Can you reveal your salary to your spouse?

Shade who works in one of the financial institutions in the country was surprised because all through their courtship  he never asked her such a question and did everything for her with joy.More shocking was when she was told that it is for them to plan their family well. This did not go down well […]

Shade who works in one of the financial institutions in the country was surprised because all through their courtship  he never asked her such a question and did everything for her with joy.
More shocking was when she was told that it is for them to plan their family well. This did not go down well with her.
One of the first issues newlyweds face is how to handle their finances. “Couples struggle about this one,” says Ruth Hayden, author of “For Richer, Not Poorer: The Money Book for Couples.”
 Should you merge everything you have and earn into one joint account, or should you maintain individual accounts and open a joint one for household expenses? This and many questions prop up as couples begin their journey together.
SmartMoney magazine’s survey found that the majority of couples (64%) put all of their money in joint accounts, while 14% kept everything in separate accounts, and 18% had both.
 “Married couples should try different ways of handling the money to see what works for them,” says Ginita Wall, co-founder of the Women’s Institute for Financial Education.
For many newlyweds, the right choice may be somewhere in the middle. “You should have some autonomy money, I should have some autonomy money, and we need to learn how to practice being a couple together with our money.”
Pastor Faith Oyedepo a marriage counselor in one of her books “Success in Marriage” while explaining the importance of exchange of gifts said when two people are in a covenant of marriage, they ought to be committed to the good of one another adding that it is however,  amazing to see couples hiding money away from each other.
“Some hide how much they earn, the properties they have etc. from their partners.  But such acts reveal that they do not understand these vital characteristics of marriage covenant,” she said.
She explained further that all that a couple had before marriage now jointly belongs to them. “Don’t allow material things to come between you and your spouse.”
Mrs. Vivian Daniel who got wedded a year ago said she is an example of openness in marriage explaining that transparency between couple matters a lot.
She said if you are sincere then you will open up on everything and telling your spouse about your salary will not be a debatable matter.
Mrs. Ruth Durowaiye in her opinion said it is all about honesty, transparency, sincerity, truthfulness and oneness adding that she personally feels that couples should not hide away anything from themselves.
She adds that there is no secret higher than your nakedness to each other. “So, what is salary or money that you will be hiding from each other?”
A former editor of MoneySense first suggests that you decide how important it is to you to know what your partner makes, and how it changes your life to have that information, if it does at all.
“Money is the number-one issue that people fight over in marriage. But if you are just dating, you may find out and wonder if it’s too high for you? What if it’s too low?
 “If you live separately, and do not share bills or expenses, I suppose it’s really not your business to know,” said the former editor.
Mrs. Dinnah Okai said she sees nothing bad in revealing her salary to her husband adding that if both know what they are earning monthly or annually it will help them to plan effectively.
“At the same time you must have known your spouse financial status before you enter into marriage and that will help you in your expectations,” she said.
Mrs. Bridget Afolayan also said there is absolutely nothing wrong in couples revealing their salary. “I mean it is good but that does not mean the man should start monitoring how the woman intends to spend her money.”
Some helpful tips.
1. Figure out if knowing your spouse’s salary is important to you. If so, figure out why, do you wonder about sharing expenses, saving for a house, etc. and if it will change your life at all to have the information.
2. Don’t have any expectations. If you learn your spouse’s salary, you cannot reply with “Well, that’s too low” or “Great! That’s high.” There is no right or wrong number in a good relationship, she says.
3. If you ask for his salary, be prepared that you may not get the information. If your spouse does say no to your request, is that a deal breaker for your relationship? “If for some reason the love of your life really does not want you to know, you will have to carry on in the relationship and let it go.”
4. If your spouse flat-out refuses to let you in on his earnings, after so many years together, he may not open up to other issues either.
5. If you know why you want to know because you are wondering if he/she can help build a family, or afford child care, or buy a bigger house she suggests that you ask those questions, as opposed to asking for his specific salary. She suggests that men may not like talking about their salaries, so talk around it: “Honey, we need a new car soon. Will we both be able to afford one?” Never be pushy!