Compromising in marriage at great cost

A lady who wouldn’t want her name in print relates her problem thus: “I am married with three kids and we all live abroad. My husband is involved in some criminal activities in the States that can get him jailed. I am concerned for my children as I fear that when he will be caught […]

A lady who wouldn’t want her name in print relates her problem thus: “I am married with three kids and we all live abroad. My husband is involved in some criminal activities in the States that can get him jailed. I am concerned for my children as I fear that when he will be caught one day and I will be arrested along with him as an accomplice. Would it be right to report him to the police and save my children from losing both parents?”
Marriage they say is all about compromise, but do partners need to be so gullible to all compromise, says 37-year-old, Anne Michael. “Reporting her husband to the police is wrong because of the relationship they both share. If she reports him to the police, the same children that she is trying to protect will never understand why she betrayed their dad when they grow up. I would advise she informs his family members so that they have a heart-to-heart talk with him and if he doesn’t listen then the best option for her would be to leave him. This might be difficult to do but is a better choice than reporting him to the police,” Anne advises.
Magret Enezi, a 40-year-old civil servant, suggests that the police should be involved: “She should have a dialogue with her hubby and inform him of the consequences of his actions. If he fails to listen to her then she should involve the police and save the future of her kids and even herself. This is what women suffer in this part of the world, we all end up protecting our husbands even when they do something wrong all in the name of love. Some men need to be taught the hard way.”
On the contrary, Maryam Aliyu, a 38-year-old lawyer, says: “I wouldn’t advise her to report her husband to the police. Many women would want to advise her to report to the police but that would be foolish of her. She is married and has three kids with him and has been married for long and still cannot talk sense into him, then I must say she has failed in her responsibility as a wife.”
Thirty-five-year-old accountant, Binta Musa, asks rhetorically: “How many women with just a child not to talk of three children can actually report our husbands to the police? If she reports him and he ends up in jail, how will she train her children and who will assist her? People are always fast to take irrational decisions and funny enough, its unmarried people that have the loudest opinions and advice for the married.”
Aisha Garba, a 34-year-old accountant let her husband into the narrative and she had this to say: “My hubby laughed when I told him, he advised the wife to separate from him if she’s independent, that he’s so sure the hubby’s family might even be aware of his criminal activities and in foreign countries, it’s not easy being a single mother with three kids. I will suggest you continue talking to him, prison is never a good place to be and he will never forgive you if you are the reason he is there.”
Francis Oyetunde, a middle-aged civil servant has a different opinion as he asks: “Has she not benefited from the criminal business? Women are like that maybe they have a misunderstanding and she now wants to expose him forgetting that whatever affects the nose will come out from the mouth.”
Thirty-six-year-old phamamcist, Adaeze Onu, says: “She cannot harbour a criminal in her home and she needs more than dialogue here. It’s time for tough love. He needs to make a decision – crime or marriage. He will be arrested one day, most likely, and she will be labelled an accomplice. With three children she has to look out for more than just herself. She should not jeopardise their future. Coming out straight up could put your life in danger, remember he doesn’t work alone. He must be part of a group or syndicate who wouldn’t take nicely to a snitch. This is very sensitive and complicated. The husband is equally as important as your kids. She should have a heart-to-heart chat with her husband and whatever decision they reach should decide her next step of action. But whatever the case, she should stay out of trouble and be safe.”
Her husband is an adult and knows very well the consequences of his actions but greed as is always the case might not let him stop. Involving family is not the best option because families will always want to ‘avoid shame’ like they always advice  Please let’s stop indirectly encouraging negativity in marriage in the name of avoiding shame, these are the things that lead to violence in marriage and women are the ones who suffer these consequences the most. We keep praying for our homes, husbands and children and all wives and mothers as well.