Changing your partner after marriage

When it comes to choosing a lifetime partner, we have to do it carefully. Most marriage counsellors would always advice intending couples to ‘never expect your partner to change after marriage’.   Marriage brings together people who have different personalities, backgrounds, emotions, traits etc. When a couple dates, they both have an inner wish and […]

When it comes to choosing a lifetime partner, we have to do it carefully. Most marriage counsellors would always advice intending couples to ‘never expect your partner to change after marriage’.

 

Marriage brings together people who have different personalities, backgrounds, emotions, traits etc. When a couple dates, they both have an inner wish and that is to change certain characteristics of the person they would be getting married to.

While this may seem as easy as ABC that may not always be the case because of the different ways and mannerisms we all have. But the question now is: Will you change your partner after marriage? Secondly, will you change for your partner?

With this in mind, LifeXtra sought the opinion of the public and the responses were overwhelming.

Eldorado Dan, a journalist, believes it is possible to change a spouse’s behaviour. “But it is time bound,” he told LifeXtra

He explained that “it is possible to change over time but there are lots of factors to consider. There are some attitudes that they both have to live with and there cases where one person will have to compromise.”

Eldorado added that he could change for his spouse; however “it depends on what she wants me to change because there are some habits that will be difficult for me to drop.”

He said like she will have to live with his love for football. “When it is time to watch football she will have to just give me that space”

Onazi Onazi, a data analyst, also agrees that it is possible to change your partner’s behavior before marriage, “after marriage it’s a bit more difficult.” He added that “nevertheless you are supposed to be able to change and make a compromise, which is what the whole concept of marriage is all about.”

He said “if the change is positive. If I feel what she is asking of me is the better attitude, then I can change for her”

A young woman who simply identified herself as Chioma said, “In most cases you cannot change a person but you can influence their attitude from time to time, therefore a complete change is not feasible.”

When LifeXtra asked her if she would change for her partner, Chioma responded “I won’t change, but I can compromise in some aspects.”

Maryam Hassan, a student, told LifeXtra “Change is the only constant thing in life as such I believe one’s fiancée or husband can be changed but note that it is only certain aspects of a person you can change and it will be over a long period of time.

“The types of changes that are most difficult is when you want a person to give-up something not because it is necessarily negative but because you don’t like it. For instance, my boyfriend wants me to read less novels or watch movies instead of soap operas, that will be difficult. Furthermore, attitudinal change that has to do with addiction is also difficult to change, although some people might change with age.” 

Blessing Braimoh, an accountant in her early thirties, asked, “Why would you marry someone and then want to change him/her? If you love someone enough to marry her, then you should learn to ignore her flaws and concentrate on the qualities that attracted you to the person in the first place.” 

When asked if she can change for her spouse, she said, “Living together in love involves a lot of compromise. If a certain aspect of my attitude hurts my partner, I might change because I love him. But if he forces me, then I will walk away because he knew I was like that before he proposed. People drop a lot of baggage out of love for their spouses, and that is the best way for partners to change after marriage. Such change lasts.”