buhari’s Cartier wristwatch could clear the backlog of salaries owed Benue and Osun state workers. Well, according to the manufacturer, the watch is worth less than the price of a gallon of petrol pre-swearing in. Buhari supporters valued the watch at N10,000 by Okonjo-Iweala’s exchange rate. Chiaie!
You can’t stop a Jonathanian from exhibiting his ignorance – it runs in the clan. There are supporters of the old order who are dissatisfied with Buhari’s slow and steady pace. They have appointed for him an SGF and recanted. They have appointed a chief of staff but failed to announce it. In fact, if you give it to them, Buhari ought to have come to Evil Square with a full ministerial and staff list. You couldn’t blame them, these were the same people who claimed that a General in the Naija army had no school certificate or its equivalence.
Should anyone be worried that they are all scratching eczema where there is none? No. In fact this is the beauty of democracy -which allows fools to exhibit their foolishness just because they can. If they graduate from being social media hypes into serious-minded critics, it would help Muhammadu Buhari understand, that to win election and become the leader of 170 million restless people is not a walk in the park, or as they say here – no be moimoi. One could only have wished they tugged at substance, not straws. All said and done, as Tai Solarin would say – Mr President may your road be rough.