Canadian Stealing Versus Naija Corruption

I promised not to bore readers with Canada’s local politics and its pseudo-scandals. It is generally boring to a Naija mind. There are no rallies per se here; the candidates do town hall meetings where reporters, party members and sanctimonious voters heckle them. Stephen Harper, the Canadian prime minister, had to comply with electoral laws […]

I promised not to bore readers with Canada’s local politics and its pseudo-scandals. It is generally boring to a Naija mind. There are no rallies per se here; the candidates do town hall meetings where reporters, party members and sanctimonious voters heckle them. Stephen Harper, the Canadian prime minister, had to comply with electoral laws prohibiting candidates from mounting signposts earlier than 60 days to the polls.  When the elections are over, they have to clear the billboards. A Rochas Okorocha style billboards advertising Harper’s handshake with Obama would cost him the election.
Last week, boring Canadian taxpayers and potential voters even pretended they were angry that they have been paying for their prime minister’s coif – insolence.
Compared to the $700 million paid as consultancy fees for the virtual second Niger Bridge this too is- boring! Is it anyone’s fault that they cannot see the Internet bridge? Canadians are heckling their prime minister because his former chief of staff allegedly helped one of his aides to pay back a dodgy $90,000 claim as a sinator. Yes, the guy paid back the money before the RCMP, the Canadian equivalent of EFCC could lay a charge but his attempt at stealing is negatively impacting his boss’ electoral chances. This extended application of the doctrine of vicarious liability bores a Naija mind.
When I read about the wicked serial revelations of the alleged misdeeds of Babatunde Raji Fashola by his successor, Akinwumi Ambode, and the muted reaction of his fans, I wonder if someone should not apologise to Father Kukah. Fashola needs an Adeboye to wash away his perceived misdemeanours in office the same way the cleric endorsed his tax drive. I often wonder why people try to tarnish the bad reputation of others and why the guilty must be made to prove their innocence?
America’s Hilary Clinton who was President Jones’ teacher is struggling to catch her breath from strategically leaked e-mails a long way to her party’s primaries. In Greece, Alexis Isipras had to resign and call early elections just because he failed a pre-election promise not to touch the IMF’s Greek gift with a twelve-inch pole then recanted. IBB made a similar promise and did the exact opposite, earning the moniker Maradona of the evil genius universe? Candidate Buhari promised to declare his assets and to force his aides to do the same but President Buhari discovered nobody could make him do it.
Nature knew what we would be and colour-coded Africa and Africans differently from the rest of the globe. This is why the buried dirt of anyone who ever campaigned for black rights usually flies back in their faces. If I were white, I’d borrow Samuel Jackson’s Pulp Fiction line and strike down with great vengeance and furious fury anyone who attempts to smear my skin or race.
Conscientious Canadians have nothing on Africa when it comes to elections. Prime Minister Stephen Harper has been in power for ten years. If he wins October’s polls, at just 56 years old, he would have more oil in the tank to challenge Pierre Trudeau for his country’s trophy as the longest-serving Canadian prime minister. He would be running a relay race with Yahya Jammeh and Robert Mugabe – without the latter’s annoying wrinkles. A Justin Trudeau win may adjust the bloodline trophy held by both Faure Gnassingbe and Joseph Kabila.
Canadians are poles apart from Africans. Last November, Harper introduced a law with a curious title – the Zero Tolerance for Barbaric Cultural Practices Act. It seeks, inter alia to protect Canada’s pristine values from barbarous acts such as polygamy, honour killing and child marriages. This, rather than the frozen Canadian weather is why polygamous African kings have kept their distance from Canadian holiday resorts. The fear of jail is good reason to adopt TM Aluko’s One-Man One Wife philosophy, support inalienable gay rights or practice serial monogamy.
The hackers of the Ashley Madison website are redefining Canadian moral standards. It’s a shame that certain married Canadians practice the barbaric act of web adultery. Apparently, they have been cutting shows when no one but the web is watching. This barbarous act, one would expect is reserved for black sinators only. That was until Toronto’s police superintendent Bryce Evans announced an upsurge in suicide rates Ashley Madison and offered $500,000 reward to anyone with information that could lead to the identity of the hackers gnawing at a society’s garded secrets. 
Canadian politics can get as ‘petty’ as whether the PM ‘wears a rug’ or his natural hair. President Buhari does not have to worry; he has lost a lot of frontal hair, but who cares? Hajiya Aisha is not complaining – or is she? Not until her virtual office of the first lady allowance is slashed or unpaid.