Change the joke jesters, nobody is laughing

No entity should be run like that, not in a crises situation. Serious entities have strong crisis management plans, and an effective crisis management committee. They meet regularly, set out levels of scenario and map out response. They set up a chain of information command including official spokesperson(s). But the big question is, does Arsehol […]

No entity should be run like that, not in a crises situation. Serious entities have strong crisis management plans, and an effective crisis management committee. They meet regularly, set out levels of scenario and map out response. They set up a chain of information command including official spokesperson(s). But the big question is, does Arsehol Villa ever busy with looting and primitive succession strategies see abduction, explosions, and insurgency as a crisis?
To deal with suicide bombers – we set up road blocks, creating traffic jams to manually search vehicles and people. Now we have shut down an entire capital city in our quest to gloss over our gradual disintegration. If the purpose of having an economic summit is to attract investments, how does any investor who does not feel free to interact with government workers in their natural elements choose your country Eldorado? But if one group calls Naija the largest economy in Africa, government clowns must superficially live up to that description.
The most glaring evidence that our nation has entered the ‘one chance’ bus of cluelessness was the abduction of today-increasing-and-tomorrow-decreasing number of schoolchildren. Any wonder we have no reliable census? Evidently, President Jones did not see this as a national calamity even up till Sunday when he bored us with his televised media charade with his handpicked panel of ego-massagers. The president confessed that he has not examined the files (if any) of the abducted girls. His hagiographers think a media charade is the best way to silence global quest for answers oblivious that this president, even with a script is an unconvincing communicator.  
For one, you do not summon a state governor like a headmaster sending for an errant pupil. Within 24 hours of a tragedy, a real president must have all the essential details – that is why he has interior, defence, and in this case education ministers and service chiefs. Their duty is not to sleep but to visit the scene of crime, gather relevant information, then regularly and accurately inform the nation even if all they are saying is that one child has escaped her captors at seven this morning and what local and federal authorities are doing to rescue the rest. It is not for the president to keep his indolent ministers because Saudi Arabia keeps its own for 20 years. We have elections every four years – or we appear to and cabinet is dissolved in between so, no room for lifetime minister.
Reporters, who act as bridge between governments and the governed are supposed to know precisely where to get information. Today, we have government officials speaking in broken tongues. David Mark confused himself vowing that government would exterminate Boko Haram before it can talk of dialogue! This is a retired general. The Christ of Okrika vowed but failed to march to Sambisa to demonstrate her anger that Governor Shettima is allowed to sleep instead of being woken at 2.00 a.m. to explain himself. Again, the headmaster analogy, except that 24 hours after the deadline, she is still sitting pretty in her cocoon.
Then to further enmesh the polity, CAN, the church arm of the ruining party releases a list drafted to polarise rather than rally. Is there a country called Muslim or Christian? If the girls had disappeared on an excursion to Cotonou, would their passports read Christian or Muslim?
The first family is a circus, security chiefs are jesters, the government is a comedy of errors and nobody is amused except the courtiers, contractors, the ten percenters and the rented crowd. The idiotic way of handling serious issue of international embarrassment rubs off on the global recognition earned by our citizen abroad. Before his failed attempt at destroying NNPC, Dele Olojede was a Pulitzer winner; we have the Dan Agbeses, Ray Ekpus, Adamu Ciromas, and the Sam Amuka-Pemus. Public relations have the Alex Nwokedis, the Sam Epeles, Emeka Maduegbunams and parades young Turks like the Muyiwa Akintundes, the Peter Oyeneyes, and the Gbenga Adebijas. Yet crisis management has become apoptotic– no thanks to the installation and institution of cluelessness as a virtue. What a shame that our ship of governance is sinking or at best adrift, our captain is either too inebriated to handle the situation or at best has left ship to hunt fingerlings. Change the joke jesters, nobody is laughing!