Christian parenting in a secular society

The Catechism of Christian Doctrine begins with a very crucial question. It asks: “Who made you?” The respondent answers: “God made me.” The question that immediately follows is: “Why did God make you?” The respondent says: “God made me to know him, love him and serve him in this world, and to be happy with […]

The Catechism of Christian Doctrine begins with a very crucial question. It asks: “Who made you?” The respondent answers: “God made me.” The question that immediately follows is: “Why did God make you?” The respondent says: “God made me to know him, love him and serve him in this world, and to be happy with him forever in the next.” The import of these two questions is that we have been created by God and for God. We have come from God and we are going back to God. Between the point of origin and our final destination, we have this time on earth as the time of spiritual productivity, the time of bearing fruit. It is the time to know God, to love him and to serve him faithfully. It is the time to keep God’s commandments, to be the salt of the earth and the light of the world; a time to let the light of God shine in us, so that others may see our good works and give glory to our Father in heaven (cf. Matthew 5:47-48).
In a society where many families have lost the values and virtues of the Christian gospel, there is an urgent need to return to God’s original plan for marriage and the family. The greatest vocation of parents is to help their children get to heaven. Our children will know God and love God and have a strong faith if their parents do. They will pray, if their parents do. They will be joyful in attending religious services and worshipping God if their parents are. Herein lies the critical place of parental guidance in the upbringing of children.
Parents have a moral and spiritual duty to teach their children to follow the ways of God and to adhere firmly to his will, his plans and purposes for their lives. The foundation of the highest calling for every Christian is to “Do everything for the Lord and for his glory” (Colossians 3:17; 1 Corinthians 10:31). If there is anything our children learn from us, it has to be this. As Christian parents, our greatest priority is to teach our children to know that God has created them, and that they will ultimately give an account to God of their stewardship. Our children need to learn this from an early age, and to appreciate the importance of giving their lives in the service of God and others.
Our children need to also be taught that wealth and fame are not all that life is about. The craze for materialism and consumerism today, especially among the younger generation is driving many people to the doorsteps of crime and all kinds of perversions. We must teach our children that a good name is better than riches, and that integrity and honour still matter in a world of sharp practices and corner cutting. When God chose David, a young shepherd boy to be the next King of Israel after Saul, he looked at David’s heart (cf. 1 Samuel 16). Proverbs 22:1 says: “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver and gold.”
In addition, parental love is very crucial to the psychosocial development of children. Showing our children that we love them and telling them we love them is incredibly important. “The love of parents is the means by which God our Father shows his own love,” says Pope Francis in his Apostolic Exhortation on Love in the Family. (AL 170). Thus, the actions, gestures, attitudes and behaviours with which we express this love for our children are also very important. Love is not indulgence. There are times when we mistakenly think that it is a sign of love when we allow our children to do everything they want without let or hindrance, or giving them everything they want without imposing limits or setting boundaries. That is not love. Love is caring enough to be tough, candid and to provide limits. It is also about teaching our children to love genuinely. If as parents we want to give our kids a good example to follow, then we must show them by the manner of our lives. The love of a husband for his wife and vice versa is a powerful testimony to children, more powerful than any dissertation on love. Mother Teresa of Calcutta says, “Smile at each other, smile at your wife, smile at your husband, smile at your children, smile at each other – it doesn’t matter who it is – and that will help you to grow in greater love for each other.”
One of the accusations that the adult generation levels on young people today is that many of our children lack proper home training. We see this in children who do not know how to greet or respect their elders, children who have no iota of civility, courtesy or good manners. Manner and etiquette are values that are no longer taught or discussed in schools today. But manners are important and crucial to our children’s overall growth and human development. Teaching them to say, “Please,” “Thank you,” and “I am sorry” is important for their learning how to be responsible, respectful and decent. Pope Francis has said that, “A society with children who do not honour parents is a society without honour. It is a society destined to be filled with surly and greedy people” (AL 189). Teaching kids the value of respect needs constant reinforcement. When they do well, parents should commend them. When they do not, they should be corrected gently.
Self-discipline is also very important. It is one of the traits that must be thoroughly embraced if success in anything is to be achieved. Without it, we will raise a generation of children who lack self-control, self-restraint and the ability to persevere through life’s many trials. Helping our children learn personal responsibility at a young age and teaching them to have good work ethics is a great foundation for them to build upon as adults. Teaching them to serve and give back to society will help them to be better human beings. This isn’t classroom stuff – they will only learn from our example. The presence or lack of this will greatly define their lives.As William J. Bennett said, “Society needs to affirm once again the message that having a child is the most important thing a person will do in life, and that act entails certain obligations. Some may argue otherwise, but there is simply no substitute for parental and moral guidance: logging lots of time, doing chores and errands together, playing together, reading together, and patiently explaining the way the world works and the way people ought to live.”
Being great parents is a worthy aspiration for all of us, which requires dedication, vigilance, selflessness, commitment and courage. Your own children may not appreciate what you are doing and will often resist your well-intended parenting efforts. But one day they will realize how grateful they are to have had parents like you. Imagine the impact families could make on our communities if we simply focused on building the faith of our children, showing them love, investing in their moral education and then send them into the world to do the same. The world will be transformed.
Rev. Fr. Emmanuel Ojeifo is a Catholic priest of the Archdiocese of Abuja.