Child brides: Love or abuse?

Marriage is regarded as a social union or legal contract between individuals who creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found. People marry for many reasons, most often including one or […]

Marriage is regarded as a social union or legal contract between individuals who creates kinship. It is an institution in which interpersonal relationships, usually intimate and sexual, are acknowledged in a variety of ways, depending on the culture or subculture in which it is found.

People marry for many reasons, most often including one or more of the following: ‘love/emotional, legal, social, economic, spiritual, and religious. These might include arranged marriages, family obligations, the legal establishment of a nuclear family unit, the legal protection of children and public declaration of love.’

Going by these, how then can a marriage between a 60 year old man and a thirteen year-old child be defined? Is this a union of love or of abuse and exploitation?

The world over, the issue of early or child marriage is perceived as a violation of basic human rights. ‘It has been estimated that 49 countries have a significant child bride problem.’

Breaking out of the tradition to marry young is difficult. These girls do not often receive support from their families to say no to marriage.

Amidst all the hullabaloo of taking on an under aged bride is an interesting twist,  which is the fact that some of these child-brides like 14-year-old Fa’iza Mohammed (not real name) claim to be pleased about being married as well as being in love with their husbands.

Speaking with the couple at different times, worthy of note are the reasons for which she is happy to be married. “I don’t feel bad I am his third wife because my husband pampers me a lot and gives me everything I want and showers me with love.” Understandably, she is apparently oblivious of the reality of what marriage is about.

In another chat with her husband, Adam Mohammed (Not real name), the major reason he enjoys being married to her is her inability to oppose anything he says. “Apart from the fact that she is attractive and I have caught her young, I also truly like the fact that she never argues or opposes anything I say. Whatever I tell her she agrees in accordance with my views. I don’t have this with my other wives. She doesn’t do anything without consulting or asking my permission first. Also since she is young and fresh, I can modify and groom her to my taste.

These don’t sound as words of a husband who is in love with his bride. They give the impression of one who wants a young and beautiful ‘fool’ he can boss and get to do his bidding as and at when he demands.

During the entire discussion, he never once mentions the fact that he loves her and that love is the motivation for marrying her eventually. Rather, he emphasised the fact that she is easy going and just as easy to handle.

One asks if it is normal for anybody to want a wife who is a ‘yes sir’ type and cannot form her own opinions or confidently take decisions which in her thoughts are beneficial to her and those around her who may be affected.

In the absence of her husband, is it also ideal for such a woman to be left in charge of the home if the need arises? How would she cope if she has been incapacitated and has never been able to stand on her own?

The unfortunate thing is the economic consideration; many families are not likely to object such propositions. So even if a child-bride decides to break free from her marriage she is not likely to have the backing of her family.

Also, one who has not attained the age to be given full responsibility for her life should not be encouraged to marry and start a family. We need to be realistic and come to terms with the fact that many teens, while being normally sexually active, are simply not mature enough to marry.

Such arrangements only deprive these kids of their childhood because a constraint is imposed of being in a ‘legally’ recognised relationship and forcing these children to grow up and mature too fast.

tween much older and younger people.