‘But I wanted a boy, not a girl…’

Mrs. Jumoke Adegoke, an accountant, told Womanhood her story: “My mum has a special relationship with her sons. When I say special, I mean very special. We don’t know how far that relationship went, but we know it was a bit odd. My mum celebrated her sons. We would be out in public and she […]

Mrs. Jumoke Adegoke, an accountant, told Womanhood her story: “My mum has a special relationship with her sons. When I say special, I mean very special. We don’t know how far that relationship went, but we know it was a bit odd. My mum celebrated her sons. We would be out in public and she would say, ‘I have three sons! I’m such a lucky woman!’ She is proud of her sons no matter what, it did not matter to her if they turned out to be killers or losers, she would still be proud of them. She had higher expectations of her sons than of her daughters. To her, girls are born to be child-bearers and homemakers. Boys ruled the world in her own perception then but today where are her boys as I can proudly say it is only her daughters that are adequately taking care of her.”

While every parent-to-be wants a happy, healthy baby, many cannot deny that they have a preference for bearing male babies. Dealing with it is another matter entirely. In Nigeria today, many have come to believe that once a woman has not put to bed a baby boy, she is yet to make an impact in the family. So is the plight of many women who are yet to have male children for their husbands as they are seen to be of no use or good for the family.

“The in-laws could make life so difficult. I am speaking from experience: I had four girls and they are not seen as human beings, but I know that all my tears today will be laughter tomorrow even as my husband has abandoned us and is living with the woman that put to bed a baby boy for him,” one Madam Oyekachi Mbafo said.

Traditionally, Nigeria is a male-dominated society even as women have made tremendous impact in the lives of even the so-called male personalities. The major problems women face in the society today is due to what is being started in the home front. Women in this society of ours face different barriers, deep prejudice and discrimination. Most men say they prefer a male child so the family name to can be sustained, inherit property and the need to conform to the culture and traditional setting. Which made one Abuja-based Catherine Nathaniel to ask: “If I may ask, what is so particular about the male child anyway? In the society in which we live now, womenfolk seem to be doing more than the men. I’m aware of some women that are breadwinners, so what is the noise about?”

Hassan Bako added: “It is a trend that has taken a turn for the worse as some men now use it as an excuse to take a second wife and only end up in the same situation producing kids that they cannot take care of.  I know of a family that wanted only three children but kept on having more children in the name of having a male child and ended up having seven female kids.” Bako went on to say: “It is time for men to realize that they determine and supply the chromosomes to make a male child, so they should stop blaming their wives.”

The preference for male children has gotten so many families into trouble as some fathers in their desperation end up having illegitimate children and even when they have the male child, he ends up being a nuisance.

Some men engage in polygamy once the first wife cannot bear a male child and on the other hand has prompted this craze amongst women to get a male child at all cost for their husbands. In a strained voice, one responded who wanted to be known simply as Anuli, said: “I do not need to be told that I have one leg in and one leg out as I am yet to give my husband a male child.”

Womenfolk are already faced with too much trouble in the home to allow such irrelevant issues to bother them, for as the saying goes: “Whatever a man can do, a woman does it better”. A child is a child no matter what: It is not about the gender, but personality. We ought to be counting our blessings, instead of making selections. Many out there are praying for a child, any child.”